A Wanderer's Heart

Rainstorms

2011-07-25T16:29:00.004-04:00

Today I had planned to squeeze in a 3-mile walk right after work before we have some friends over for dinner this evening. The weather begs to differ.

When I left my office I stepped out into the most wonderful kind of rain-- the kind that makes you feel like you are in the shower, not the kind that leaves you feeling pelted and stung. It took the moan off of my lips about forgetting my umbrella in the car and I made my way through the parking lot enjoying the feeling of gentle, steady rain on a warm day. It became wildly more adventurous when I was driving home and the windows started fogging up and the power steering decided to intermittently give up on me. We don't have a knob to change the air flow in our car... we have a pair of needle-nose pliers that do the trick, but it's only something to be attempted at stop lights. Definitely not in the middle of a monsoon with foggy windows and no power steering and water dripping into your eyes and mussing up your glasses. Like I said, adventurous. But home safe and sound.

I'll have to make up my walk another day this week. But for now I'm going to go snuggle up somewhere before the company arrives and maybe let this rainstorm lull me into a nap.

Have I mentioned that I love rainy days?

Sassafras Walk

2011-07-22T18:17:00.003-04:00

It was just an hour-long one, on the Mountains to Sea Trail with Vicki and Joshua. But it still counts. Especially since we found some sassafras on the trail! Also lots of poison ivy and some mushrooms. But the sassafras was definitely the most exciting. Click on the picture to make it bigger and you should be able to read the text, then.

Down Home Herbal Medicine

2011-07-14T22:53:00.001-04:00

Tonight was Joshua's crash course in herbal medicine 101, with our friend and teacher, Vicki.

Today's lesson included digging up pleurisy root (Asclepias tuberosa)-- informally known as butterfly weed-- in a nearby field. After they dug it up (I was still at work for this part), they brought it home, chopped up the roots, and processed them.

Also learned the basics of making a salve.

Step one is Vicki's awesome concoction of mixed herbs and infused oils in the blender.

You will strain this concoction through some cheesecloth and into a saucepan.

Note the beeswax that is needed for this all to work.
It eagerly waits its involvement in this process.

So you pour the blended bits onto the cheesecloth.
The oils drip through to the saucepan below, and the fibrous parts of the plant remain on top.

You kind of stir it around to get all the liquid out.

Once it's mostly done, you wrap up the cheesecloth around the plant matter.

Then you squeeze all the rest of the "juice" out.

Now you turn on the heat and add the beeswax into the mix.

After the wax has melted and there has been sufficient stirring,
you are ready to pour the salve.

We prepared the containers in a row ahead of time, because you have to be quick about it.

Vicki added some essential oils to the mix.

Minus a few cc's that I spilled all over the counter while trying to photograph the beeswax earlier.

Vicki poured the hot salve into a glass measuring cup for easier pouring,
since the containers are small.

Then, it's a race to see if you can pour it into all the containers before
the wax begins to harden.

Salve complete! You can't stick your fingers in it while it's congealing or else she can't sell it.

Vicki sells a wonderful apothecary line at Garage 34 on South Lexington. Check it out.
She's the real deal.

Congratulations, Myles and Wendi :)

2011-04-16T22:34:00.001-04:00

2011-04-14T17:59:00.010-04:00

It seems like just a few days ago I was staring out of my office window at a gray sky, contemplating what the tree line at the end of the parking lot would look like once it was filled with summertime’s leaves. Now, spring has burst onto the scene—verdant green clothing winter’s barren tree limbs with energetic new life; splashes of color spilling out from unexpected places as flowers bloom in glorious shades. I love the vibrancy of spring.

I wanted to get outside this afternoon and so I decided to get take-out from a Thai restaurant downtown during my lunch hour. Walking along the sidewalk, I found myself truly enjoying the day. I just spent a weekend in Savannah with my mom and about thirty other women from around the country for Girlapalooza. Girlapalooza is a girls’ weekend that was started by one of my favorite sheroes, Kak. Every year, same weekend, different location. This year was historic downtown Savannah and I spent the weekend threading my way through the city’s cobblestone streets in my new five-finger Vibrams (love ’em!). Today, waiting at a crosswalk in downtown Asheville, I truly realized for the first time the pleasure of walking around in my own city. Why should I romanticize walking through downtown Savannah and ignore the delights of strolling down Biltmore Avenue? I was trying to wrap my mind around why I had never had this mindset before, and all I could come up with is that I am a Floridian. Floridians typically avoid walking anywhere outside if at all humanly possible. By the time I was old enough to actually appreciate the downtown atmosphere, I lived in Orlando and at the time (I can’t speak for it now), downtown Orlando was a strange mixture of the hood and corporate emptiness. Occasionally I would find myself in downtown Winter Park, but it was too schmaltzy for me at that stage of life. (Now I love downtown Winter Park. Bring on the schmaltz.)

Life is full of beautiful, simple pleasures. I’m realizing that more often than not, what it takes is a change of mindset to open yourself up to true enjoyment. It takes some effort and intention, but it’s so worth it.

Some pictures from Girlapalooza weekend...

Coming into Forsyth Park during our 3-Day training walk that Kak lead.

My mom played skip ball... or whatever this is... to get a donation for my 3-Day fund. :)

Beautiful Catholic cathedral... St. John's, I think.

Inside.

WOD from Hades

2011-03-16T19:02:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure off the top of my head what day of the Challenge this is. Paleo has been out the window for the past month. Sad! Someone posted on our CFA website: "I have a compulsive personality, and it unfortunately goes both ways. Getting back on track is harder than overcoming urges and staying the course." I totally agree with that 100% when it comes to my journey with this. Tomorrow is pay day, which means trip to the grocery store this weekend. I only have a few weeks left on the Challenge and I want to finish strong, strong, strong. This weekend, though, we are going to Myrtle Beach to visit the fam, and so I am sure that will mean cheat, cheat, cheat. :)

Back at CFA today for the first time in 12 days. Ouch, that hurt!

Strength/Skill - Overhead squat. I had never worked on this as a strength/skill before. The goal was to work up to a heavy single. I ended up at 38#. Stability was good, though, so hopefully next time this skill comes around I will be able to up the ante more and more.

WOD from Hades - This is not the official name, but that is what I am calling it.

20 min AMRAP

12 DU or 36 SU (SU for me... we have a jump rope at home though, so I need to start practicing the DU so that I can start doing them in the WODs)

5 power snatch (Hadn't done this since another killer WOD during OnRamp - 28#)

200m run

1 min rest

I got through 5 rounds + 50m.

Lesson #1: I need to learn how to run. During one of my 200m "runs" Randy came out with me to show moral support (wonderful coach, by the way). He started talking about how technique is everything. I took that as a diplomatic way of saying I needed to learn what I am doing.

Lesson #2: I am running a 5K in six weeks. I need to be running all the time.

Lesson #3: Springtime is here, and then into summer = more and more WODs with running. Waaaaaahhhh!!!

Lesson #4: Maybe you shouldn't do a CF WOD less than 24 hours after giving blood.

This was the worst WOD I've done in a while... and I say "worst" because my mental game was complete crap. I haven't had a case of the "I can't do it"s since my insecurity of showing up for a CFA class vanished about two months ago. I hope when we repeat this I kill it and show myself what I'm made of, cause this morning sucked.

Preacher girl

2011-02-24T20:30:00.000-05:00

Today has been a day of jumping from soapbox to soapbox for me. Poor Joshua-- I've been using him as my sounding board for all this preaching, too. Topics? Purpose in life; and the travesty of how Christians behave toward homosexuals/homosexuality. Too much to delve into (again) right now, as I am very near my computer curfew for the evening... but maybe I'll enlighten you another time if you have a hankering to hear.

Day 52

2011-02-23T18:35:00.004-05:00

Okay, I’ll be honest. Diet-wise I’m not doing so hot on my challenge. Since the “great recipe slump” and Joshua’s decision to get off the paleo diet (he wants to gain muscle mass and he just needs to eat more food—any food—to do so… the paleo diet was making him too lean), I have been struggling. Plus it’s Girl Scout cookie season. Can you feel my pain?

Overall, though, I feel good. Even though my diet hasn’t been “strictly paleo” it hasn’t been about overindulging, either. And our fridge is still stocked with fresh fruits and veggies, which I eat daily. Going out to eat has been the weakness. Still, I am sticking to my challenge. I’m not willing to give up this “you must eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, your skin is glowing!” complexion. And I’ve lost 10 lbs and have another 10 to go. So I’ll keep plugging away.

CFA this morn. It was SO hard to get out of bed… I literally almost crawled back under the covers while I was packing my gym bag. But, as always, the workout is worth it.

Strength/skill – Power clean and jerk. (Possibly my new favorite technique for getting weight overhead!) Worked up to a heavy single at 72#. The jerk was no problem at that weight, but the power clean was getting heavy and my elbows were getting slow.

Partner WOD! We had an uneven amount of people in our class this morning, so Joshua and I teamed up with a fellow named Jason. I worked while they rested, and they worked at the same time while I rested. I started again whenever the last one of them finished the round, but really they stayed neck and neck the whole time. It was fun to see synchronized box jumps going on.

15 minutes AMRAP:

12 kettlebell swings (18#)

8 box jumps (16#)

4 burpees

Switch off working/resting

We completed 13 rounds and 7 (or 8, depending on who’s score you want to use, Jason’s or Joshua’s) KB swings. Not bad! I finally figured out how to get the rhythm of box jumps down after watching Joshua through the first few rounds. That guy is smokin’ hot.

Also… as I have previously mentioned… I am walking the 3-Day in D.C. in September and today I met someone at CFA who has done the walk five times and is walking Chicago this year. She said that there is a great training group here in Asheville. Super excited to get hooked up with other people on the same journey!

Tuesday

2011-02-22T17:52:00.006-05:00

Bad drivers are one of my greatest pet peeves in this life. Take, for instance, the goober in front of me on Biltmore Avenue today. We both got into the left-hand turn lane. The light turns green... in heavy traffic we both inch our way up to the intersection during those precious few moments when we have the green turn arrow lit in our direction. Goober gets to be first in line and decides he doesn't want to turn left after all. He wastes the entire green light by waiting for an opening to get back over into the right lane. Really?

I am in the process of going through some photographs from a trip my family took to England five years ago. I was 20 and had just returned home from a month spent in poverty-ridden Nicaragua; I remember London being a bit of a shock. But I loved it. My Nana was from London and I remember her always talking with a wistful fondness about the parks there and how there was nothing like them in the States. We took this trip after she died, partly in memoriam. She must smile at me from heaven whenever she hears me say that England's parks stole my heart as well. London was a perfect mix of natural (albeit cultivated) beauty, urban metropolis, and anchored history. My kind of city indeed.

Joshua and Michelle have always shown an inordinate pride in their cultural heritage (Italian and Latin). I have always teased them about it, telling them that I am just as Italian and Hispanic as they are. (I am, although they inherited more genes from the "swarthy good looks" pool than I did.) But I think I am beginning to understand where they are coming from. I'm starting to feel a growing pride for my own British roots-- it feels good to share some of the characteristics of such a strong and stalwart people.

History

2011-02-20T20:17:00.003-05:00

When I was in college, I bounced between majors. I started off as a political science major because I had ambitions of becoming a Foreign Service Officer with the State Department. Those aspirations dwindled quickly when I took Intro to International Relations. I realized that I had zero idea about anything to do with politics and hightailed it out of there, managing to coax out a B average because I know how to write. Then I took American History with an amazing professor (props to you, Dr. Long-- who was short-- oxymoronic) and tapped into my fascination with the past, and decided to major in history. This was waylaid by my speech class, where I discovered Interpersonal Communication and switched majors yet again. It was a busy freshman year.

Anyway, this week Joshua and I went to see The King's Speech (with Colin Firth, one of my favorites). Perhaps it's my British blood, but I love any movie having to do with the Royal Family. This has again sparked my fascination with all things ancient and old, and I'm off on another history tangent. If I could go back to college tomorrow and major in history, just for fun, I'd be all over it. I will always love learning and I think I will always be intrigued with people in the past. Choices, motivations, consequences... it is a beautiful tapestry that is at sometimes glorious and other times tragic.

About two years ago I had a desire to start at the beginning of world history and work my way up to the present. I think I might challenge myself with that again. Although I am going to skip the whole Sumerian alphabet chapter because I find it a bit boring, sorry. Let's move on to the Egyptians and ancient Greeks and Rome and the Middle Ages and Robert the Bruce and WWI and II. We'll see. I'll keep you apprised.

Saturday

2011-02-19T18:54:00.002-05:00

Today was a day for haircuts and tax filing.
Both turned out better than expected. :)

Day 47

2011-02-18T18:53:00.003-05:00

Testing Day

Phase 1

Work up to new 1RM for backsquat @ 30X1 tempo

1RM goal – 120# (last 5RM was 102#)

50% estimated max – 5 x 30X1 tempo (58#)

75% estimated max – 3 x 30X1 tempo (88#)

85% estimated max – 1 x 30X1 tempo (98#)

90% estimated max – 1 x 30X1 tempo (103# - miscalculated the weights and thought I was doing 108#)

Tried for 118# for new 1RM but had to bail.

Phase 2

Load up bar to 85% of max weight (88#) and complete max reps = 10 with chest up

Phase 3

Max calorie burn for all-out 1 min row = 14 cal (lame… but getting the rowing movement down correctly is difficult for me)

How it felt: I was disappointed about the 1RM, since it only ended up being 1# more than my previous 5RM in January. But completing max reps at 88# was difficult to do with proper form, so I am being patient with myself and allowing my body to catch up with my mental goals. It’ll happen! I love CFA and the community of people who cheer you on when you feel like you literally can’t stand up under the weight. Today was my first time having to bail… it was kind of fun to send the bar bouncing to the floor. Can’t wait until I can backsquat my own BW! Joshua was up over 200# today… he’s a beast. :)

Day 46

2011-02-17T20:22:00.001-05:00

Weighed myself tonight at Grammy's-- I've lost 10 lbs. so far during the Challenge. I also think that I might have an iron deficiency, because my (expensive) gold rings are making my skin turn black... even when I rub them across my face. In my mind this is impossible, because my diet is rich in iron from meat and poultry and in vitamin C (which enhances iron uptake) with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. It would explain the chronic fatigue I've been battling, though. I think I might go to the doctor and see what the deal is.

Day 45

2011-02-16T20:25:00.000-05:00

It's the half-way mark today for me on this 90-Day Challenge. There has been some cheating, I'll be honest. Eating at other people's homes, and a couple of times just going out to eat and getting what I wanted (read: pizza)... but overall I have done a stand-up job, if I do say so myself. I'd like to do the next half without the cheating, though. Most of the time, the cheating really isn't worth it in the "Ohmygosh this tastes divine" sense; it's just convenient. Paleo requires a lot of food prep and time in the kitchen. That has been enjoyable and at the same time frustrating for Joshua and I, especially when our experimental dishes go awry. But we have discovered some incredible recipes (stuffed peppers, anyone?) and alternatives (I love you, Coconut Bliss) that make some of what I used to eat seem excessive. When this is over, I am sure I will go back to bread and butter, two of the secrets to happiness in life. But why would I go back to regular ice cream when I have a delicious, healthier alternative? Why would I add sugar back in when I have learned to use honey, and when my taste buds have gotten used to not eating fake, saccharine food from a box?

Today was CFA.

Strength/Skill - Clean, work up to a heavy set of 2. I'd only done this one time before and ended at 28#... today I worked up to 48#. Hate that my butt still sticks out when I get low in a squat. Core strength...

WOD - AMRAP in 3 minutes:
6 push-ups (supposed to be ring p/u but can't do those yet... just stuck to the regular)
9 box jumps (18")
3 rounds, 1 minute rest between rounds
Completed 7 rounds + 6 p/u and 8 freaking box jumps. So close! I should've just finished the round after Shanna called the time.

Consolidation

2011-02-16T20:00:00.001-05:00

So I've decided to consolidate my two blogs, because I find myself neglecting one or the other. So for those of you (any of you?) who read this one here, you will find yourself occasionally inundated with CrossFit WODs and more paleo-speak.

Today has been a good, albeit injurious, day. Started early at CrossFit Asheville, which is one of my favorite ways to start the day. I never-- NEVER-- want to get out of bed in order to get there, though. This morning Joshua was trying to coax me out from underneath the warm, snuggly blankets and he said that I sat up and gave him the meanest scowl ever. Not a morning person, what can I say? But somewhere between calisthenics and the WOD, I zoom into consciousness and by the time I have finished the hour, my face cherry red and my mouth all saliva-y, I feel alive. Wonderfully, wonderfully alive.

Work then... where I managed to kick the corner of an open drawer with my shin (beautiful purple knot to show for it) and get my wrist caught in the window Joshua was rolling up when I met him for our lunch break. Injurious, I told you. After work we came home and changed and headed out to the Mountains to the Sea trail on the BRP to go for a run... where I managed to catch my foot on a root and fall. Perfect ending to the day. It wasn't so bad though-- the forest floor is soft and doesn't scrape your hands up like asphalt does. I love running through the woods.

Joshua and I registered for a 5K in May, and I registered for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk in September (in D.C.! love!). So there will be a lot of running and walking to come. I will become a runner, dangit! I plan on running as many races this year as I can... there are so many good ones up here in the mountains, too. Races are fun and make the training worth it, you know?

I'm going to consolidate my blogs and then get ready for bed. It's not even 8:00, you say? I'd argue that my circadian rhythm is back in place and I'll see you at sunrise.

Coming together

2011-02-15T20:21:00.001-05:00

It could be that the 90-day challenge is starting to cause some breakthroughs, it could be that the timing is right, or it could be an Isaiah 43 thing... but lots of things in my life seeming to be converging at the moment in a series of empowering, life-giving epiphanies. I am all about it.

The thing is, I've been feeling stuck for a very long time. It had recently gotten very bad, and I continually prayed, telling the Lord that I just felt stuck and didn't know what to do about it. It was becoming a daily conversation between Him and I... mainly one-sided. Or so I thought. Then Joshua and I went and had dinner with some friends from Highland. These people are warriors on the spiritual realm. I don't think you really know what fighting is until you battle in the spiritual plane. Anyways, at the end of the evening they asked if they could pray for us before we went home. Of course. So in the middle of this Holy Spirit-inducing-mad-goosebumps prayer Amy looks at me and says, "Stuck. I'm just getting the word 'stuck.'" It was my tenderhearted moment with God, when He spoke through a human vessel to say, "I hear you." Amy prayed for movement in our lives. And since then... change has begun. Thank you, Jesus.

I am having realizations, and epiphanies, and hope, and truth spring to life inside me again, like brilliant springtime buds bursting forth after a frigid and harsh winter. There is a literal feeling inside my chest, and an uplifting in my mind. I am excited again. Oh, how long has it been since I truly felt excitement about life? Too long. It reminds me of Narnia and how everyone had just gotten used to the land existing in a state of perpetual winter while the White Witch reigned. Then Aslan breathed new life onto the landscape.

"See, I am doing a new thing! Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland..."

You do make beautiful things out of dust.

Epic failure

2011-02-12T19:10:00.002-05:00

Well, in case you were wondering, the "spaghetti and meatballs" dinner AND the butternut squash soup were both EPIC failures. After three hours in the kitchen, Joshua and I went to bed hungry and frustrated. We'll have to find another way to cook the bison-- anyone have a good recipe for bison burgers?

Last night Joshua and I went and saw stand-up comic Etta May at the Diana Wortham Theatre. Tickets were free compliments of being an employee at Biltmore Estate, and the show was great. It was really fun to just go to a show and laugh.

Today Joshua and I worked with Misty Miller at her giant bi-annual consignment sale, Munchkin Market. One of the reasons I enjoy working the sale is because I have never seen so many pregnant women in one place at one time. And seeing them line up outside before we open and then rush in at 8:00 when we open the doors in one thundering stampede is a sight to behold. I met several ladies today who are expecting twins. I told God that I wouldn't mind having twins, not at all. I think my clock just made its first tick.

Tonight's dinner experiment

2011-02-10T19:08:00.001-05:00

Dinner has become somewhat of an experiment for me and Joshua.

Recently at CrossFit someone passed around a sign-up to buy in for a side of bison meat. Joshua has wanted to try bison for a long time, so we joined in the purchase. Tonight we have attempted to make spaghetti and meatballs-- paleo-style.

Spaghetti, easy. Remember spaghetti squash? The hardest part of that is slicing the darn thing in half.

Spaghetti sauce from Earth Fare-- all-natural and yummy.

Bison balls.

Well...

How would you make meatballs when you cannot include breadcrumbs or milk?

We decided to substitute coconut milk for the regular milk, easy enough. Breadcrumbs are kind of an essential part of meatball making, though. They help hold everything together, you know? We figured that we would use the pulp from our juicer that is just going to waste. So tonight we juiced some kale, pineapple, pear, blueberries, mango, and apple (delightfully delicious GREEN juice!) and salvaged the pulp to put in the meatball mix.

The guy arranging the bison purchase recommended that we not overcook the bison meat. He says that it has a tendency to dry out easily. Since our meatballs are rather soupy anyway, we're disregarding his advice in this instance.

I'll let you know how it turns out tomorrow. I'm off to make some paleo butternut bisque soup.

Writing

2011-02-09T19:52:00.001-05:00

So the mystery appointment mentioned in yesterday's post was my first of eight intrinsic health coaching sessions. Sounds fancy, doesn't it?

Really, it is about discovering what you want and getting there. Hence the homework of a vision board... basically a collage of all you envision for your life.

I have loved making collages since I was a little girl. I would spend hours cutting up magazines, carefully choosing pictures that I loved. I think that it is what drew me to photography in the first place. I am eager to get back to that place in my heart and peer out through that lens-- I think that it will be a deep breath of "at home" that I have been looking for for awhile.

Today's thoughts

2011-02-08T19:11:00.001-05:00

Today was a blustery cold morning, and I decided to walk to my 8:00 a.m. appointment across the hospital campus to rack up some mileage on my pedometer. My employer is awesome in that there is a health program where certain activities equal points, and enough points equals cash. Yep, cash. One of the easiest ways to earn points is to purchase and wear a pedometer. Walk enough during the quarter and you're well on your way to easy cash money.

Anyways.

I decided to walk. I almost immediately regretted my decision, because I was trying to multi-task by eating my breakfast (a.k.a. banana) and my hand pretty much turned into a solid block of ice after the first two minutes. I ended up in a building I'd never been in before, lost, and late.

But I got there.

I'm going to leave you hanging about where I was headed. I'll just tantalize you by saying that I will be making a vision board, and I will take photographs and post them for you once it is complete. If I can overcome my perfectionist tendencies and call it complete, that is.

Ancient computer

2011-02-07T18:29:00.002-05:00

I wanted to post a funny video that I saw on Facebook, but I am relegated to blogging on the household's most ancient computer tonight, and YouTube refuses to show its face. Joshua is sick and laid up in bed and is currently occupying our PC with a movie. I'm sitting here with my apron tied around my waist and saying hello to the blogosphere in the midst of cooking Paula Deen's "Old-Time Beef Stew" and stealing spoonfuls of Coconut Bliss. Praise the LORD for Coconut Bliss!

Today in the mail arrived three books of poetry, sent by my dear friend, K-Smeltz. It's on my new 101 in 1001 to read a book of poetry. Plus, this season of fasting has been a melancholy one, and so some Emily Dickenson should come in right handy. K-Smeltz sent me her own personal copy complete with sticky tabs on her favorites.

Better go check on Hubs.

Home again, home again

2011-02-06T19:44:00.001-05:00

We are home from Myrtle Beach. Michelle found the *perfect* wedding dress and I am so glad that we made the trip with her to be a part of the process. I wish I could post pictures, but on the off-chance that Christian happens to read my blog, that would spoil everything completely and I might never be forgiven. :)

The sun only appeared this morning as we were getting ready to leave my in-laws' house. I stood in the kitchen for a moment, soaking up the warmth as the sunlight shone through the window and I wished-- like seriously longed for-- a beach vacation. We did go out to the pier on Saturday, but it was cold and damp and so foggy that you couldn't see where the ocean and sky kiss on the horizon. It was romantic in it's own morose fashion. Joshua and I stood wistfully on the pier, listening to the waves beating the sandy shore below and spoke to each other about our craving to live on the water. I asked Joshua if he would rather live at the beach than at the mountains. I was surprised when he said yes.

I took the beach for granted as a Floridian, and I miss it something fierce now. Even on cold, clammy days like yesterday, there is an unrivaled, mysterious beauty about the sea.

I am thankful for the rainy weather, though. We spent a lot of quality time with my in-laws, whom we don't see enough of these days. Goal to visit more often.

Off to Myrtle Beach!

2011-02-03T17:35:00.001-05:00

Off for a whirlwind trip to Myrtle Beach to get Shelly's wedding dress fitted!!! I'm going to love it even if it is raining the whole TIME!

I must blog

2011-02-02T19:59:00.000-05:00

Internet was down again last night... the router has a mind of its own. Not that I minded too much-- more time to cuddle up with a book on a rainy winter evening. Definitely my style.

Tomorrow Joshua, Michelle, and I are headed on a road trip down to Myrtle Beach to go get her wedding dress fitting done. Should be good times... I can't wait to step out onto the beach (rain or shine) and let my soul melt into the sound of waves lapping on the sandy shore. I am also excited to see my sister-in-love wrapped in a confection of white, and to spend time with my in-laws.

Here's to three day weekends.

Saturday wasn't my fault...

2011-01-31T20:26:00.001-05:00

... but yesterday was absolutely too gorgeous of a day to be sitting inside at the computer.

For real, though.

Saturday the internet was down when I sat down to blog. Yesterday was 70 degrees in JANUARY, people. Joshua, Michelle and I took ourselves down to the local park, slung up Eno hammocks between a nice little triangle of trees, and laid in the shade while reading the beginning of Amy Carmichael's biography. It was gorgeous. The park was full of people, young and old, and so many dogs! Cutter accompanied us and took in the beautiful day alongside us.

Other highlights from this weekend: buying the new Amos Lee CD (with a gift card, which makes it double the fun), going over to the Ledfords' and enjoying some delicious grilled food (including grilled pineapple, which might be one of my favorite things ever) and playing with all of their high-tech gadgets. Has anyone ever seen/heard of a Google television? I hadn't until Saturday night, and my world is forever changed. Lord help us.

Also was introduced to this guy. Watch some of his stuff. It's brilliantly creative and he's got some mad editing skills and musical talent. How would you like to do that for a full-time job? This one and this one are my favorites so far.

Day 26

2011-01-28T18:42:00.000-05:00

Today I was the last one to finish the WOD at my 7:00 a.m. CF class. As soon as I got one round in, I thought, There's no way I'm going to be able to finish this. I might as well tell Shanna [one of the trainers] I'm going to stop. One by one everyone finished before me, until it was just me and another lady. The 8:00 a.m. class was starting to fill up the gym. But that's when the cheering started. "You got this" and "keep it up, Megan" and people getting down at eye level while I'm dying through my last round of burpees. I would've given up on myself, but the community at CFA wouldn't give up on me. I am so thankful for these people and this environment.

Strength/Skill - Clean below the knees 3x3 and Clean 3x3 (28#)

WOD - Complete the following for time:

20 burpees

10 power cleans (70% previous 3RM - 38#)

16 burpees

8 power cleans

12 burpees

6 power cleans

8 burpees

4 power cleans

4 burpees

2 power cleans

11:10

Week in Pictures

2011-01-28T18:39:00.002-05:00

If you have never checked out at MSNBC's Week in Pictures, you need to check it out. Moments captured in eternity that will break your heart, make you laugh, and cause you to realize how blessed you are.

It's images like these that inspire me to keep photographing life. Not that portraits aren't stunning, but something about the raw factor of these photojournalistic captures just does it for me. This is what it means to be a photographer for me.

Thursday's Gratitude

2011-01-27T19:17:00.002-05:00

I have to admit that I'm in kind of a bad mood tonight. And uninspired to write.

But today I was inspired to be grateful.

When I wake up in the mornings, I have a habit of getting on the computer to wake myself up. The blue light from the computer monitor does the trick. Anyways, I logged onto Facebook to see a comment someone had left me and on my news feed someone had posted a clip from American Idol. They made a comment about it, saying that they believed the guy was legit, and it made me curious to watch.

It turned out to be a very heart-wrenching story about a young guy who was engaged to be married to the love of his life, and two months before their wedding his fiancee got into an automobile accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. She survived, but is paralyzed and displays the same symptoms of someone who has had a severe stroke. The guy takes care of her with her mother, and they never got married. He said something to the effect of, "I was about to make vows to this woman-- 'in sickness and in health, till death do us part'-- what kind of guy would I be if I left when she needs me most?" It was inspiring and heartbreaking all at the same time.

After the clip was over (Joshua was watching by this point, too), we knelt down and thanked God for all of our blessings. All I could think of is how horrible it would be if Joshua could never smile at me again, or reach out to touch me. Certainly puts things in perspective. Including this cranky mood I'm in now. I think I'll go smile at my husband and give him a hug.

Here is the link if you wanted to watch.

Day 24

2011-01-26T19:35:00.000-05:00

CFA again today...

Strength/skill - Shoulder press at 1-0-3-1 tempo, 28# 5 sets 8 reps

WOD - 3 rounds of: AMRAP in 2 min 5 DL (40% 5RM = 38#), 30 SU; 1 min rest; AMRAP in 2 min 5 ring dips (blue band), 10 wall balls (yellow ball)

8 DL/SU

7 + 5RD RD/WB

I didn't want to die today. That was a plus.

Toastmasters

2011-01-26T19:30:00.001-05:00

Anyone out there ever heard of Toastmasters International?

I went to an open house meeting for the Mission chapter of Toastmasters today. It was certainly interesting... I had never been to a "club" type meeting before where there are officers and formality. It was entertaining, and a bit intimidating, and inspiring. I am considering becoming a member. I have always enjoyed public speaking and the last time I had to give a speech was my freshman speech class at UCF. That class is what led me to pursue my major in interpersonal communication. I am still fascinated by that topic, and I think it would be fun to get back into public presentations. And it makes me nervous. And you should do what you're afraid of more often, right?

On a completely other note, I am considering trying acupuncture. Has anyone ever done that? It kind of creeps me out a little, to think of being a human porcupine... but if it works, well then it works.

Compartmentalization

2011-01-25T19:52:00.002-05:00

I don't think that I believe in compartmentalization.

Today I had a personal situation happen that caused me to feel emotionally upset in the middle of the workday. As a result, when I had an issue arise at work that usually wouldn't make me blink, I had a knee-jerk emotional reaction that first manifested as irritation followed by an intense bubble up of emotion. When I felt that bubble rising I recognized that this was not work related. Thankfully I was able to step back and give myself a few moments before tackling my work again. That respite (Heather, what does respite mean? *wink*) gave me a minute to assess myself and figure out what was really going on, and address it.

I view compartmentalization as the opposite of assessing and addressing. It's kind of like feeling that emotional bubble rise to the surface and immediately shoving it down inside and slamming the lid on it. Now I come from some good English stock, and we have propriety passed down through the bloodlines. So I'm not going to say that it's okay for someone to drag all their personal mess into the workplace. But I don't believe in the philosophy of "leave your problems at the front door." Sometimes things happen in life that strain the essence of our beings, and sometimes we even feel broken. I don't believe in forcing another human being to leave their brokenness at the door. I think that this attitude is just another evidence that our culture does not know how to deal in intimacy or grief. This "leave it at home" mentality does not enhance community, trust, or valuing one another. And honestly-- although we rarely stop to shove ourselves into this paradigm shift-- when it's all said and done, relationships are what matter in this life. When the fit hits the shan, the melange of things that we normally occupy our lives with vanishes and we become immediately and only concerned with our relationships.

Am I right or am I right?

P.S. Melange was totally my word of the day today.

crap

2011-01-24T18:32:00.000-05:00

The conversation between me and Joshua as we dance around the kitchen making Japanese curry for dinner:

Me: "I need to blog."
Joshua: "Do you have something to blog about?"
"No."
"What do you write about when you don't have anything to say?"
"Crap."
"Crap? I don't get it."

Day 21

2011-01-23T19:25:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow begins week four... I can hardly believe that in a week I will have made it a month on this paleo journey.

Highlights: I had a cheat meal. We got some unexpected money to go on a date, and Joshua took me to Texas Roadhouse. I really, really, REALLY wanted to eat a yeast roll. So I did. Just one. I also had a Caesar salad (I stuck with steak and steamed veggies for dinner). The roll was actually really good. I didn't feel bad after eating it. The salad made me kind of queasy. Joshua and I got into an argument over my cheating... which turned into a very good discussion about addiction that we probably needed to have. Kind of ruined our date, though.

I don't regret my cheating behavior; I am actually pretty proud of myself that I didn't binge on bread. I could've done without the salad, but that roll was worth it. Bread still tastes good.

I'm back to good Challenge behavior. We've spent tonight cooking... pot roast, breakfast potatoes, broccoli, chicken... I am using coconut oil for the first time and I'm pretty excited about it. We also went shopping at Earth Fare yesterday and found some "paleo friendly" ice cream, made with organic coconut milk and agave nectar. The agave isn't really paleo allowed, but it's essentially the same as honey for me, and I have been dying for a good dessert. It's wonderful.

I have been leaning too heavily on potatoes... I need to ease up on that. But I've lost 7 lbs. in the past three weeks and I'm freaking proud of that.

fun with Shell Bell

2011-01-23T17:02:00.000-05:00

Sundays are family day. Today I wanted to do something creative so we decided to have a photo shoot with Shell Bell. I'll put some photos together to show you, but here's a cute one.

Can't believe she's getting married in August! I love this girl.

mind over matter

2011-01-22T20:14:00.003-05:00

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." Carols Castaneda

How true is that quote! Another one, which is a Doris Howard essential, is "Life's circumstances will either make you bitter or better... it's your choice." Putting these ideas into practice is a bit easier said than done, however. It's so easy to wallow in self-pity and negativity, especially if it is a habit formed by years of practice. I think I have been guilty of covering up my issues with pleasure. Now that I am fasting from my go-to "pleasure" standbys, I have come face to face with certain things that I have heretofore (my boss uses this word all the time and it makes me laugh... who really says "heretofore" anymore?) dealt with using that age-old tactic of avoidance. Now that these issues are surfacing, I find myself faced with the choice of bitter or better, miserable or happy. I am reaching for better and happy. There is an amount of work that goes into it, though, and I think I might just be lazy.

Today I feel...

2011-01-21T18:28:00.001-05:00

... young and untried, like a new Thoroughbred eager to eat up the ground in long strides. I like the feeling of working hard, accomplishing things, and going home to rest knowing that I've done a good job. This has been a good week.

My mind wants to stretch, learn, grow, and dig deep to make me what I'm capable of. That's a pleasant feeling.

My body wants to eat bread. With butter.

extra long

2011-01-20T19:31:00.000-05:00

Today I am working extra long hours so that I can go to all the shift meetings for our department. 6a, 12p, 6p, 12a. In between the last two now. At Grammy's for some beef stew... what a nice caveat in the day.

What kind of day have you had?

Day 17

2011-01-19T17:48:00.000-05:00

I am discovering that I am an emotional eater. Sad? Eat. Overwhelmed? Eat. Really, though, it's not just eating... it's eating comfort foods. Heavy, salty foods. Today I want-- I WANT-- mozzarella sticks something fierce.

Missed a week of CrossFit due to transitioning to a new job. Switched to a morning class and went for the first time this morning.

Strength/Skill - Back squat @ 3-1-1 tempo. Worked up to 65# but at that final weight it was hard for me to make the 1 second drive up.

WOD - AMRAP in 7:00 of 7 pull-ups (green and purple bands) and 7 burpees. Completed 5 rounds.

I want to cheat and eat something non-paleo SO bad today. I am tired of broccoli.

Self-discovery

2011-01-19T17:47:00.000-05:00

I think I'm testing my own mettle. Taking away my creature comforts has been a challenge, for sure... tests my weaknesses, shows me where I find my strength. I should be glad for the lesson in self-discovery, but today I'm a little bitter because I am JONESIN' for some mozzarella sticks.

Bah humbug.

Ambulance protocol

2011-01-18T19:03:00.000-05:00

Tonight on my way home, I was on a divided highway on on the other side of the road I saw an ambulance coming down the hill ahead of me. Kindly, two drivers pulled over to the right as far as possible (no real shoulders to pull off on). It warmed my heart a little... in our increasingly self-centered society, it was nice to see strangers giving way in order to help someone else in trouble.

But I do have a question about ambulance protocol. When you are on the interstate and an ambulance comes up behind you, are you supposed to pull off the road? I think that is dangerous on a road where the speed limit is 70mph. I usually just get in the right hand lane, leaving the fast lane open for the ambulance to pass by. Does anyone know the real protocol in that situation, though?

new digs

2011-01-17T17:16:00.000-05:00

Moved into a new office space today at work, to go along with a transfer to another department. It's been a day full of boxes.

Not much time to sit and sort through thoughts tonight... we're leaving in a few minutes and I'm trying to get dinner ready in the meantime for the whole family. Chili and cornbread (can't eat the cornbread... stink). It's a good day for chili and cornbread... a gray, wintery day.

Everything is a jumble. Too hurried to try to straighten it out... I figure it will all be there tomorrow if I'm granted another day.

Spaghetti Squash

2011-01-16T15:32:00.000-05:00

I've just completed week two (of 12) of my Challenge. I am finding that my taste for super-sweet foods is diminishing bit by bit, and the less sugar-filled varieties are becoming more enjoyable. Last night Joshua and I decided to try spaghetti squash after reading about it on a paleo forum.

Squash as a substitute for spaghetti? I thought it was going to be a long shot. But we found some dairy-free, gluten-free, no sugar added marinara sauce at the health food store and added some ground beef to it for a good Italian meat sauce and proceeded to give the squash a shot.

It was easy enough-- cut the sucker in half, lengthwise; remove the pulp; and then place face down on a cookie sheet and bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. When it's done you run a fork along the tender inside and strips of squash peel off that are just the same size and shape as spaghetti noodles. Top with the meat sauce and go for it.

The squash has a super-mild taste and the consistency of an al dente pasta. It was delicious, and I didn't miss regular spaghetti at all. I mean, you really never even taste the pasta anyway... it is just something for the sauce to stick to. Why not get another vegetable in and skip the noodles?

I think that another factor contributing to the expansion of my normally picky palette is that I am hungry... most of the time (not eating grains prevents you from getting that "full" feeling). So when you are hungry, lots of things that you normally might not try get a green light... and they are satisfying to boot.

Win.

Happy birthday!

2011-01-15T18:37:00.001-05:00

Happy birthday to my dear friend, Heather Heather.

You make me remember bumblebees and packing peanuts, sneaky body odor sniffs, ecosystems growing in trunks, getting stuck on a rock in the middle of a roaring river, and laughing until I pee. You are beautiful, hilarious, and creative... and I love you and miss you!

Please come visit me soon. Or be available when I visit my mother for her 50th birthday.

Happy birthday, beloved friend... may this next trip around the sun be everything you hope for and more!

Friday!!!

2011-01-14T18:28:00.000-05:00

Oh, I have not been this glad to see a Friday in a looooooong time.

Step one: Relax beneath the warm glow of candlelight tonight.

Step two: Sleep in as long as humanly possible tomorrow.

Step three: Get our space ORGANIZED.

Step four: Enjoy homemade paleo food (made these stuffed bell peppers tonight that were de-lish... looking forward to trying some spaghetti squash later this weekend).

Step five: Visit the library. Devour books.

Step six: Exert some energy. Run, WOD, whatever.

Step seven: Delight.

How's that for seven steps to a stellar weekend?

poetry

2011-01-13T19:16:00.002-05:00

Is anyone else amazed that January is almost half gone?

I wrote a poem. One of my goals is to write poetry. Notice there’s no adjective in there… it doesn’t have to be good poetry. Keep that in mind.

Starcomber

Last night I saw You

Walking among the stars

They moved softly around Your feet and parted before You

Like waves breaking around Your footsteps on the seashore.

You looked at me from Your place in the heavens

And with frank eyes You told me that I belong there, too

Why, You asked, am I so satisfied with the paltry baubles of this earth

When I was made to walk through stars with You?

That, I’m almost certain, is not good poetry. But meaningful to me.

Day 11

2011-01-13T19:13:00.000-05:00

I had a rather frustrating moment with myself last night.

I am learning a lot about nutrition and how our bodies work and keys to staying healthy, all rather coincidentally, it seems. Last night I was (again) learning about the damage that fructose has on our bodies. Soda in general. Did you know (and you might, but I didn’t) that if you drink one can of Coke per day for a year, and you never burn off those excess calories, that by the end of the year you will have gained 15.6 pounds of fat? That explains what happened to me last year…

Anyway, most recent revelation—an endocrinologist explained the “secret formula” that keeps people so addicted to soda. Did you know that soda has a diuretic in it? Makes you pee fluid water. Have you also noticed how much sodium soda has in it? Tell me, what happens when your body expels much of its fluid water and then you consume large quantities of salt? You are thirsty.

Do you see how this is all adding up? Diuretic to make you pee. Sodium to make you thirsty. HFCS to cover up the taste of salt. Caffeine to provide you a subtle stimulant. It’s a recipe concocted to keep you drinking. The companies that produce these drinks aren’t ignorant of this.

Doesn’t that sound horrible? It does.

So why, oh why, do I seem to be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? There is one (intelligent) part of me that realized the horror of what’s going on, the fact that I am allowing myself to be victimized by a greedy, money-making scheme invented by a company that obviously cares nothing about the obesity epidemic in our country. I see the terrible consequences of consuming so much fructose and how it could potentially rob me of my health. And yet… there is still this (very strong, insistent) side of me that doesn’t care. That side cares about taste, and enjoyment, and pleasure. That side can block out all of the facts and revel in the fizzy bubbles and sweet, satisfying taste.

Hence my frustrating moment with myself last night. Really, it was anger. I don’t understand how I can have such head knowledge about things and still desire to make harmful choices. Joshua pointed out that this equates to spirituality as well… and life in general. Addictions to toxicity.

I think, as far as diet is concerned, I am going to strive for balance. For instance, I can guarantee you that after the Challenge is up, I will be eating butter again. (Didn’t anyone ever tell these people that the “secret to life is butter”? Name that movie.) But I hope that I can look at food differently. Every meal is not my last. There will be ample opportunities to enjoy x, y, and z. I don’t need to eat them all this week.

thoughts for the day

2011-01-12T18:15:00.002-05:00

It’s hard to believe it has been a year since the earthquake in Haiti. I hate to be a Debbie Downer (sorry, Deborah, but it’s just the saying), but I wonder what the natural disaster of the year will be in 2011? It’s sad to say that my awareness of global disasters really only started in 2004 when there was a major tsunami on the other side of the world. Since then, I’ve been paying attention. And every year some type of disaster inevitably throws millions of people into the kind of tailspin that changes your life forever… and bursts into the American media for a week, maybe two. Then we’re back to The Bachelor and whoever else is wearing the least amount of clothes that month. Sad. So much suffering, and we are like ostriches with our heads in the sand.

One of my spiritual heroes is Francis Chan. He always makes me take a real hard look at my motivations and my choices, and he exemplifies a life that is simply wrapped up in God… it’s about God, for God, with God. I want that for my own life, and so he is a role model to me. If you aren’t familiar with Francis, he is the former pastor of a church in Simi Valley, CA called Cornerstone. (He wrote the books Crazy Love and Forgotten God as well… I’d recommend both.) I doubt I will ever meet him on this side of eternity, but I continue to be mentored by his teachings, and I pray that God will plant His truth deep into my heart.

After Francis resigned from Cornerstone earlier this year, he and his family sold their home and went overseas for a few months to several countries in Asia to serve among the poor. I would give anything for Joshua and I to be able to do the same. I hope that after Joshua gets his RN, maybe we will. I know that Joshua left part of his heart in India and I have an inexplicable urge to go to Asia. Maybe it’s not so inexplicable.

We’ll see what becomes of us. For now… patience, growth, surrender, and trust. I wonder if God asked me to sell all of my possessions and give myself to the poor, if I would have the gumption to obey. It’s a gnawing question for this sojourner living the life of a middle-class American.

Daydreaming of the apocalypse

2011-01-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

Well, this is a little different than daydreaming of the apocalypse (which will be a terrifying day). But I do often daydream about what it would be like if disaster (or terrorism) struck and our entire American way of doing life was annihilated. Just think… you may own your house, but you don’t make your own electricity or have your own water source. You may cook your own food, but you don’t know how to grow it, or even know what’s in season. You may sew your own clothes, but you don’t know how to make your own cotton fabric, or know how to get wool from a sheep’s hide to socks on your feet.

Joshua was telling me yesterday about a house being built here in Asheville that is “off the grid”—meaning, they are actually harnessing their own electricity (using solar panels) and selling what they don’t use back to the electric company for a profit. They collect their own water, harvest their own shiitake mushrooms (did you know that you actually have to drill holes in a log and insert the fungus?), and get rid of their waste with a septic system that turns everything into ash and pumps it back out into the earth as fertilizer. The house is so well-insulated (with hemp and clay from the site) that there is no need for a heater or for AC and the insulation ratings are double what are required for the standard American home. Apparently you can tour the place for $15 and Joshua and I are thinking about doing that one Saturday. This kind of green, self-sustaining building holds infinite interest for Joshua, and the self-reliant homestead holds equal interest for me.

I daydream about growing my own food and making my own butter and cheese, raising my own livestock and learning to make textiles. I find it a bit frightening that if the electric companies suddenly all shut their doors, many people in this country wouldn’t even know how to go about obtaining food after the supermarket aisles ran dry. In our age of technological advancement (which is honestly nothing short of amazing and in a way reminds me of Babel), we have abandoned the art of self-reliance. We are dependent upon our system of food and materials production, which, by the way, has not offered us a guarantee of not petering out at some point.

I want to learn how to weave a basket, hand-dip a candle, milk a cow, churn my own butter, work a loom, eat in season, collect herbs and make medicinal tinctures, cook on a woodstove… the list is almost endless. Lucky for me, I live in possibly the absolute perfect city to learn the art of self-sustainable living.

The beautiful part of it is, learning the art of making things yourself does not exclude the need for community. There is no way one person could run a homestead. Someone works with textiles, someone works the land, someone works with livestock. It is a beautiful patchwork of reliance upon one another and appreciation of skill and labor instead of dependence upon an isolating, money-driven system. Sign me up for class.

Day 9 - The Things You Don't Know

2011-01-11T16:33:00.000-05:00

Today, I learned something I didn’t know. I seem to be doing that a lot lately as far as diet and health are concerned.

The television was on in the break room at work… some morning show. I was warming up my breakfast and the health segment of the show came on. It was some doctor who just wrote a book about eating to beat diabetes. This, of course, piqued my interest—due to the fact that I am trying to cut out sugar and also due to the fact that before I began the Challenge, Joshua had really been concerned about the amount of sugar I was consuming daily and my family history of adult-onset diabetes. Anyways, my attention was grabbed and I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to be watching television. I’ll give myself a free pass since I was watching something related to my health. So I watched this segment where the doctor was revealing all the sugar that hides in foods that are fat free, etc. But what really got me was that in a lot of foods that advertise being “sugar free” there is an enormous amount of starch, which the body converts into sugar. I didn’t even know that. I have not cut out eating potatoes and corn (although I am monitoring how much I eat of them), which I know to be starchy vegetables. My battle with insidious sugar continues.

I thought about this for awhile, and decided that I think I would like to be able to eat a small amount of potatoes and corn during my Challenge. Meaning, I will not be eating potatoes and corn every day, nor will they replace the green veggies that I know need to make up the majority of my diet (still struggling with that one). But after some consideration, I think that if I step up my activity level beyond CFA (as in, walking or running several times a week) those two veggies shouldn’t kill me or prevent me from losing weight or feeling great. We’ll see though. This is only the beginning of Week 2… if I feel like those foods are becoming heavy or making me sluggish, I will cut them out.

So far, I have not felt an increase in my energy levels. I am waiting for that… everyone says it will come. I am going to give myself three weeks to feel a change before I start wondering if something is wrong. I have been pretty fatigued, though. Some of it is mental fatigue, I know. I need to find meaningful ways to refresh my spirit during this journey. It is very easy for me to become discouraged.

I have a genuine interest in our nation’s health and I hope one day I will be able to pay it forward and help those people who need it. I truly believe that much of it has to do with our culture’s transition to a supermarket and fast food nation, the increase in technology (which is great but has led to a sedentary lifestyle), and genuine ignorance on the part of the average American. The statistics about obesity in our country are alarming, and my heart really goes out to those who struggle with significant weight loss. I would love to open up a gym (CFA-style) one day that is especially for those who struggle with obesity that are really ready to make a change. But first I want to set the example in my own life. So the journey continues…

Forgetting

2011-01-10T19:56:00.001-05:00

I'm 25 years old and I'm already forgetting things as if I were 80.

My keys. My phone. My shoes. My purse.

One reason that I'm glad that I'm doing this 365 project is because I don't want to forget another year. Sure, sometimes things seem mundane, and I'm sure there will be plenty of days where I think, what the heck am I supposed to write about? But it will be a record of a year, nonetheless.

One of my dear friends wrote a Christmas letter that she sent to friends and family. One, I don't think I will ever be the type who gets out an annual Christmas letter, even though I like receiving them. I am just not that punctual. Or succinct. Two, after reading Heather's letter, I realized I couldn't remember 2010. Like, even the big events. Of course, after a few minutes of concentrated effort, I can remember some things. Getting a new job at the hospital. Performing in Godspell. Joshua starting the RN program. But the everyday memories are annoyingly absent.

So forgive me if my posts ever start to bore... I just want to record moments that I want to remember. Like how beautiful this snow was. And how I was able to leave work early, so I went sledding and threw snowballs and stood in a friend's kitchen catching up with beautiful Sue this afternoon who is one of those people in life that you just really admire and want to be like when you grow up. And how I miss watching my favorite shows, but I am so happy to make the time to go to the library and snuggle up with some of my favorite authors this winter. Speaking of favorite authors, I'd like some suggestions-- any good books you've read lately that you would recommend? Comment, please.

Still haven't taken our Christmas lights down...
It keeps snowing and I won't let Joshua up on the roof. :)

Day 8

2011-01-10T17:34:00.000-05:00

I’ve officially got one week under my belt. It’s probably the longest I’ve ever stuck to something regarding my eating habits, other than my year-long bout of vegetarianism (ummm… could I be any further from that now? haha).

Week one in review:

Eat a “paleo” diet, including lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, and oils that come from nuts and seeds (plus olive and coconut oil). No sugar, dairy, or grains. Plenty of water. Honey and organic peanut butter allowed. I think I did pretty good on the diet aspect. I ate some corn and (natural) popcorn this week and I am unclear on if corn is actually a grain or not… I think that it probably is, because of the full feeling it gives me after I eat it. Nothing else I ate this week made me feel that way… which has taken some getting used to. I need to be eating more vegetables (incorporating them into every meal).

No TV (including Hulu and Netflix). Take time to work on goals/desires listed on my 101 in 1001 lists instead. Stuck to the no TV goal. It was hard at first, but now I am really enjoying the time it frees up in my schedule. I started reading again which I haven’t done in forever and forgot how much I love sitting down with a good book.

No computer use after 8:30 p.m. Set a specific time to blog each day so that I am not crammed up against that deadline. I am enjoying this, too. It’s not hard to keep.

Pray intentionally about using food and entertainment as coping devices and journey with God into the deeper heart issues at hand. Haven’t really delved into this yet.

Try not to be too crabby at Joshua as I go through the “detox” phase. Trying… he says I’ve done better than he expected.

Whenever I am tempted to eat or drink something I shouldn’t, remember that it is not the last opportunity I’ll ever have to eat/drink ________. I haven’t had too many temptations. Today it is snowing and it is a perfect day to be cozy and I was wishing earlier that I could drink some hot chocolate. It wasn’t because I was actually craving it, it was just that I thought it would go perfectly with the weather. I’m into that sort of thing and not being able to match foods to events or moods because they aren’t sugar/dairy/grain-free is a little disappointing. Takes some of the joy out of the eating process for me. I think I might be a foodie.

Enjoy an active lifestyle! Go to a class at CrossFit Asheville twice per week, start training walks for the 3-Day Walk in September, start running again, incorporate swimming into my fitness regimen, go hiking with Joshua and friends, explore new places and activities, do an “at home” WOD once per week on an off-CrossFit day. I have been really tired this first week. I went to both CFA classes, but other than a quick walk one evening, the rest of my time has been pretty sedentary.

Let myself cry if I need to. Twice in one week. I’m just trying to go with the flow.

Get at least eight hours of sleep per night. Use candles instead of man-made lights after sundown when possible. Everyone at CFA has stressed the importance of getting enough sleep, so this has been a major focus for me. The candles have mainly been just before bed… I’d like to try to back it up even more so that I can get as close to sundown as possible. I still feel tired after a full night’s sleep, although when I wake up I do feel more rested than I have in a long time. The fatigue just sets in early in the day. I don’t know if it’s sugar or caffeine withdrawals or that I need to be eating more for breakfast or what.

Spend quality time with my family. Spent more quality time with Joshua and Michelle this week than I have in a normal work week in forever!

Spend quality time with my God. Found myself somewhat avoiding this. Must not want to get down into the muck and mire of things yet…

I have realized this week that I definitely have some feelings lurking in the depths of my emotional waters that I have been avoiding with food and entertainment for a long while. I’ve known this on some level, of course, but now is the time I’m going to have to deal with it. Fun, fun. I am a little discouraged about it.

Day 7

2011-01-09T18:56:00.000-05:00

I have been dreaming about watching TV (and then feeling guilty) and about eating foods I shouldn't (and then feeling guilty).

Can't figure out what my subconscious is thinking...

Before I forget...

2011-01-09T18:50:00.000-05:00

Norah Jones... a good cry... waiting for a snowstorm... good Sunday night. :)

Norah Jones-- I mean, who doesn't like Norah Jones? I'm partial to her first album. Her voice reminds me of hot chocolate.

A good cry-- one of my goals on my 90-Day Challenge was to let myself cry if I need to. I'm blaming it mostly on the "harmonies" (to quote Aunt Voula) but I am still being faithful to let myself go there and get it all out. Just say no to emotional constipation.

Waiting for a snowstorm-- apparently it's coming. Although they always say some fantastical weather event is coming and usually it's a dud. I've always been home when there has been a big snow event, though, so it will be interesting if we really do get almost a foot of snow and I'm at work. I will probably spend most of the day looking out the window. :)

How well do you know Emma Worthy?

2011-01-08T18:05:00.000-05:00

Strange title, but that was the auto-fill when I got on this computer upstairs to blog for the day.

Snow started the day... when I woke up there was just a dusting, but an hour later I looked out the window and it looked like a blizzard. They're calling for a "major winter weather event" on Monday... should be like it was at Christmas, I'm thinking. I just hope I don't get stuck at the hospital. If it's going to be cold and dreary outside during winter, there might as well be snow. Everyone around here seems to hate it, but I think it's beautiful. Floridian.

Tonight has been a delicious evening of lying on the couch snuggled up with an afghan and a good book from the library. Going to put a pot of soup on the stove to eat for dinner... could we get any more cozy?

What are you doing on this Saturday night? Hopefully you're having a little more excitement than I am... I'm starting to sound like an old lady.

Other blog

2011-01-07T18:29:00.001-05:00

Link to the other blog if you are interested in how my 90-Day Challenge is going and all that jazz...

Day 5

2011-01-07T18:24:00.000-05:00

Last night I was the very last one in my class to complete our WOD at CrossFit. And it really was a dead last... at least a minute behind everyone else.

Strength/skill - Hang clean (first time doing this skill for me)

7 x 2 reps

Worked up to 48#

WOD - Complete 7 (grueling) rounds of:

5 burpees

50 ft. weighted lunges (started off with a 25# sandbag but then decided BW was good enough for me)

5 pull-ups (gray band)

For time: 14:27

There was a 15 minute cut-off for the work-out. I had been dreading doing this WOD since I saw it on the CFA website yesterday morning. I think I need to not look. My goal was just to finish before the time cut-off, which I did with 30 seconds to spare.

Sometimes it's hard for me not to get discouraged. I get so tired of coming in last (or in the bottom three) and just want to feel like a victor instead of the exhausted girl dragging herself across the finish line. I have to look back on what I've accomplished so far though... three months ago when I started CFA, I never would've been able to do this WOD, certainly not seven times through. I just want to feel like I am improving. I guess once I've been at CFA long enough that I start repeating work-outs, I will be able to see my own progress. And I have to remember that the way CrossFit works is that you are always challenging yourself to do more weight/resistance, so the WODs will always be difficult.

On another note, I am discovering the true nature of my dependence on sugar. It really is a sneaky little beast, isn't it? This morning I woke up ravenous and craving it. Visions of hot chocolate and buttered cinnamon raisin toast swirled through my head on my drive to work. I had a pear and some left-over eggs and a bit of steak for breakfast once I got to the office. I'm getting really tired of meat. Still hungry, I headed to the cafeteria to see what I could find that fits my Challenge boundaries. I ended up leaving with two pieces of bacon (something else I've been craving), a bowl of fruit and raisins, and a bottle of orange juice. When I got back to the office, I looked at the back of the bottle of OJ and saw that it has a whopping 25g of sugar in it! That's pretty much the same as a can of Coke. It's fructose that comes naturally from the fruit and not HFCS, but it's sugar to my body all the same. And the same goes for the pineapple, grapes, and strawberries I grabbed. Fructose, fructose, and more fructose.

My body is being quite insidious toward me in its attempts to maintain normal sugar intake. Here I am thinking I'm being all healthy with my fresh fruit and "100% juice" and it turns out I might've well just have grabbed a bottle of soda and some candy.

Lesson learned: watch the fruit intake. More veggies. More, more, more veggies.

Change

2011-01-07T18:10:00.000-05:00

There are some changes going on at my workplace right now that are probably hard for some folks and exciting for others. It’s made me start thinking about my own attitude toward change. I’ve always moved a lot… since the age of eight, it’s been a habit to up and move every three years or so. I had to fight the urge to transfer to another school when I was in college when that familiar restlessness crept in. The biggest change of my life thus far happened in 2008, though, with the non-move. Having everything decided and then at the last minute experiencing a clear-as-a-bell divine intervention into those perfectly made plans (leaving you with no money, no place to live, no transportation, and no job) gives you a big, heaping dose of change.

Everything was thrown for a loop that year. All of my expectations, all of everyone else’s expectations (be they real or imagined by me), everything was completely shattered… and I use the word shattered because at times it was very painful for me. There were a lot of tears shed. A lot of confusion. A lot of surrender. The echoes of that divine intervention still reach into my life today. Whenever I find myself growing despondent over the fact that I’m “not where I should be” at this point in life, I just have to look back and remember that August day. I asked for it. He gave me what I asked for. Shouldn’t start complaining now.

All of that to say, I think that I might have learned a preliminary lesson or to about learning to accept life change. Not that tomorrow something couldn’t fly out of left field and leave me reeling, but I guess I’ve learned what to do with the reeling. Where to take it. Who to take it to. It makes it feel less threatening and more like an adventure. And really it is an adventure, and it’s not threatening, because when you take a moment to step back from your life and remember that you’re not in control of hardly anything anyway (even though we do such a good job of convincing ourselves otherwise!), then it’s a freefall into an existence of unexpected adventures and soul-making surprises. There’s freedom in that, folks.

81 mil

2011-01-06T16:28:00.001-05:00

Today at lunch some of my co-workers and I were talking about those folks who just won the lottery—like the Mega Jackpot lottery or whatever. One of the ladies was saying that two people won the big ticket, and that they could do one lump payment of $81 million or get annual payments.

That got me to thinking about what I would do if I got one lump sum of $81 million at one time.

First, I was immediately paranoid about the thought of putting it all in the banking system in case there was ever another crash like the Great Depression. Then I thought about having $81 million in cash in my house and watching it burn to the ground. Of course, in my mind, the next logical option was to spend it.

Things I immediately thought to spend it on:

- Land, land, and lots of land

- A house

- World travel

- The thousands of charities I could write a check to

- A house for some folks I know who could really use one

- The personal masseur I would have on staff until the end of my days

If you had $81 million to blow, what are some things you would spend it on?

Day 3

2011-01-05T18:23:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to CF for the first time in two weeks.

Strength/skill - Back Squat

Add 10 lbs. to previous 5RM (92#)

Worked up to 102#

WOD - Complete 5 rounds of:

8 push-press, 70% of previous 5RM (48#) - used 37#

16 lateral box jumps - 8" height (used two 45# plates)

For time: 7:55

How it felt: Back squats felt strong. Probably could've pushed it another 10# but 102# was strenuous. Still concentrating on keeping my knees from diving in. WOD was difficult. Push-press was strong but trying by the end of the work-out. Sad that I couldn't use a 12" box for the lat jumps but it was my first time and standing next to the box and trying to wrap my mind around jumping high and wide enough to clear it sideways was actually a scary feeling. Glad that I used the plates when I got tired in the work-out and landed on the edge of the plates a few times... that would've been a big crash on a box. Want my cardiovascular fitness to improve so that I can complete WODs faster without stopping to breathe as many times.

The "I" Word

2011-01-05T16:24:00.000-05:00

I am really excited about the new year. Like I said before, I love new beginnings, new goals, new aspirations. I’m not watching any TV during my 90-Day Challenge, and I’m also looking forward to how stepping away from my normal habits will open up my life to new experiences.

What new experiences are you looking forward to in 2011? Life is so interesting in that there is always upheaval and change going on so you can almost always find something to be concerned with, but then time can pass and you look back and realize you’ve missed out on intentional living. 2011 is about surrender and trust for me. I believe the equation God has downloaded into my brain is surrender + trust = intimacy. I have been praying about the subject of intimacy for a long time.

Sidenote: Are you one of those people who gets squeamish just reading the word? Intimacy. Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy. I have to admit to being one of those people myself.

I’ll let you know how the journey goes. I have to be honest—when I was sitting with the Lord and He revealed this theme to me for the year, I wasn’t thrilled. And yet at the same time I was satisfied in that way you are when you are about to swallow foul-tasting medicine but you know in the end it is going to make you feel better. I think that I have been making my way to this point… the point where I am actually ready to go through the hard stuff to get to the good stuff. I seem to be tackling this in many areas of my life all at once, and sometimes I feel on emotional overload. But I keep walking, keep making choices, keep enjoying the little rewards of those choices and letting them fuel my progress. And most of all I am dreaming for more.

If I had to describe the general emotional state of my week so far, it would be this: You know that feeling you get after you’ve had a good, long cry? It feels kind of good, doesn’t it? Kind of clean? That’s how I feel.

Surrender and trust. How funny will it be if next year is trust and obey?

The daily

2011-01-04T16:36:00.000-05:00

I was letting myself cop-out today with the writing. I had written this drivel that was supposedly “stream of consciousness” but really I think it was just lazy.

I once read this book—I think it was called “The War of Art” but I can’t remember—that talked about disciplining yourself to practice your art even when inspiration has not yet struck. That’s actually the only thing I remember from the book… and there was something about keeping a pair of work boots underneath your desk and putting them on to write daily, even when you didn’t feel like it. All I know is that for the longest time after reading that, I kept my combat boots beneath my desk. I never put them on to write, though.

I remembered that passage today and erased the nonsense I had written and began this instead. Writing for the sake of writing… I think that goes against F. Scott Fitzgerald’s? famous philosophy of writing because you have something to say. I always kind of liked that philosophy, but then I talked myself into a 365 blog project.

90-Day Challenge

2011-01-03T18:16:00.000-05:00

At the start of every year, CFA encourages everyone to do a 90-Day Challenge. Last year it was a challenge to eat a strict paleo diet. This year, it was more of a "make your own goals that will be a challenge" type deal. So here it is...

My 90-Day Challenge
January 3, 2011 – April 2, 2011

Eat a “paleo” diet, including lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, and oils that come from nuts and seeds (plus olive and coconut oil). No sugar, dairy, or grains. Plenty of water. Honey and organic peanut butter allowed.
No TV (including Hulu and Netflix). Take time to work on goals/desires listed on my 101 in 1001 lists instead.
No computer use after 8:30 p.m. Set a specific time to blog each day so that I am not crammed up against that deadline.
Pray intentionally about using food and entertainment as coping devices and journey with God into the deeper heart issues at hand.
Try not to be too crabby at Joshua as I go through the “detox” phase.
Whenever I am tempted to eat or drink something I shouldn't, remember that it is not the last opportunity I’ll ever have to eat/drink ________.
Enjoy an active lifestyle! Go to a class at CrossFit Asheville twice per week, start training walks for the 3-Day Walk in September, start running again, incorporate swimming into my fitness regimen, go hiking with Joshua and friends, explore new places and activities, do an “at home” WOD once per week on an off-CrossFit day.
Let myself cry if I need to.
Get at least eight hours of sleep per night. Use candles instead of man-made lights after sundown when possible.
Spend quality time with my family.
Spend quality time with my God.

I plan to keep this online journal as a record of my progress in the gym (by keeping track of my WODs and other fitness info) and also as a record of my progress mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as I journey on the walk of a transformed life. It is a transformation of my whole person—not just a body.

Today was Day One of the Challenge. It has not been as difficult as I might have imagined… perhaps because my mind is resolute this time around. This is what I want to do—and pizza and Coke and bread and ice cream will all be there on April 3 if I have the inclination to put them in my mouth again. Hopefully, my body will change and so will my mind, and I will prefer green foods to things made of flour and high fructose corn syrup.

We got a juicer last night, which is an amazing tool to have in this process.

The thing I am the most nervous about is having enough variety in my diet. I don’t want to get sick of eating the same things over and over again. Here’s to hoping that won’t be an issue…

The internet was down yesterday, it wasn't my fault

2011-01-03T16:26:00.000-05:00

The holidays began and ended in the garage for me.

On December 23^rd at about 3:00 a.m., I opened the garage door to greet Kristie who had just arrived in her little silver compact (packed to the hilt) from Virginia. I had been up all night editing home videos to give as Christmas gifts anyway, and as I ran up our sloped driveway to wrap her in a welcoming bear hug, there was something magical about the combination of the hushed nighttime cold and the old-school Christmas lights glowing from our front porch and the stars twinkling in the sky from a thousand light years away. We were both nearly collapsing in our exhaustion, but as we twirled around in joy upon her arrival, I looked up at the inky black sky and memorized it for a moment.

The next ten days made up the best Christmas I have had in a long time. Christmas Eve was a cooking extravaganza for our Italian feast that night. When Joshua’s dad and step-mom arrived late in the day, antipasto was chilling in the fridge; meatballs had been rolled and were simmering in homemade marinara sauce; minestrone was bubbling away on the stovetop; eggplant parmesan was finding its way into the oven; the dough for our cannoli shells was just being prepped. We had planned a seven course meal for the six of us that night and everything was to die for. Course one – antipasto from Kristie’s family recipe. Cubes of Swiss cheese, slices of Genoa salami, olives of all shapes and sizes together in a vinegar dressing. Riesling paired with the first four courses. Two – homemade minestrone and warm, crusty bread with olive oil and Italian spices for dipping. Three – house salad and refills on the bread. Four – palette cleansing wild berry sorbet and fresh strawberries. Finish off the Riesling and switch to Lambrusco. Five – the most delicious eggplant parmesan I have ever tasted. Six – fresh spaghetti with meatballs. Seven – homemade cannoli and coffee. We sat around the table talking and sharing and laughing and crying for over three hours. It was the most fun that I might have ever had at a meal… and possibly the most food I’ve ever eaten in one sitting. By the seventh course we all felt like we might actually die if we had to go one more round.

On Christmas I woke up and looked out the window and was greeted by one of my favorite things… the silence of snowfall. Within an hour the ground was blanketed in white and there was no sign of the weather letting up. My parents had managed to fly into Charlotte that morning but their connecting flight to Asheville was cancelled at the last minute. Thus the Geiger clan was faced with the indomitable task of finding a way to get my parents up through the mountains in the midst of what was turning into an unrelenting snowstorm. Ever brave and always throwing caution to the wind, the Geiger men determined to drive down the mountain on an unplowed highway to pick up my parents in Greenville, SC where they had managed to get a flight into the Greenville-Spartanburg airport after some finagling in Charlotte.

Christmas night was wonderful. There was feasting, feasting, and more feasting on a traditional holiday dinner (roasted turkey—thank you Alton Brown for the wonderful recipe—and dressing and cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes and honey baked ham and green bean casserole and sweet potatoes and corn pudding casserole and roasted potatoes… can you tell we like potatoes?) and plenty more laughter to go around. After dinner we settled into the living room to actually read the Christmas story (Joshua did a wonderful job leading this portion of the evening) and what I originally thought might be hokey turned into a tender spiritual experience for our entire family. We ended in a round of heartfelt prayers and then someone (who shall remain nameless, she writes sheepishly) yelled out, “Can we open presents now?” and we all moved again to the downstairs living room, where the peaceful aura surrounding our beautiful Frasier fir soon erupted into a frenzy of wrapping paper, hoots of delight, and general merriment. Add in a rousing group reading of Dr. Seuss’s “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” and it was a perfect night.

The rest of our time together flew by in a happy blur. There was sledding and snowball fights, movie watching and the passing of the holiday popcorn tin, a battle of the sexes game of Guesstures and a highly inappropriate and hilarious round of telephone that ended in a marriage proposal. (Can’t believe my sis-in-love is old enough to be getting married!) There was so much eating I think we all gained 15 pounds, and a trip to Grove Park Inn to see the gingerbread house display and eat overpriced hors d’eouvres in front of the mammoth stone fireplaces. There was the undertaking of decorating unintentionally flat Italian butter cookies with fabulously homemade meringue icing. There was spanakopita and champagne to ring in 2011 with Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest, and there was a day of resolution-making and open-hearted sharing.

It all ended yesterday, as Joshua and I stood in the garage and waved goodbye to Kristie as she drove up our sloped driveway and headed home to Virginia, little silver compact packed to the hilt. As we closed the garage door, a wave of sadness engulfed me and I felt my eyes getting misty. I wasn’t ready for it to end. The laughter, the cooking and eating, the community… it is wonderful. I wish I could live like that all the time. It makes me thankful that Joshua and I don’t live completely on our own, because even though the atmosphere at our house isn’t always as care-free and contagious as it was this Christmas, it is communal. Kristie left yesterday afternoon, but the Worthys rolled back into town at about 4:00 a.m., and it’s a new year with new promise. And I couldn’t have asked for a better way to say goodbye to 2010.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T17:46:00.002-05:00

First day of 2011...! It is hard to believe.

I love new beginnings and I love re-prioritizing. It’s fresh; it’s invigorating; it’s motivating. Hope and promise are delectable words for me—I can taste them like morning dew alighting on my tongue.

I have a number of goals for 2011. The one most pertinent to you is a re-commitment to the blogosphere. I would like to attempt a 365 project for my blog—one post per day. I haven’t written in awhile and it’s time to tune in to that side of myself again. A lot of times I find 20-something bloggers to be pretentious and I know my own leanings in that direction. I want to avoid that like the plague. So here is my purposeful laying down of a know-it-all attitude and a surrender of any temptation to emit that “I’m so much cooler than you could ever hope to be, watch me use this impressive vocabulary word” vibe.

Speaking of impressive vocabulary words, Joshua did buy me a fun word-of-the-day tear-off calendar for Christmas, per my request. So while I will steer away from showy word usage, I guarantee you that there will be some new words peppered throughout my posts this year. Especially my favorites from the calendar.

I am going to start a new blog that is an online log of my physical health this year, too. Starting Monday, I will be undertaking the CrossFit Asheville 90-Day Paleo challenge. I want a separate space to record that process as well as a place to start recording my WOD stats so that, say, a year from now, I can look back and laugh at how wimpy I was in the gym this January. If by any chance this sort of thing interests you, I'll share the link for that blog once I get it up and running.

Last night Joshua, Kristie, Michelle, her fiancée Christian, and I celebrated New Year's together... mostly in the kitchen. First event was baking Italian butter cookies and then making homemade icing (recipe that I found on the Pioneer Woman's blog). The icing was a bit of work, but so worth the effort-- especially when we could do such fun things with the cookie decorating!

Then we made dinner (FYI... mashed potatoes with heavy whipping cream added in-- divine) and moved on to the realm of delicious Greek food... spanakopita! We ushered in the New Year with Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark and a bottle of bubbly.

(The following sentence must be spoken in the bristly accent of an English gentleman:) Very good start to a new year if I do say so myself.

Case in point

2010-12-03T22:41:00.000-05:00

Going right along with my most recent post... a friend snapped this photo in a local grocery store today. Can you find Stinky Hippie in your neighborhood grocery?

Only 12 posts for the whole year???

2010-11-30T21:08:00.000-05:00

I just realized I only posted 12 blogs for the entire year of 2010. Make that 13. But I don't like odd numbers, so I'll have to post at least once more before 2011 rolls into town.

I was looking at our bathroom counter the other day and the assortment of toiletries that litter it, and I laughed out loud at the "Ashevillian transformation" that has certainly found its way into my life.

Things you never would've found in my bathroom prior to 2008:

Anything made by Dr. Bronner (ALL ONE!), Tom's, or Alba
Patchouli (Heather, I warned you about this once. It means the hippie phase is going too far. Intervention may be required.)
Peppermint oil, Thieves oil, any essential oils, really
Tinctures
Kyolic
A Neti pot

It's getting deep, it really is.

It's not polite to ignore a request

2010-10-21T21:10:00.006-04:00

My beloved Heather Heather "officially" requested a blog update about and I quote:

-something pensive

-something funny
-something listing
-something just letting the blogging world know you are still alive

So here it is.

Well, I'm not very good at funny. I don't think I've even had a really good embarrassing moment lately, except when I went about guessing the ages of my female co-workers and was wrong... totally, totally wrong. And not in the good, I guessed you're younger than you really are sort of way. So, blogging world, I am still alive! Alive and kicking, actually. Right now my life consists of a new job at the local hospital, helping my dear friend Grammy Doris connect with the online world as she fundraises for her ministry (teaching a 70-something year old woman to use Facebook is precious and priceless! I've got to get some of this on film), getting my tail whipped at CrossFit Asheville, and prioritizing time with my husband who is into his first year of nursing school and pretty much on an opposite schedule from me. Life is busy and having a full-time job again I am settling into "normal." For some reason, a few years ago the idea of a normal life was like the black plague to me. I think it's because I have a tendency to base my sense of worth on what I do. I am just now starting to realize that radical, warrior, brave, and otherworldly are matters of the heart, and from the heart flow actions that shape a life.

A song that I have been meditating on lately is called Slow Your Breath Down by Future of Forestry. It kind of sums up where I've been and what God has been speaking to me.

I find myself an interesting paradox these days... still full of the same conviction, fire, and passion that I've always embodied, but tempered by pain, heartache, and the realization that life and God do not fit into the nice little box tied with a bow that I had made up so nicely. I find myself a little less quick to speak, a little less quick to decide, and a little more aware that people are not always as they seem.

The best weekend I've had in a long time was last weekend. I went on a canopy zipline tour through the Nantahala Gap on the very westernmost edge of North Carolina with good friends and family. After a long (and early day) of adventuring, I returned home to make spanakopita with my family in a kitchen that isn't my own but I feel welcome in because I am part of a community. Sitting around the table with hands messy with olive oil talking about dreams and God and memories, laughing and teasing and loving... this was a good day.

In list fashion, to close this out... some random tidbits for your reading enjoyment...

1 - CrossFit. You will be hearing about this. It is intense and about elite athleticism. I have been doing a six-week course called OnRamp that teaches the basic foundations of Olympic lifting so that I can join a regular class. I feel like I'm going to die after most sessions. But I am realizing more and more that it is a discipline of the mind. Success or defeat is decided in the mind.

2 - Paleo/primal/clean lifestyle. It goes hand-in-hand with CF training. Basically lean meats, lots of veggies, some fruit, some seeds and nuts and oils made from them, no grains, no legumes, no dairy, no sugar at all. It's a choice I'm going to have to make... I can feel it in my body. My body wants to perform but I'm feeding it crappy fuel and it's killing me for it. More discipline, my favorite. Working on it.

3 - The Closer. Can I tell you how much I LOVE Kyra Sedgwick. "Thank yooouuuu!"

4 - The soundtrack from How to Train Your Dragon. How to Train Your Dragon for that matter. Super cute movie. Soundtrack that I play on repeat constantly.

5 - Photography. I can't really explain this, except it is a creative outlet for me, and it is a creativity that I am coaxing back to life slowly after a long period of dormancy. I hope that it will be thriving again one day.

6 - 3-day Walk. I am set on joining the Girlapalooza Team headed up by my friend Kak and walking the 2011 3-day in D.C. I will be hitting you up for donations, be prepared.

7 - Loving my new job. God is good to me.

8 - Still living lean, but we have what we need. Today I went to the eye doctor and I had insurance. It's been a long time since I have been able to say that.

9 - I will be back driving the Biltmore buses again soon for Candlelight evenings at Biltmore Estate... and hopefully driving some sweet cars for valet, too.

10 - "Slow your breath down, just take it slow. Find your heart now... you can trust and love again."

the beginning

2010-10-05T20:27:00.000-04:00

Okay, so this is where it begins.

I have just hung up the phone after ordering a large half cheese, half pepperoni and mushroom pizza from Papa John's. My husband will be picking this up on his way home from class, and we will sit down together and probably end up watching Biggest Loser.

Window into the life of Joshua and I:

Me - full-time job, part-time photographer

Joshua - full-time student

Busy begins to describe life for us.

At this point in time, mid-twenties, we are both starting to come into our own. For me, that means questioning my habits and starting to make some changes. Mindfulness. Awareness. Not just blind consumption and routine anymore.

I am 25, short, and a size 8. Two years ago I was a size 4. The beginning of this process began with looking at myself in the mirror, and taking a moment to stop and realize how I felt in my own body. I stopped liking what I saw... and I stopped liking how I felt. Sizes may or may not matter to you. To me, there is something nice about saying I wear a small size, I'll admit to that vanity. But the journey I'm about to go on is more than just the size of my pants. It's about health, and about quality of life. It's about living up to genetic potential, and living up to my own desires for myself. I am not a slave to food, habits, or lies.

Where this is going first for me is diet. I have just started going to CrossFit Asheville, where I am working on strength. But those grueling CrossFit WODs (work-out of the day) aren't going to change my body if I don't have a proper foundation in place... and as much as I am loathe to admit it, the foundation is what I am putting into my mouth.

As you can tell from my opening line, I am not a health nut. In practice. There is a growing file of knowledge accumulating in my brain about nutrition, and the American food industry, and our bodies' design. It is just starting to trickle down that place-- you know, the place that makes you change.

The first step for me is going to be sugar. Which is problematic because I love Coke. Love, love, love Coke. The carbonation. The flavor. Its perfect accompaniment to all things salty, especially pizza. I know that I have to cut sugar. I know it. But I fear doing it because I also know that my cravings are going to be horrendous. Like an addict going through withdrawals.

Because I am an addict.

This is the hardest part of the process of transformation. Confrontation with the truth. About self, about life, about things that are ugly or things that hurt. It means pain. And everyone hates pain.

But through pain lies a transformed life. This is such a deep truth.

For now, I am going to enjoy my pizza (and Coke, I ordered a 20 oz. and didn't tell you) and watch Jillian kick the living daylights out of the contestants on Biggest Loser.

I'll let you know when I get the courage to kick the habit. It's got to be soon. I will probably post on the diabolical traits sugar so that I can give my self a little jump-start. Here we go.

process:transformation

2010-10-05T20:02:00.002-04:00

proc'ess (pros'es) n. 1, course; progress; lapse (of time). 2, a series of changes leading to some result.

transˑform' v.t. change in form, appearance, or condition.

This is a blog about my own process of transformation-- and it's online because it is my hope that someone, somewhere will be able to benefit from my own journey.

Primarily, at the beginning, this might be a reflection of a physical journey. Food, movement, life... this is where it begins. I gather it will take me somewhere far beyond that.

Hope you'll enjoy the ride with me as I question, try new things, and change.

Summer lovin'

2010-06-15T20:00:00.000-04:00

The weather tonight has to be one of my favorite things about Asheville. Does it get any better than dark storm clouds thundering their way through the mountains? The sound as thunder echoes through the peaks and valleys is like nature's surround sound. Mix that with the percussive melody of raindrops falling through treetop canopies and it is my favorite soundtrack ever. Seriously. You know those little noise machines? Most people like the setting that is supposed to sound like waves crashing on an ocean shore. (I don't really think it sounds like that hardly at all.) I know a few odd ones who actually like the white noise setting. (What...?) Me... I will always choose the rainstorm. If that is not available, I will happily make due with the babbling brook.

I added something new to my "things I must have visitors experience in Asheville" list. Some existing items include pizza and a movie at the Brew and View, picnicking along the Rocky Bald River in Chimney Rock, an ice-cold adventure at Sliding Rock, and coming to Highland. Sadly, I had to retire spelunking in the fissure caves at Rumbling Bald, because the bats are dying of something called White Nose Syndrome that nobody knows anything about, but humans are probably part of the problem so no more disturbing the bats in Western North Carolina. Boo, hiss. For their information, I only ever saw one bat at Rumbling Bald... although come to think of it, I think it might have been sick because Joshua came awful close to picking it up off the wall and it didn't even put up a fight or flap a wing. Whatever. Save the bats.

New adventure: Tubing on the Green River down in Saluda. Normally, tubing down a river is something that you might classify as relaxing and fun to do with a group of friends, but not an adventure, per se. Might I ask you... what if said river had... rapids?

The Green River is not your Granny's river, especially with the amount of rainfall we've had in the past year. There are whitewater rapids interspersed with calm flowing waters that make the three-hour float down the river a bona-fide adventure. Add in the snakes and that takes the adventure rating up a whole 'nother notch.

The bathrooms at the tubing rental place leave a LOT to be desired, so I would suggest being dressed for the water when you arrive (I wasn't) and peeing in the river instead of chancing one of the toilets. But overall, it's a great way to spend an afternoon, especially since it's just $7.00 per person. And I didn't see one snake, which I count as divine intervention because God knows how I feel about those creatures.

So, next time you come to visit me in Asheville during warm weather season, you can bet I'll take you tubing. What's fun to do in your neck of the woods?

Blog-worthy!

2010-06-12T22:29:00.000-04:00

Today I ran my first race, the Oppenheimer Run for Kids' Sake 5K. I have been training for it since about the beginning of May, and it felt so good to cross that finish line today! I finished in 35:12 (although I'd like to just say 35:00 because the first 12 seconds were spent waiting to cross the starting line since I was in the back of the pack) and managed to place 2nd in my age group (I haven't found out exactly how many people were in the female 20-24 group yet... I'm going to laugh if it's like three or something). But it was so much fun! Running in North Carolina is not easy because of all of the hills... I definitely need to do some hill training. But I am super stoked about running more races this year, and my running buddy Deb and I really want to train for the Chicago Marathon in October 2011. Yay for crossing the finish line!

Summertime

2010-06-07T21:16:00.000-04:00

Today's top three reasons I love summertime in Asheville:

1. The sun is rising when I leave the house at ten 'til five to go to the gym in the morning, and when I come home at 9:00 at night there is still daylight.

2. Corn stalks shooting up toward the sky and green bean tendrils winding their way around our homemade trellises in our vegetable garden.

3. Fireflies!

God has been doing something so refreshing and exciting in my heart this week. After a year of struggle, confusion, and (more often than not) discontentment, I feel like my head has broken the waterline and I am breathing life-giving oxygen again. Upcoming blog on this wonderfulness soon... preferably on a day that does not involve the regular gym, work, evening commitment insanity of schedule. This week that probably means Wednesday. Be on the look out!

Welcome back

2010-06-01T16:43:00.002-04:00

I suppose I am welcoming myself back to the blogosphere. It's been a long absence of writing on a regular basis.

This has been a hard year for me... I'm not even sure where to begin. A part of me wants to start a new blog because I feel detached from... well, before. Before what, exactly? I'm not sure about that, either.

Joshua and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that it has been a whole year since we stood on the side of a mountain and said our vows to one another. Marriage has turned out to be so much more and so much different than anything I thought it would be. It has been a hard year for us. We are two people with different wounds and different broken places within our hearts, and joining together in such a significant relationship, there is bound to be some collateral damage along the way.

Marriage is more than I thought it would be because I have a deep-- and when I say deep, I mean deep in that sense that you know with all of your guts-- knowledge of the presence of the covenant that unifies us and the fact that it is not Joshua and I who are holding it together but God Almighty Himself. Marriage is so different than I thought it would be because I am an American woman and we are all brainwashed by movies, romantic novels, and society in general which asserts that love is more about how someone makes you feel rather than what you give. No matter how many times you say, "I know it's not like the movies" the truth is you actually don't know that, not until you are in it. This year I have been unabashedly confronted with my own selfishness, self-centeredness, and the realization of just how conditional my love for others truly is.

All of that to say, marriage is not for sissies.

My 25th birthday is coming up later this year. When I was 19 and on my second tattoo, I decided I wouldn't get any more ink until I turned 25. That seemed like an eternity at the time... now here I am. I recently decided on the spot I'd like to get it done, but the inspiration for the actual tat has eluded me. Today I was reading the psalms and as I read these verses I think they might have provided that inspiration.

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

The images are rolling around in my brain. I wish I could draw.

I think I've decided to return to blogging for awhile. Hope you'll join me.

Blog spam?

2010-02-11T10:21:00.000-05:00

I never wanted to do this, but I just had to add stinky word confirmation to my comments settings because I've just started getting blog spam. Who does that?

Favorite Superbowl Commercial

2010-02-08T12:20:00.000-05:00

Okay... so this one was my favorite.

What was yours?

Maybe it's time to update this

2010-02-04T13:45:00.002-05:00

When I moved from LiveJournal to Blogger in 2008, I started a 100 things list to introduce myself to the world. I was just looking over some of my old posts and thought it might be fun to update that list and add to it (since I still haven't reached 100.)

This is a compilation of the old list... look for "update notes" in red.

1. I have a 30-minute commute from my apartment to the campus where I work and I absolutely love it. A highway drive that cuts through the Blue Ridge mountains... what's not to love? At this time of year I get a daily dose of gorgeous sunrises and sunsets, and coupled with Colbie Collait crooning love songs to me through my stereo, I couldn't ask for more. Sure as heck beats the old bumper-to-bumper carbon dioxide-infused rush-hour that Orlando has to offer. My commute still takes about 30 minutes, but ten of it is in the oasis of Biltmore Estate.

2. I like words that contain dashes (see last sentence of #1) and I also like to use the cliffhanger dash-- just like this.

3. I adore Netflix and am currently working through season three of ER. Michelle got me a Netflix subscription for Christmas (had to quit my subscription awhile ago) and I'm loving it! Joshua actually bought me several seasons of ER for Christmas and we've started from the beginning and are watching them together... he's hooked. :)

4. Speaking of ER, I am a die-hard fan (of seasons one through three, at least). My favorite character is Dr. Mark Greene, followed in short order by Dr. John Carter who actually was quite endearing as a med student. Then of course the Carol Hathaway/Dr. Doug Ross relationship is starting to heat up in this season, but for me that is bittersweet because I realize that shortly thereafter Dr. Ross (played by the devilish George Clooney) will be leaving the show. Obviously, still a die-hard fan.

5. I could not survive life on earth without bread and potatoes. I must be a true Italian.

6. I'm a complete sucker for snuggling.

7. I don't eat chicken, beef or pork. But sometimes I really want to eat BBQ ribs. Definitely fell off the vegetarian bandwagon.

8. Sometimes music will hit this sweet spot in my soul that I can't really explain to anyone, but there is nothing like it.

9. I graduated college with a degree in interpersonal communication and still find myself amazingly interested in it. It has made me consider pursuing my master's in intercultural communication one day. Mmm... probably not.

10. I have ambitions to learn Spanish, French, Italian, German, Arabic, Chinese and Russian. My boyfriend (Joshua) and I have decided that if we learn one language every seven years, we can have it done before we die. I'm able to hold my own with Spanish already, so I think I'm ahead of the curve.

11. I'm an only child, but wasn't always. My younger sister died of heart disease 18 20 years ago. I now have a strange mix of only child/oldest child personality characteristics.

12. I love thunderstorms... which leads into the weird fact that I get very excited whenever a natural disaster is imminent. Is that sadistic? I am just most pumped in the midst of a crisis situation. Maybe I'm wired to do relief work.

13. My boyfriend bought me an iPod for Christmas. I had been secretly wanting one but trying to convince myself (quite publicly) that iPods are a detriment to society because they alienate people even further from one another in our already individualistic-to-the-point-of-ignoring-everyone-else lifestyles. I got an iPod speaker hook-up and share my tunes with everyone at work all day. I'm not sure if my Nigerian boss always digs my selection, but nobody has slammed their door shut yet. Seeing "my boyfriend" makes me smile. Still loving the iPod.

14. If I could live in any three American cities in my lifetime, I would pick Asheville, Chicago and D.C.

15. When I was in Rome I went to the Trevi fountain and threw coins over my shoulder so that I would come back to Italy married. I completely believe it will happen.

16. I like to organize the clothes hanging in my closet by color. Don't even get me started on the travesty of our clothing storage system.

17. Some days I really want to be married, and other days I am terrified of it. I'm pretty sure that's a sign I'm not ready yet. Ready or not... :)

18. I have these patent leather red high heels that make me feel absolutely bedazzling whenever I wear them.

19. I hate carrying a purse, but it's essential because I like to be forever prepared.

20. I spent a month in Nicaragua in 2006 and I'm pretty sure I left part of my heart there. I wonder a lot when I will get to go back. Hopefully this year with Dacia and Adam!

22. I love the sound of moving water. Rain. Waterfalls. Babbling brooks. Fountains. Ocean waves. I must live by that sound.

23. Going to the library makes me excited. I actually have daydreams about visiting the Library of Congress.

24. You know how little girls love horses? I never grew out of that stage.

25. I refuse to go shopping unless I have money because it puts me in a foul mood otherwise. I don't understand how "browsing for fun" is fun at all. I also have no patience when it comes to searching around for the best deal.

26. I have a Harley fetish. I am also not afraid of Bike Week and the girls in thongs and chaps and the saloons that go along with it.

27. If I could have one luxury in life, I would choose weekly massages. Oh, please.

28. I adore going to the symphony. The first time I went, it was to hear the Royal Philharmonic in Orlando and when they started to play, it literally took my breath away and I let out a huge gasp. It was one of the most glorious sounds I've ever heard.

29. I read the dictionary for fun.

30. I'm a brand-name snob, especially about food. Blame my mother. Umm... being poor has completely obliterated this. For the most part.

31. Somewhere along the way, I stopped being ashamed of liking what I like. Yes, I love Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and I own Season 1 on DVD. Yes, I like to eat ketchup on my garlic alfredo noodles. Yes, I like new age “earth sounds” music and some Kenny G and lots of country. And yes, I love cheesy chick flicks and “inspirational romance novels.”

32. I love working in academia even though I’m not an academician. Those are both real words, by the way. Josh told me that “academician” sounds like some sort of alien life form. Which makes me laugh, because sometimes I think they might be. But really—I am like a little sponge on my campus, and if I hang around these people for longer than ten minutes I never fail to learn something new, whether it be a new word for my voracious vocabulary or psychological theory. Like I said, I'm working for Biltmore Estate now, but it's still a place of history and learning and I'm soaking it up!

33. I love, love, love! having the perfect word. Articulation is a fine art.

34. I am interested in way too many things to ever become an expert on anything, I think. Except maybe intercultural communication. I can see myself becoming an expert on that. My boss wants me to go to graduate school. So did my old boss. So do my grandparents. But what about meeeee? How about we just get my husband through nursing school right now?

35. Despite my greatest attempts, I never drink enough water and always eat too much chocolate. (We have an M&M dispenser in my office that makes everyone on campus happy. When I came here I was told that my utmost duty is to make sure that it remains stocked. It is sorely overused, and sometimes the button you push to make the M&Ms come out doesn’t work and you have to shake it a little. Yesterday the button didn’t work. I was trying to be quiet… everyone else was being quiet. I gave it a little shake. Pushed the button. Nothing. A little bit bigger shake. Nothing. Finally, growing tired of making quiet rattles that were surely driving everyone crazy when they all knew by now that I wanted some M&Ms, I picked up the machine and started shaking it like crazy. The only thing is I didn’t put my hand over the lid. It flew off on the third shake and about 50 M&Ms went flying across the office, which drew a gasp and an “Oh no!” from me, and a sudden appearance from my boss, who declared she rather liked the color on the dull carpet anyway.) Definitely working on the water drinking thing. Still have no self-control when it comes to chocolate.

36. I went to the Alamo when I was little with my parents, but the only thing I remember is being scared of lizards when my dad made me pose on top of a big boulder and wanting to go back and swim at the hotel pool. Oh, the attention span of babes.

37. When I was 14 I started dying my hair and kind of got into a habit. Blond, auburn, bold white and fire-engine red chunks, and finally in the summer of 2006, jet black. After that I decided to go au natural for awhile and also I made a bet with a friend that resulted in me agreeing not to cut my hair until May 2008. I now have the longest, naturally beautiful brown hair ever. Still haven't cut it... just trims now and then.

38. I get giddy when I have a fresh journal/legal pad/notebook/post-it pad.

39. I love wearing skirts but hate shaving my legs. I think I have shaved my legs two times since I’ve moved to Asheville, and once was when I was back in Florida for the holidays and wanted to wear shorts. The other was for Valentine’s day. ;)

40. I’m not really into stuffed animals and teddy bears, but when someone I love buys one for me, it becomes my most precious possession. Hence the bear my dad bought me from EPCOT, the frog that says “kiss me, I’m your prince charming” from Josh and the huge Nemo that my dad got me for Christmas one year always adorning my bed and serving as snuggling companions.

41. I am absolutely thrilled by all the blossoms on the trees here as spring is arriving. It makes me giddy like a child because I've never seen anything like it. It is one of those things that makes my soul glow. New life. Beauty. Promise.

42. I haven't been to the dentist since before I went to college. Oops. I went. Twice. So there.

43. If I had a lot of money, I would buy everything organic that I possibly could.

44. The reason I wear glasses more than contacts is because I'm lazy. Period.

45. I kept a lot of my college textbooks because I think I might actually go back and read them one day. I'm not sure if that's delirium or just unrealistic expectations.

46. Joshua treats me like a princess and I love it.

47. I can't finish a whole beer, I get tipsy after two glasses of wine and I don't like the taste of hard liquor. I guess this is a good thing since I have an addictive personality and I'd probably end up being an alcoholic if I ever acquired a taste for it.

48. I love stories and could live my whole life for them. Reading stories in books, watching stories on TV or movies, hearing stories from people and writing stories... it makes me really, really happy.

49. I want to talk to the servers at Mexican restaurants in Spanish but I'm always too timid.

50. I am beginning to think that I mumble horribly and I need some practice in diction. Like Evangeline on Nanny McPhee. (Yes, I love children's movies. That's a bonus one for you tonight.)

51. I love event food. Popcorn and a soda at the movies, chicken strips and french fries at sporting events (don't do hotdogs, sorry fellow Americans)... if it has food that goes with it, I want some.

52. I am totally tempted to become a complete hippie (no car, TV, computer, cell phone; organic and locally grown food; sustainable living; etc.) but down deep I fear that I don't have what it takes.

53. I play the piano and have secret ambitions to make one of those naturescapes albums that has nature sounds in the background while I play my soothing melodies. I could totally do it.

54. I would love to ~~honeymoon~~ vacation in Tahiti, Canada, or Colorado.

55. I want to have an insane amount of kids. Like not using birth control amounts of kids.

56. I truly desire communal living with the people I love. I haven't quite been able to put words on this concept yet, but I know it's in my heart.

57. I have never been able to make a successful batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies.

58. I can count on one hand how many movies that have made me cry in my lifetime. Music makes me cry MUCH more often.

59. In the words of Trainer Bob, I like relentless.

60. I can't stand political commercials. Thank God for the mute button.

Okay, here are ten new ones for you today:

61. Remember #39 about not liking to shave my legs? And #52 about becoming a hippie? Well, I think the hippie thing is just some sort of conversion that happens gradually and naturally as you are assimilated into Ashevillian society. Unshaven legs? Check. (Although Valentine's day is coming up again and so I'll probably shave then... just because my legs really do look like man legs right now.) Nose ring? Check. Contemplating dreads? Check. Aversion to deodorant? Check. (Okay, I really hate body odor but not as much as I hate cancer. Applying metal and BHT to my lymph nodes everyday just seems like a bad idea, don't you think? We use Tom's... which kind of works. If I start using patchouli instead, then you'll know I have officially become a hippie.)

62. I miss the beach.

63. I love Disney World. The Worthys are leaving today to go on a one-week Disney vacation that they've been saving up for for YEARS... and I am so jealous. Joshua and I never got to go to Disney on our honeymoon because a tropical storm descended upon Orlando the day after we arrived, so we still have our tickets. We're hoping to make an anniversary trip sometime this year. I just think Disney is truly magical.

64. You know those endcaps in the grocery store (or any store) that have sale items on them? Complete sucker.

65. I love having my nose pierced and really want to get more body piercings. I'm a fan of the Monroe piercing but we'll probably just start with piercing up my ear.

66. It's possible I might be having a quarter-life "what's next?" crisis... which I would like to get figured out before we start popping out babies.

67. Every time I go into a store that sells DVDs I go and look for You've Got Mail but I think it's out of circulation. Which makes me sad because I love that movie and want to own it.

68. The silence of snowfall mesmerizes me more than any other natural wonder.

69. I've started making my first quilt and I am surprisingly good at it.

70. I want an iMac so bad.

Blog of the day

2010-02-04T12:53:00.004-05:00

Somebody is probably going to think less of me for saying this, but I am so tired of seeing Obama's name in the headlines every single time I open up Google News. Seriously, if the man is flossing his teeth, someone writes an article about it. I'm starting to think that he just loves being in the media. Does the media still really love the man? The word that comes to my mind is ad nauseum. (End of complaining.)

Last night I tried to be all Julie and Julia-esqe and whip up something fabulous for my husband. I wanted to make tacos for dinner, and I thought that my grandmother's Spanish rice sounded like a perfect accompaniment. Looking at the recipe, it seems quite simple: mince some onion, saute in olive oil, add a cup of rice and two cans of Del Monte tomato sauce plus a little water, cover and simmer for 20 minutes, then uncover and stir until most of the liquid has boiled out. But since when have the words "rice" and "simple" ever gone together in a sentence for me? The Worthys bought us a rice maker for our wedding gift which has been amazing. Amazing because all I have to do is measure out the rice, fill the pot with water to the appropriate line, and push a button-- viola! beautiful, perfect rice.

Let's make a long story short by saying that I gave this Spanish rice two hours of my life last night before tossing it into the rice maker in a fit of frustration and then ending up with something very mushy.

Meanwhile, I thought I'd try my hand at making Japanese curry. I was first introduced to this delicacy in college by my roommate Julia, who could whip a batch up blindfolded. Japanese curry is, simply put, wonderful. Aaron Brand had sent me some curry mix from Japan and I had a few blocks of it left in the package, plus the ingredients laying around the kitchen, so I was very excited.

I have rice simmering on one burner and the makings of curry boiling on another, and life is grand. Until the rice won't soften and I add the curry to the pot of meat and veggies and it refuses to thicken. Crunchy rice and watery curry... which, as you already know, turned into mushy rice and watery curry.

I went to bed ridiculously upset with a puzzled husband. I told him, "If crunchy rice makes me this upset, there has to be something else wrong with me."

He very sweetly quoted to me a paraphrased line from Julie and Julia. "It's supposed to be," he said,"a comfort that you can absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick." I nodded against his chest in a complete state of self-pity and proceeded to tell him how I feel like nothing that's supposed to be working in life right now is working at all. At which point he reminded me that I am not my own project and that I am God's workmanship and God will be the one to iron out the kinks in me if I will just be still and trust Him.

I'm still disappointed about the curry, though.

I'm fighting my insecurities

2010-02-03T20:32:00.003-05:00

... and I'm blogging about television.

Television. When Joshua and I were dating, we frequently recounted the horrors of over-televised children, swearing as parents we would never do that (yeah, all you parents go ahead and laugh) and even contemplated not having a television at all. (I never truly acquiesced to that idea... I insisted that we must have a TV somewhere on the premises with which to watch movies.) But as of late I have succumbed to my affection for all things related to plot, and have built up quite a TV-watching habit. Although thanks to the Worthy family, it is all recorded on DVR and I watch it at my leisure.

Favorite programs this year:

The Good Wife. I started watching this show because it had Julianna Margulies starring in it. I have loved her since her days on ER (pre-eyebrow waxing, even) and now that she's a 40-something I think she's even more compelling as an actress. The storyline can get a bit raunchy since it centers around the fact that Alicia Florrick's (Margulies) husband was a political figure who had an ongoing affair with a call girl and was convicted (falsely or not? we don't yet know what to make of it) of paying for her services with government (i.e. taxpayers') funds. There is actually more to his conviction than that... but it's mainly in legalese because this is a show about lawyers, and therefore I don't understand it. What's hooked me on the show is that Margulies is a mature enough actress to express the nuances of strength, betrayal, and pain that her character must be going through. That and it's a good courtroom drama. Nothing like a fiery cross-examination.

Bones. I actually just started watching Bones last season, which was when the inklings of romance between Booth and Brennan started heating up. I have no desire to go back and watch the previous seasons, because although I like the crime-solving aspect of the show and it's nerdy twist, really what keeps me going is that question: When are they going to get together already? It's fun to watch the sparks fly. And the psychologist character Dr. Sweets makes me laugh.

Biggest Loser. This season has been less entertaining than last season, mainly I think because the contestants are for the most part incredibly obese-- obese to the point that even if they lost 150 pounds while they were on the show, they would still have weight to lose. That's crazy. And it makes the transformation less dramatic when someone loses 20 pounds... and they still weigh 375. But I am a die-hard fan and will stick it out to the end. Maybe I am just expecting everyone to live up to Danny, the winner from last season, who had an amazing emotional breakthrough mid-season and then just killed it every week until the finale.

LOST. The final season! If you haven't watched the premiere episode, stop reading. This is your official *spoiler alert* although I'm not sure I'm going to spoil much. I just remember Jules wanting me to say that at one point when I was previously blogging about LOST. So they only have 14 episodes or so to answer a LOT of questions... but glory be! we finally found out what the heck the smoke monster is after years of waiting and wondering. I admit I was a little disappointed because it was so sci-fi-ish of an explanation... turning out to be the incarnation of __________ (insert creepy guy who wanted to kill Jacob since the 1800s and dressed all in black but I never know what to call him because DOES HE HAVE A NAME???). But mainly I am satisfied, simply because I have been waiting for answers for so long I am just relieved to finally be able to know something. Also... anybody else think that Jacob was reincarnated in Sayid's body at the end of the episode?

I just want to know... when did this show become all about Jacob and this other guy? This has been the progression of the expansion of the world of the survivors from Oceanic 815: We crashed on an island. Crap, there's no one here. Crap, there's a scary monster that kills people. Crap, there are people that whisper in the woods. What the heck? There are all these weird Dharma Initiative stations and videos. Crap, there's an insane French woman on this island. Holy crap, there are other survivors. Crap, there's a whole group of people on the island that are hostile. Let's call them "the Others." Crap, there's a scary cabin where supposedly this invisible guy named Jacob lives. Crap, there's this guy named Widmore who wants to kill the leader of the Others-- who is really bad, who is good? Finally... who the heck is this guy with Jacob who wants to kill him? And succeeds through Ben... and then... finally, finally... Crap, there is a strange Japanese dude with a whole group of people at a sacred temple who are scared of Jacob's nemesis... WHOEVER THE HECK HE IS. Will the writers be able to bring this full circle? We'll see.

Winter Storm Warning

2010-01-29T12:51:00.000-05:00

I have hijacked Bryan's computer this morning because Joshua and I no longer have a computer of our own. My laptop (that my parents only bought me in what, 2005?) went kaput... same old "needs a new motherboard, that's not worth it on this machine" excuse. Whatever. I have my eyes set on a shiny new iMac but the funds for that are nowhere to be found. So from now on my computing will be done randomly on one of the Worthys' computers or at the library.

It's actually been kind of nice to have a room that is unplugged. We've got a TV in there now for watching DVDs when we're in the mood, but other than that, there's no outlet for the outside world to seep in by. No internet, to television, no phones if we don't want there to be.

So there is this GIANT snow and ice storm rapidly approaching Asheville as I type. In fact, I think it's two hours and counting now. The estimated snowfall accumulation is rising with every hour and it is cold, cold, cold. I was supposed to be taking off for Virginia on Sunday to visit my beloved friend K-Smeltz, but I don't think I'm going to be going anywhere. Which is disappointing since I have been looking forward to seeing her, but not too disappointing because I am currently the Queen of Free Time, la Reina del Tiempo Libre (whichever language you prefer; I kind of like the Spanish, personally), and will be able to reschedule. My job at Biltmore Estate has come to an abrupt halt until the beginning of April. At which point I will (hopefully) have successfully obtained my CDL and have another seven shows of Godspell under my belt (this time as Mic Wrangler and understudy for three of the female parts).

Joshua just got home from school and I think we might want to make a run to somewhere, for something, before we get snowed in. Yeah, I know that was vague, but really it's just a desire to waylay cabin fever rather than a need to get anything or go anywhere in particular.

Later then, homies.

Another 101 in 1001 update!

2010-01-29T12:38:00.002-05:00

Another 101 in 1001 update... I think I have actually accomplished several more of these things (or at least started on them) in the past few months...

101 in 1001

The idea is 101 goals to meet/things to do in 1001 days...
1001 days will take me from today, January 10, 2009 to October 9, 2011
(from 23 and single to 26 and married for two years!)

The Key:
Not started
In progress
~~Accomplished~~
New (replaced) goal
Fun commentary by Megan!

~~Get married~~
Get my third tattoo after I turn 25
Read the Bible all the way through ~ started over this January
~~Grow a vegetable garden~~
~~Send out Christmas cards in 2009 or 2010~~ ~ only a few... but it still counts. :)
Learn to live in the secret place
Make a habit of reading before bed
~~Buy seasons 2 through 5 of~~ ER ~ Josh bought me these for Christmas!
Buy some sheet music and practice my reading skills to the point where I feel semi-comfortable sight reading ~ currently working on some ragtime fabulousness
Spend one month eating locally
Visit Washington D.C.
Make this fancy lemon-cranberry cake that is kind of out of my baking realm
One candlelit and music-filled evening with Joshua
Take dance lessons
Take a Tai-chi class
~~Get a professional massage~~
Stay at the Grove Park Inn during winter and lounge in front of their cavernous fireplace
Visit my cousins
Take a trip with Josh to the Outer Banks
Walk across the Mile High Bridge at Grandfather Mountain
Spend time listening to my grandparents’ stories and write some of them down
Be 100% okay with disappointing people
Dig for the answers to my spiritual questions, and discover why I’m asking them
Participate in a 3-day walk
Plan a progressive dinner party
~~Initiate a conversation with a stranger when I don’t feel like it~~ ~ my job gave me plenty of opportunities for this
Wear a size four and stay that way
Make a habit of thinking differently
Quit soda for a year (again)… ~ oh, I miss you, Coca-Cola
~~Get contacts~~
~~Give away the clothes in my closet that I haven’t worn in over a year~~
Build a bonafide snowman ~ well, supposedly a huge snowstorm is about to arrive, so I'll have my opportunity!
~~See what’s at the end of the yellow rope in the caves of Rumbling Bald~~
Have an emergency fund built up completely
Pay off debt
Learn to make biscuits from scratch from Grammy
Learn to sew
Make a quilt ~ I'm so proud of it so far!
~~Create a filing system that is actually useful~~
~~Own the game Settlers of Catan~~
Make a homemade pie
~~Visit the Biltmore Estate when it’s decorated for Christmas, preferably with snow on the ground outside~~
Carry on a Christmas tradition with Joshua
Hike up Cold Mountain
Run in a race of some sort
Ride my bicycle at Bent Creek
~~Hike to Graveyard Falls~~
~~Pick blueberries at Black Balsam~~
~~Tutor someone in ESOL~~
Memorize the book of 1 John
Visit the Library of Congress
Start taking people's portraits
Spend at least three weeks in Nicaragua
Become fluent in Spanish ~ thanks to Amanda, this might be a possibility
Introduce my sister-in-love to a particular someone who shall not be mentioned here
~~Complete the wedding day chela photo sequence~~
Buy a book about waterfall hikes in WNC
Read a book of poetry
Make spanakopita ten times (2/10)
Spend another luxurious day at Shoji Spa
Read all of my National Geographic magazines from 2008 (0/28)
Live in our own place
Spend a day reading by a waterfall
Run 10 miles on the Mountains to the Sea trail
Make the most comfortable bed possible for Joshua and I (down feather pillows, down feather mattress pad, high thread count sheets, duvet)
Get my CDL ~ should be accomplished by March 3, 2010!
Have a dog
Have a cat
Travel somewhere by train
Have $3,000 saved toward a trip to Europe
Become a Legacy tour guide at Biltmore Estate
Take a road trip out West
Hike to the top of Mount Mitchell
Use teeth-whitening strips
Exfoliate regularly
Do tech work for 20 Godspell shows (10/20)
Change my diet to the point where at least 50% of what I put in my mouth is raw
Start a collection of board games that could rival Heather Heather’s
Become proficient on guitar
Grow out my hair until these 1001 days are up (excluding trims of up to two inches)
Buy a bookshelf
Slide down Sliding Rock ten times (0/10)
Write, shoot, and edit a documentary on Doris Howard
Hike up to the top of Looking Glass Rock
Hike to the top of the Mount Pisgah Summit when the autumn foliage is at its height
Go camping
Take a trip with Matt and Breanna
Email Deborah regularly
Try to find Skinny Dip Falls
Visit all 14 state parks in Western North Carolina (0/14)
Take a trip with Joshua to Highlands/Cashiers, NC and hike as much as possible
Read 50 books (1/50) ~ 1. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 2. Very Valentine by Adriana Trigiani
Learn to make banana bread
Go stargazing with Joshua ten times (2/10)
Go to India with Joshua
Wear a different necklace every day for two weeks (0/14)
Discipline myself to work as unto the Lord, not unto men.
Make a work of art and send it to K-Smeltz
Go on a plant-gathering expedition for tincture making.
Take my sister-in-love on a trip
~~Enjoy every moment of my wedding day~~

So it's been awhile

2009-12-05T09:42:00.004-05:00

"It's been awhile..."

Those are the opening lyrics to some 90s alternative song, anybody know which one it is? I can't remember.

It's (relatively) early (for me) on a Saturday morning and it's snowing outside, the first snow of the winter for us. Josh is sleeping and I'm updating (while considering how much I really want to go upstairs and make myself some breakfast). This is a really fun time of year, isn't it? I love the holiday season. Joshua and I are both big on fireplaces and one day when we have our own place we'll make sure we have one. And you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be using that thing every day during the winter. What's more cozy than the crackling warmth from the fireplace soaking into your skin while you sit bundled up in a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate or mulled apple cider? Not much. Add a little music to suit the mood and you're there.

Lately in our lives: Josh has been going to school for 13-hour days while he's in a six-week intensive course to get his CNA license. Clinicals have just begun for him (may I say he looks very good in scrubs) and he has decided that working with the elderly is not for him. Too slow of a pace, he says. That and yesterday he got some explosive diarrhea all over his shoes and I think that had an influence. Josh is very caring, so I thought he would be good working with the elderly. Which he is... he was singing Christmas carols to one old dear as he fed her her lunch this week. What kind of CNA does that? But he said that he is also task-oriented and so the slow pace of having to wait on the elderly is not a good match. Maybe emergency room medicine, then? I don't know... we'll just have to wait and see.

I'm working at Biltmore Estate, driving other people's cars around all day. Valet parking, baby. Um, who ever imagined that I would be doing that for a living? Not me. But I love the people that I work with and the place that I work for. That makes all the difference apparently. Plus, I feel like I've gone on a bazillion test drives already. When Josh and I are ready to buy a vehicle, I'm going to know exactly what I want. Seat warmers. iPod hookup. Camera for backing up. Compass and temperature display in between the speedometer and tachometer. Automatic seat and mirror adjustments. A BMW 328i. Okay, how about a Lexus. I'll settle for a Lexus.

I've also been re-inspired lately to pursue some latent loves of mine... music, for instance. I watched a DVD of a live MuteMath concert and of course it made me want to be in a band. These guys are freakishly talented and it made me want to put some effort into playing again. It's worth it, you know? Plus, I've never seen the lead singer of a rock band (although MuteMath couldn't be labeled as a traditional rock band) play the keys, and that was inspiring in itself. I'm also going to try my hand at filmmaking... with Bryan's help, of course. I've got a documentary up my sleeve and we'll see how that goes.

2010 is going to be the Year of Health for the Geigers... physical health, emotional health, relational health, financial health... Michelle and I are starting our own Biggest Loser competition with another friend of ours... impetus would be a trip to Italy! Woot! Godspell is returning for several runs of shows in the spring and summer for which I will either be mic wrangler or swing understudy or both (we'll find out today). I really want to do the 3-day breast cancer walk in 2010 but I'm still feeling a little insecure about my ability to raise the funds. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to get over that and just go for it.

Spiritually I'm really taking a turn into finding out why I believe what I believe. I'm surrounded by a great group of people to go on that journey with-- people to both help me question and help me find answers. I'm anticipating several heated living room discussions and an anchoring of my soul that I've been looking for. But let me never forget my child-like faith.

Okay, my stomach is starting to mutiny. Better go in search of food. Hopefully I'll be back sooner than later. Ciao, bella!

Update on 101 in 1001

2009-10-29T09:02:00.003-04:00

So Kak reminded me about this 101 in 1001 list that I made almost a year ago, and it's the first time that I've gone back and looked at it since I authored it. I had a number of "secret goals" that I didn't post on my blog, but I had written them on a Word document that I saved onto my computer that was my master list. However, due to an unexpected hard drive crash, that file (along with all my others) went into the black hole of oblivion, something that I now consider often when relying on my computer to store important data. So I have changed those goals to new ones, since I can't remember what they were. So let's see how far I've come in my first 292 days. 709 days to go!

101 in 1001

The idea is 101 goals to meet/things to do in 1001 days...
1001 days will take me from today, January 10, 2009 to October 9, 2011
(from 23 and single to 26 and married for two years!)

The Key:
Not started
In progress
~~Accomplished~~
New (replaced) goal
Fun commentary by Megan!

~~Get married~~
Get my third tattoo after I turn 25 ~ less than a year to go on this one... and I haven't even been thinking of ideas
Read the Bible all the way through ~ something I started and then it tapered off... good reminder
~~Grow a vegetable garden~~
Send out Christmas cards in 2009 or 2010 ~ 2009 was a bust, guess I better get on this!
Learn to live in the secret place
Make a habit of reading before bed
Buy seasons 2 through 5 of ER
Buy some sheet music and practice my reading skills to the point where I feel semi-comfortable sight reading ~ how about "obtain" some sheet music? I found some good free stuff online!
Spend one month eating locally
Visit Washington D.C.
Make this fancy lemon-cranberry cake that is kind of out of my baking realm
One candlelit and music-filled evening with Joshua
Take dance lessons
Take a Tai-chi class
~~Get a professional massage~~ Went to this wonderful Japanese spa called Shoji the day after we got married... incredible! I told Josh that for Christmas we should just go there again and that should be our present to one another.
Stay at the Grove Park Inn during winter and lounge in front of their cavernous fireplace
Visit my cousins
Take a trip with Josh to the Outer Banks
Walk across the Mile High Bridge at Grandfather Mountain
Spend time listening to my grandparents’ stories and write some of them down
Be 100% okay with disappointing people
Dig for the answers to my spiritual questions, and discover why I’m asking them
Participate in a 3-day walk
Plan a progressive dinner party
Initiate a conversation with a stranger when I don’t feel like it
Wear a size four and stay that way
Make a habit of thinking differently
Quit soda for a year (again)… ~ Coming up in 2010...
~~Get contacts~~
~~Give away the clothes in my closet that I haven’t worn in over a year~~ Except for some sentimental pieces...
Build a bonafide snowman
~~See what’s at the end of the yellow rope in the caves of Rumbling Bald~~ Only more mystery!
Have an emergency fund built up completely
Pay off debt
Learn to make biscuits from scratch from Grammy
Learn to sew
Make a quilt
~~Create a filing system that is actually useful~~
~~Own the game Settlers of Catan~~ thank you, Joshua
Make a homemade pie
~~Visit the Biltmore Estate when it’s decorated for Christmas, preferably with snow on the ground outside~~ ~ no snow when I visited for Candlelight, sadly
Carry on a Christmas tradition with Joshua
Hike up Cold Mountain
Run in a race of some sort
Ride my bicycle at Bent Creek
~~Hike to Graveyard Falls~~
~~Pick blueberries at Black Balsam~~
~~Tutor someone in ESOL~~ ~ her name is Amanda and I love her!
Memorize the book of 1 John
Visit the Library of Congress
Start taking people's portraits
Spend at least three weeks in Nicaragua
Become fluent in Spanish ~ thanks to Amanda, this might be a possibility
Introduce my sister-in-love to a particular someone who shall not be mentioned here
~~Complete the wedding day chela photo sequence~~
Buy a book about waterfall hikes in WNC
Read a book of poetry
Make spanakopita ten times (2/10)
Spend another luxurious day at Shoji Spa
Read all of my National Geographic magazines from 2008 (0/28)
Live in our own place
Spend a day reading by a waterfall
Run 10 miles on the Mountains to the Sea trail
Make the most comfortable bed possible for Joshua and I (down feather pillows, down feather mattress pad, high thread count sheets, duvet)
Get my CDL
Have a dog
Have a cat
Travel somewhere by train
Have $3,000 saved toward a trip to Europe
Become a Legacy tour guide at Biltmore Estate
Take a road trip out West
Hike to the top of Mount Mitchell
Use teeth-whitening strips
Exfoliate regularly
Do tech work for 20 Godspell shows (10/20)
Change my diet to the point where at least 50% of what I put in my mouth is raw
Start a collection of board games that could rival Heather Heather’s
Become proficient on guitar
Grow out my hair until these 1001 days are up (excluding trims of up to two inches)
Buy a bookshelf
Slide down Sliding Rock ten times (0/10)
Write, shoot, and edit a documentary on Doris Howard
Hike up to the top of Looking Glass Rock
Hike to the top of the Mount Pisgah Summit when the autumn foliage is at its height
Go camping
Take a trip with Matt and Breanna
Email Deborah regularly
Try to find Skinny Dip Falls
Visit all 14 state parks in Western North Carolina (0/14)
Take a trip with Joshua to Highlands/Cashiers, NC and hike as much as possible
Read 50 books (0/50) ~ Since I haven't been keeping up with this list, I haven't recorded how many books I read in 2009. Oh well.
Learn to make banana bread
Go stargazing with Joshua ten times (2/10)
Go to India with Joshua
Wear a different necklace every day for two weeks (0/14)
Discipline myself to work as unto the Lord, not unto men.
Make a work of art and send it to K-Smeltz
Go on a plant-gathering expedition for tincture making.
Take my sister-in-love on a trip
~~Enjoy every moment of my wedding day~~ I think the only unenjoyable part was after four hours of taking photos (before the wedding) when my feet hurt and I was hot and just wanted to sit down and cool off and marry this man already!

So I think I unintentionally accomplished more than I thought I would! In order to complete my list I'll have to actually start thinking about it, though...

Autumnal

2009-10-17T19:00:00.002-04:00

Autumn has arrived, complete with gusty cold winds that send golden leaves swirling through the air and bright blue skies that simply cannot be rivaled. It just makes me happy.

Happy because my cheeks get rosy from stepping outside. Happy because it's wonderful weather for drinking my favorite french vanilla hot chocolate and mulling cider that I bought locally and spiced perfectly. Happy because I wore a scarf for the first time last week, one that was knitted for me by a loved one. Happy because we've piled our bed with blankets and are cold enough to snuggle together for warmth when we crawl underneath the covers at night. Happy because it's finally fireplace weather!

The foliage isn't at its peak yet, but it's a beautiful process. I am so grateful that I live here, and that nature declares the glory of God in such a breathtaking way, right outside my bedroom window.

Right now Joshua is learning to make herbal tinctures from our friend Vicki, and I'm sitting at her laptop, feeling cozy and content and hopeful. There's a teakettle boiling on the stove, and we just cleaned up dinner dishes, and there's a playful cat digging through a recyclable shopping bag at my feet. It's just one of those perfect atmospheres, you know?

I know. And I'm joyful. :)

A Willy Wonka Parody

2009-08-31T12:02:00.002-04:00

This made me laugh out loud this morning.

6:00 a.m. on a Sunday

2009-08-30T18:04:00.006-04:00

Alarm goes off. The sun isn't up over the mountains yet, and Josh and I are bundled up in our basement bedroom, snuggled under blankets that ward off the early morning chill that seeps through our open windows.

Snooze.

6:10 a.m. Alarm goes off again. Josh hauls himself out of bed for a shower. I pretend I didn't hear anything.

Snooze.

6:20 a.m. Since we have to leave in 15 minutes, I decide I should probably get up. Get dressed, brush teeth, pull up hair. Upstairs to root around in the cupboard for a granola bar. Juice. Mumbled hello to Bryan as he appears in the living room to put on his socks and shoes. "See you there."

Out the door we go, my handsome husband and I, and into the car to drive downtown. It's that mysterious few moments at dawn when darkness is receding but light hasn't fully arrived to fill its place yet. We're not talkative on the way there.

This morning at Highland we're putting on a mini-production that is 40 minutes long and chronicles the story of Esther with a humorous bent. Bryan is part of the cast and so today is my day to be pushed out of the nest and see if I can fly.

7:00 a.m. Cast arrives at the Prayer Gallery on Lexington to get their wireless mics taped on. All me today. Bryan gets the mics out of their cases and replaces the batteries as I get to work. Ace bandages, safety pins, duct tape... it's a familiar routine from Godspell. It is strange to see Luke and Bryan, who usually are working beside me, waiting patiently to get their mics on. All seven done in 55 minutes. That's good for me.

8:00 a.m. Drive to the Orange Peel for load in. Bryan is off in one direction, making sure the wireless mic receivers are properly set up at the monitor booth before the cast's sound check starts. I have helped with our normal media set-up for about a month now but it's still strange to be in our corner of the sound booth by myself, running cables and setting up tripods and video cameras without Bryan's watchful eye. Especially since last week I broke one of the snaps on a tripod leg. I do what I can before we start the sound check. Today I am running the music for the production, filming the services, and running the multimedia screens for the services. The most I've done before is one thing at a time... usually the screens since that is the most simple. Trial by fire?

9:00 a.m. First service begins. We never record the first service in its entirety, so at least I can settle in slowly until Esther starts about half way through. Nate starts the worship set off with a song that I don't know. It's not in MediaShout, at least that I can see. Blank screens with bubbling geometric shapes in amber are all the congregation has to look up at instead of lyrics. I panic, try to find the song in the library. None of the lyrics I type in are producing anything. Still blank screens; Nate is crooning away, blissfully unaware or uncaring that there are no words for anyone to look at. Finally, two-thirds of the way through the song I find it at the bottom of the MediaShout file. Sweet relief. Although the baby bird seemed to fall out of the nest and plummet head-first toward the ground, she found her wings and learned she could fly.

Filming the production and running the music cues at the same time wasn't as hard as I thought. By the second service I felt like a pro. When Nate added another song that wasn't in the set list, I was cool as a cucumber and fixed it in one verse's time. It felt really good to succeed at this, and know that Bryan actually has someone to fill in for him now, that I can do all of it at once and do it well.

I came home and took a long nap.

This afternoon I read the entry for August 30 in My Utmost for His Highest. It's entitled "Usefulness or Relationship?" and really struck home with me. It's been a year since Joshua and my "non-move" to Florida that rather re-defined life for us. In many ways I felt like I was moving backward and forward in life at the same time-- I moved in with a family instead of living on my own independently, yet I was engaged to be married. I didn't have a "real" job, yet I was growing very much in how to be emotionally healthy. The year was a constant tug-of-war in my mind as to "this is right and good" and "I feel un-useful and people think I'm irresponsible." I discovered that I placed a lot of my self-worth in what I do rather than in whose I am. I discovered that what other people thought of my life and my choices affected me much deeper than I had hoped. I discovered that I was much more interested in what I was doing for God than in knowing Him personally.

This page-long snippet from My Utmost for His Highest really hit the nail on the head. It goes like this:

"Do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven." (Luke 10:20)

Jesus Christ is saying here, "Don't rejoice in your successful service for Me, but rejoice because of your right relationship with Me." The trap you may fall into in Christian work is to rejoice in successful service-- rejoicing in the fact that God has used you. Yet you will never be able to measure fully what God will do through you if you have a right-standing relationship with Jesus Christ. If you keep your relationship right with Him, then regardless of your circumstances or whoever you encounter each day, He will continue to pour "rivers of living water" through you (John 7:38). And it is actually by His mercy that He does not let you know it. Once you have the right relationship with God through salvation and sanctification, remember that whatever your circumstances may be, you have been placed in them by God. And God uses the reaction of your life to your circumstances to fulfuill His purpose, as long as your continue to "walk in the light as He is in the light" (1 John 1:7).

Our tendency today is to put the emphasis on service. Beware of the people who make their request for help on the basis of someone's usefulness. If you make usefulness the test, then Jesus Christ was the greatest failure who ever lived. For the saint, direction and guidance come from God Himself, not some measure of that saint's usefulness. It is the work that God does through us that counts, not what we do for Him. All that our Lord gives His attention to in a person's life is that person's relationship with God-- something of great value to His Father. Jesus is "bringing many sons to glory..." (Hebrews 2:10).

So, yeah.

I am thinking of going back to graduate school in the spring for an M.A. in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). It actually just fell into place one night this week when Joshua and I were talking about our dream vacation, backpacking in Europe. While we were on a Greek tourism website, Josh clicked on a link for "Teach English Abroad" and then we started talking about how I always wanted to do that and yada, yada, yada. Josh and I have been considering lately what we could bring to the mission field if we go international. We've always wanted to do missions but never thought through it enough to actually consider what we would do when we got to another country. Neither one of us are great evangelists or the pastor sort. When Josh decided to go back to school and pursue a degree in nursing, a major factor was that it is something that he can do anywhere in the world, and something that the world needs. It appeals to us to minister to a people group not only spiritually but also through health care, education, and social justice. I was a little jealous when Josh found his "thing" and was kind of moping actually, saying, "Well, what am I going to do?"

TESOL hit a sweet spot with us. Maybe because I once pursued it before I fell in love with this guy and moved to North Carolina so we could get married. But it seems like a good fit for me, and that Josh and I would make a good team as nurse and teacher. I'm excited to jump on some volunteer opportunities with ESOL in the Asheville community, and to talk with the program director at Western Carolina University (that's where I'd be going) about the possibilities.

Good things happening here!

I'm off to the gym in a few minutes to meet Michelle and Josh needs to use the computer for his homework. Till next time, yo.

A new year

2009-08-19T18:24:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was my 24th birthday. I love new beginnings... Mondays, the first of the month, New Year's. Birthdays might be my favorite new beginning, simply because they are inherently personal.

Joshua and I just got back from a long weekend in Florida visiting my parents. We spent time with them and some good friends, playing hard and seriously relaxing. It was a really good trip for me because it afforded some well-needed perspective and was a realignment for the next year of my life. My personality type is constantly reevaluating goals for self-improvement and so this was right up my alley.

Right now I'm in the office... rain is falling softly outside. All the windows are open and it's a soothing sound. Peaceful, quieting. I woke up strangely optimistic and joyful today... probably the after-effects of feeling centered, more confident and at peace with myself.

Yesterday I started a 365days project on Flickr which I hope to do to chronicle my 24th year in images. If you are interested you can follow the progression here.

Joshua and I have also started a joint blog called Keeping Up with the Geigers. Our audience is our family members who are spread out all over the country, so that they can see what we're up to since we are notoriously bad at phone calls. Anyone is welcome to read, though. It will be more informative than the deep ponderings of Megan's heart, which some might prefer, haha. Check it out.

What have you all been up to? I've been pretty absent from the blogosphere for the past six months or so, I have some catching up to do. I'll be doing the rounds and visit your blogs soon, promise.

Quick update from the life of Megan

2009-08-02T22:44:00.003-04:00

Things going on, which may or may not be new, but are ever-relevant...

Broke-- yes, with a capital "b" thank you very much.
Miraculously enough money in the bank account to pay for Joshua's tuition and books.
Because he is going back to school this semester!
We're both really excited.
Nursing it is, if he can get accepted into the program.
Won't find that out until next semester.
Looking for a job... possibly one of the most discouraging activities ever.
Grape picking in the Biltmore vineyards?
School bus driving?
How about a singing messenger job?
I probably have a bumblebee costume lying around somewhere...
My birthday is quickly approaching.
So is autumn.
I find myself in some serious need of re-assessment.
And a massive to-do list.

Losing everything

2009-07-15T11:26:00.003-04:00

I have come to discover that when you face the prospect of losing everything (and I'm talking material possessions here), it is then that you discover what is really important to you.

My apartment caught on fire in 2007 and as I stood outside watching the roof blaze it was a bizarre feeling to know that I could be left with nothing. I left the scene that evening without even being able to drive my car, because my keys were upstairs in my bedroom. It was only then when I was on my way to a friend's house that the things that I sincerely felt loss over came crashing down on me. At the same time, I found it interesting to see what really mattered. My jewelry that had been given to me by Joshua, my Nana, and my parents. My journals that recorded all of my topsy-turvy emotions through my adolescence and various romances and was a witness to (certain parts of) my life even up until two days before the fire. My computer that had all of my photos and music on it. The thought of my keyboard being melted down into one smelly chunk of plastic was something I refused to dwell on, especially the notebook filled with songs I had written over the past seven years that was sitting on top of it. But that was it. It was interesting to take stock of my life and realize what I would really keep if I had to choose.

I was faced with a similar situation this week-- though not nearly so dramatic-- when Bryan told me the data from my hard drive is irrecoverable. He even stuck it in the freezer overnight to see if he could get it to run again, to no avail. I realized that the only things that mattered to me were the years of photos and years of music that were saved onto that hard drive. Mainly what mattered to me where the photos of the trip to England that I took with my family in 2006, because I hadn't posted any of those on Facebook or Flickr and the thought of losing them all was very sad. And I still have all of my CDs, so I can just re-import them into iTunes, but all of the purchased music... hundreds of dollars worth... uggghhh.

And here I must take a moment to thank my dear friend, Billy, who before I moved to Asheville two years ago insisted on backing up my iTunes and all my photo files. Today I discovered in my desk two DVDs full of pictures, including photos from our trip to England... all of them! Whoo hoo! And I'm sure that I have downloaded more music since November 2007, but the majority of the files should be on the DVDs he burned as a backup for my iTunes... and hopefully there is a way to rip the music off of my iPod and put it onto my laptop once Bryan installs a new hard drive.

It's weird how in these moments it becomes clear what is important. I think everyone should have a couple of these moments in their lifetime... it helps maintain perspective (no, everything is not necessary; yes, some things are irreplaceable).

Anyways, with the new hard drive I'll be getting my laptop will once again be super speedy and also I think I am getting Photoshop which tickles me pink. Yay for losing everything. :)

End of a day

2009-07-10T22:52:00.003-04:00

Right now I am baking Italian breaded pork chops for my husband to take to work for lunch tomorrow and I am TIRED, although I cannot figure out from what... I was up late last night and slept in this morning, then just the usual combination of chores, work, errands, and social activity that generally fill up my days. My eyelids are heavy.

Today was the first day I have been back on my laptop for about three weeks... my AC adapter went kaput, then I procrastinated on ordering a new one online and it just came in this week since I finally got around to it. Josh and I have been house-sitting (did I mention that in my last post?) and I have been taking advantage of using the Cenders' wonderful Mac... drooling occasionally, I'll admit. I'll also admit to daydreams that played out like montages of video and photo editing and documentary creating and a prayer to God that I would sincerely like a $1,500 Mac computer.

My laptop hard drive decided to stop spinning today. This is an answer to my prayers... perhaps God will see fit to drop a $1,500 computer in my lap... or perhaps it's a spanking? Who knows. Either way I realized how unattached I have become to my material possessions... perhaps because I have to keep downsizing and giving away, perhaps because my apartment caught on fire and I know what it's like to think you've lost everything. I simply felt a twinge of sadness that all my photos and downloaded MUSIC could be lost forever, though Facebook can help me with the photo situation. The music... Billy was kind enough to back up my iTunes in 2007 before I moved to Asheville, but I've downloaded quite a bit since then. I'm sure there's some sort of program where you can rip music off an iPod, though.

It has been fun to house-sit, but I will be glad to get back to our one-bedroom space in the Worthys' basement. I miss my window that overlooks our vegetable garden and the way our room smells... like us, and a hint of vanilla, and the outdoors because we've had our windows open all summer.

Joshua is going to try to go back to school this fall, if we can afford it. I'm looking for a job... right now my only true lead is grape picking in the Biltmore vineyards, which is something that I just thought would be fun to do. The harvest begins in September. I've been thinking about working a "regular" job again... what it would look like, how I will feel, what I want. I know what I want to do, and I'm actually pursuing it, but it's not something I'll be able to make money doing-- at least right now. So what should I do to make some money? It is a question I've been mulling over for days... maybe that is why I am so tired... it's just bouncing around in my head and I'm not really getting anywhere with it. Sidebar: those pork chops smell delicious. Mmmmm.

I have purposefully been avoiding any secretarial-type positions because I was so miserable before, but instead find myself wondering about what Joshua terms "piddly jobs" that I'm "selling myself short" on. Do dreamers who aren't entrepreneurs actually live out their desires? I have to say that I fall short of entrepreneurial... though I'm not sure that it's timidity as much as it is personality type.

I bet if you had all these trains of thought railroading around in your head, you'd be tuckered out, too.

love this

2009-07-09T19:46:00.000-04:00

ritorna me

2009-07-02T21:37:00.002-04:00

Almost two months later and here I am with a wedding, honeymoon, and another production of Godspell under my belt. It's hard to believe that Joshua and I have almost been married for two months... crazy! I have written one thank-you note so far. Bad Megan.

There is so much bouncing around in my brain that I hardly know where to begin or how to connect it all. A disjointed blog post is better than no blog post, no?

It's summertime in Asheville which is unceasingly beautiful. The garden is in full swing, hopefully ready for harvesting at the end of July. Fireflies are out every evening, summer storms boom through the mountain passes, and daylight fades at 9:00 p.m. Right now Joshua and I are house-sitting for some friends. I'm typing this on their Mac that I am trying not to covet while semi-watching The Mirror Has Two Faces-- an old Barbra Streisand movie that probably no one owns besides me. We went for a walk this evening after dinner and passed a man walking his dog... and his cat. The cat just follows along... the guy said the two are inseperable. An amusing highlight to the day. So far our house-sitting adventure has included the Great Hamster Escape and Recovery, a lynx with digestive trouble, and my first experience driving a hybrid car (I'm a fan).

I've decided to write a manifesto (according to Webster: a public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives) and once I'm through with the first draft I'll post it. I was telling Joshua at dinner that the point is not to create a set of expectations to live up to or not live up to (such as a New Year's resolution, 101 in 1001, etc.), but rather to create a set of ideals to shape your life and give it direction and intentionality. Since I love lists, I figure a manifesto is right up my alley.

A new gym just opened in Asheville called The Rush, open 24/7 and very, very nice. Joshua got us a membership last week and today was my orientation, which is a complimentary session with a personal trainer for every new member. I got my butt kicked with strength training... and I imagine tomorrow I am going to be able to feel it. But I am super excited about having a gym to work out at again, especially because The Rush has a pool (salt-water cleaned, a plus) and I've always wanted to swim since it's the best cardiovascular excercise for you.

My mind is still scattered, and I'm off to work on the manifesto. More later.

Wedding Week

2009-05-11T22:24:00.005-04:00

This is so surreal.

Last night I was lost in the details, typing up instructions for all the people who are helping out on Saturday, but then I got into bed and closed my eyes to go to sleep and it struck me: I can't believe that I am about to get married.

Seriously, I've only been wondering about the man I would marry since I was in middle school. And now, not only do I know him, but the moment is arriving where I will stand up in front of friends and family who love us both dearly and pledge my love, loyalty, and friendship to this man to the death.

I was overwhelmed by the fact that I can't even comprehend the magnitude of this promise, and I was overwhelmed by the desire to grow into it.

Most of all, though, I felt the urgency to be present.... this week, on my wedding day, on my honeymoon. I can so easily get caught up in the details-- the seemingly important but lastingly irrelevant stuff of life that takes up time and energy and focus.

Tonight I took the time away from the to-do list (which is longer than I would like it to be) and I sat down with Joshua and a bowl of ice cream and I just sat with him, enjoying him and giving him my full attention. That is how I want this week to be. There will be people that I dearly love traveling ten hours to witness and celebrate this joining together of me and Joshua, and I want to take the moments to see them.

Really, that is how I want life to be. But I'll fight for it this weekend. I won't rush, I won't let stress take me away mentally from those around me.

And on Saturday I will remember that what matters is that two lives are now becoming one, that I am leaving my parents and clinging to my husband, and that Jesus is weaving an incredible covenant between me, Joshua, and Himself.

Wow. Talk about surreal.

Wowza

2009-05-08T23:45:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I'm getting married in a week.

My last week as Megan Coss.

Weird.

Also, my computer screen has started this annoying flickering habit when it is plugged in. Anyone know what that's about?

My parents are buying me and Joshua a wonderful DSLR camera for a wedding present. I can't wait to try it out.

There's so much I can't wait for! But I'm going to try to enjoy this week moment by moment and savor all the precious seconds that I have with Jesus, and my parents, and my friends, and with Joshua. This is when life changes forever. I'm ready to dive in.

Hobbit feet

2009-05-05T22:54:00.003-04:00

Today was a gardening day again, after about a week of rain. It was still raining today, but Joshua and I darted out between rain showers until it finally let up for a good period of time and the sun peeked out every now and again. I have been grumbling about the rain for days because we have a clay-based soil and I was pretty certain the pounding of the rain was going to compact all that I had spent hours endlessly raking into one giant hard clod of clay. Much to my surprise, I discovered that the rain had actually helped our soil composition and it was a dream to work in. "Life lessons in the garden" has become a common utterance already... this life lesson was, even when circumstances make you think that God might possibly be flushing your life down the toilet, He really is working things out for the best for you.

I decided to go barefoot in the garden today and the result was feet that resemble Frodo Baggins' very own. Haha-- a funny thought-- I went for about four months without shaving this winter... just think if I hadn't shaved yet I would have definitely been like a hobbit!

Next week is the week of my wedding, how impossible is that to believe. I've only been dreaming of what this day will be like since I was seven.

Can't wait can't wait can't wait.

Anyone still read this thing?

2009-04-28T21:15:00.003-04:00

Well, to anyone who is out there and still stops by occasionally to see if I've blogged... here I am! Tonight of all nights... 18 days before my wedding... I decided it was time to write again.

Life has been... wonderful for the past months. Godspell. Gardening. Jesus. Where to begin? How bout I give you sound bites of each?

Godspell. At the time of my last post, I'm not sure what my level of involvement with Highland's production of Godspell was, but soon after I became engulfed in all things related to the show. Which was wonderful. Joshua was part of the cast, it was an amazing show because the Spirit of God inhabited it, and the response from people who saw it was overwhelming. I became Queen of the Duct Tape as part of the technical crew that had to attach mic packs to 13 bodies that would do nothing but sweat profusely for three hours. I learned ten different ways for ten different skin types how to attach a headset mic to someone's face so that it wouldn't fall off mid-show. I even got to add my own artistic flair to the effort because I got to run the fog machine during specific scenes. (Whoo hoo! Only got busted by the Orange Peel guys once for scaring them... they thought I was going to set off the smoke alarm... but it looked awesome, I'm telling you.) 14-hour days and a few hours of sleep just to get up and do it all over again. Loved every minute of it. Loved it so much that I am super excited that we are running the show again in June at the Orange Peel.

Gardening. I'm not sure when it started exactly, but I've known that God wants me to grow a garden for awhile now. Thanks to the IRS, Joshua and I finally had the funds to buy our seeds and supplies and we've been working HARD on getting things ready for the spring plant. The last frost date in Asheville isn't until the second week of May, can you believe that? I got a daring today and planted some marigold seeds. Josh has made an awesome design with three different framed beds and one by one we're getting them in the ground and the dirt raked to a "fine tilth" (soil that is fine and crumbly) within them-- which is not an easy task when the soil is a clay-like soil. It seems to be a very fertile plot, though... as we're digging trenches to lay the frames down, we've seen hundred of earthworms squirming around, which is always a good sign for the gardner. I enjoy the hard work and waking up with sore muscles, and having dirt between my toes at the end of the day.

Jesus. Always good and always changing me. He's been opening my eyes recently to see how much of my life, even my spirituality, has just been religion. He's been showing me the Gospel, and I love him for it.

I'm getting married in 18 days. I can't wait to marry Joshua... he is an amazing man. Patient with me and my shortcomings, my best friend, someone that I love to spend time with and work beside. He makes me laugh, he helps me have fun, and he is a warrior. I can't wait to promise myself to this man and spend the rest of my life on this earth with him. And I am so excited if you are coming to our wedding to witness that. Awesome! Pray for clear weather and a gorgeous sunset painted by our heavenly Father, just for the occasion.

An update

2009-02-20T19:11:00.007-05:00

Overheard from the den as the scary movie music swells: "I just want to know, why would a little boy be out in the woods at night?" I love little girls.

Thank you for asking for an update. For the past several days I've been jonesin' to sit down at the computer and post something new, but life has been busy. Wedding planning is in full swing, friends came to visit, my to-do list has filled up all the allocated page lines and is now overflowing into the margins, and I am in the middle of a tsunami of laundry. But life is good. We've prepped the soil in the backyard for our spring vegetable garden, which I am most excited about, especially the corn. Don't ask me why, but corn is my favorite crop to grow. I think it's because my first experience with a vegetable garden produced the most delicious corn I've ever tasted and I'm trying to recreate the bliss of summer sweet corn on the cob.

Lately... I like lists, so I'll give it to you in list form:

I've been watching: LOST, Biggest Loser, American Idol, and ER. First of all, may I express my love for a little technology called DVR. I would never watch TV without it... namely because I am generally not home when my favorite programs are airing, and also that I abhor commercials. Biggest Loser has gotten smart about it and has started with product placement at least one time during each episode, through which I also cheerily fast forward. I promised that I would not give away anything about LOST because Jules is a bit behind over in England... but I can express my appreciation that at least the writers are keeping up the plot and not dragging us along endlessly as they did in the second season. I think one of the only reasons I still have patience with this show is because I know it is going to end after next season and so I have hope for a proper resolution. That and it's just so smart. I haven't much to say about Biggest Loser, except that I am happy that the contestants seem to be a lot nicer this season and genuinely concerned for one another and not just about winning $250,000. I watch American Idol on and off, and I still haven't made up my mind about the new judge. Randy Jackson seems to be getting testier by the day, and actually how old is Paula Abdul? This season is the last season of ER, which is the only reason I am watching it... primarily because they are bringing back old cast members to close out the show. Noah Wylie, a.k.a. Dr. Carter returned this week, I believe (haven't watched the DVR-ed episode yet), and I think he's staying until the season's end. Still holding out for George Clooney's return as well.

I've been reading: I just decided to re-read Francine River's Mark of the Lion trilogy, which if you have not read it you need to go buy it now. Absolutely the best fiction series I have ever read (followed closely by Ted Dekker's Circle trilogy). I just read a non-fiction work by Dekker entitled The Slumber of Christianity which really rocked my world. And I'm in the middle of a biography on George Mueller... challenging because it highlights how big God is and how little we usually believe Him at His word. Mueller did, and has an amazing life story as a result.

I've been pondering: Eternity and what it will be like; what font I'd like to use on my wedding invitations; Joseph Kony's child soldiers, who are branching out of Uganda and into surrounding African countries (I do not understand why the heck the ICC cannot send an international military force in to successfully arrest this ONE MAN who is responsible for the terrorizing and massacre of thousands of people and the abduction of thousands of children... if you know, please tell me); possible honeymoon destinations on limited funds; and humanitarian action that benefits the common good but does not share the Good News.

I love living in North Carolina, and I especially love the Rocky Bald River down by Chimney Rock, and as soon as the weather is in the sixties, I am headed out there for an ice cream cone and an extended afternoon of sunbathing on a boulder mid-river.

The heater is broken

2009-02-02T15:40:00.002-05:00

Me, oh my... it's raining/snowing outside and the heater is broken and it is quite possible that I'm turning into a human icicle. I was going to say popsicle, but I'm not impaled on a wooden stick, so I suppose icicle is more appropo. Is appropo even a word?

In the news this week... the Steelers won the Superbowl by a tip-toe touchdown, Olympian great Michael Phelps got a lovely picture of himself smoking a marijuana bong plastered all over the media, an ice storm has left almost a million people without electricity in Kentucky (so much for global warming), and we're pretty much headed for the Great Depression, Part Two.

In Megan's life this week... wedding planning, honeymoon planning, work, house/dog-sitting, possibly freezing to death.

I'm being dramatic. But whatever.

Obviously, I need to change #93

2009-01-13T22:04:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I'm changing #93 to Kak's suggestion...

Learn to make bah-nah-nah bread.

What is the point of having a blog anyway? I am in the process of weaning myself off of Facebook for awhile and that has got me thinking about all the ways I am connected to other people via the internet. Hands down, my favorite thing about Facebook is the photo albums. I like sharing my pictures and looking at other people's albums. Also I like playing WordTwist, which is like the online game TextTwist except you get to play against your friends and I'm competitive so I like that. But right up there with the practical perks of photo sharing and game playing is the fact that I love the status update. Because I want someone to care about me and what I'm doing or how I'm feeling or what kind of day I'm having.

Really, I think it's the same thing with blogging. Why do people blog? People don't blog for themselves... that's called journaling. You know, with a pen filling up pages that nobody else reads until you're dead. People blog because they want other people to read what they write and find it interesting and valuable.

To completely overanalyze all of this, I propose that most internet communication (aside from email which can be likened to the ancient art of writing a letter... although a sad substitute for it... but I won't get on my soapbox)-- Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, blogs-- is really a desperate cry for community. When we post in our Facebook status that we are having a bad day, what we are really saying is, "Someone care about me!"

The injustice of the situation is that it only propagates our culture of increasingly isolated lives. While we lament to our friends via Twitter that we are having the worst day of the century, we ignore our co-worker in the next cubicle. Instead of building relationships with the real flesh-and-bones people surrounding us in any given day, we choose to exist as an internet persona. Is this because being somewhat vulnerable and authentic with those around us is too frightening? What on earth are we afraid of?

I could probably go on endlessly, but I've been up since WAY too early this morning and I'm going to bed.

I have a true fondness for the blogging community I'm a part of (especially because of people like Jules), but now I'm just questioning my motives. I could just say, "I'm cutting out blogging altogether!" but I think that would be silly because I enjoy it very much. But I'm not going to let it be something I hide behind. Every time I feel like updating my Facebook status, I think I'm just going to call someone I consider a friend to talk.

Good point

2009-01-11T20:31:00.002-05:00

Okay, the married ladies pointed out that my 1001-day blogging commitment might need to be amended a tad... especially since there will be a wedding and honeymoon going on for me mid-year. Yeah, love you all-- not blogging on my honeymoon. ;)

I'm not sure if I really liked that one anyway. I mean, it's fun to blog. And I always appreciate it when people write more often than not. So I'm debating replacing that one altogether. Hmmm...

I'm thisclose to finishing up LOST Season 4. Only the final two episodes to go and then I'll be caught up for the January 21 premiere. Anybody else out there going to a premiere party? I think some friends of mine are having one where you get to dress up like your favorite character. Who is your favorite LOST character? In the past I was a die-hard Sayid fan, but these days I'm leaning more toward Jin. Although he dies at some point (sorry if that was a spoiler for you) so I probably should just stick with Sayid.

101 in 1001 - starting today!

2009-01-10T17:58:00.009-05:00

101 in 1001

The idea is 101 goals to meet/things to do in 1001 days...
1001 days will take me from today, January 10, 2009 to October 9, 2011
(from 23 and single to 26 and married for two years!)

The Key:
Not started
In progress
~~Accomplished (with date)~~

Get married
Get my third tattoo after I turn 25
Read the Bible all the way through
Grow a vegetable garden
Send out Christmas cards in 2009 or 2010
Learn to live in the secret place
Make a habit of reading before bed
Buy seasons 2 through 5 of ER
Buy some sheet music and practice my reading skills to the point where I feel semi-comfortable sight reading
Spend one month eating locally
Secret Goal
Super Secret Goal
One candlelit and music-filled evening with Joshua
Take dance lessons
Take a Tai-chi class
Get a professional massage
Stay at the Grove Park Inn during winter and lounge in front of their cavernous fireplace
Visit my cousins
Take a trip with Josh to the Outer Banks
Walk across the Mile High Bridge at Grandfather Mountain
Spend time listening to my grandparents’ stories and write some of them down
Be 100% okay with disappointing people
Dig for the answers to my spiritual questions, and discover why I’m asking them
Secret Goal
Plan a progressive dinner party
Initiate a conversation with a stranger when I don’t feel like it
Wear a size four and stay that way
Make a habit of thinking differently
Quit soda for a year (again)…
Get contacts
Give away the clothes in my closet that I haven’t worn in over a year
Build a bonafide snowman
See what’s at the end of the yellow rope in the caves of Rumbling Bald
Have an emergency fund built up completely
Pay off debt
Learn to make biscuits from scratch from Grammy
Learn to sew
Make a quilt
Create a filing system that is actually useful
Own the game Settlers of Catan
Make a homemade pie
Visit the Biltmore Estate when it’s decorated for Christmas, preferably with snow on the ground outside
Carry on a Christmas tradition with Joshua
Hike up Cold Mountain
Run in a race of some sort
Ride my bicycle at Bent Creek
Hike to Graveyard Falls
Pick blueberries at Black Balsam
Secret Goal
Memorize the book of 1 John
Visit the Library of Congress
Secret Goal
Spend at least three weeks in Nicaragua
Become fluent in Spanish
Introduce my sister-in-love to a particular someone who shall not be mentioned here
Complete the wedding day chela photo sequence
Secret Goal (0/7)
Read a book of poetry
Make spanakopita ten times (0/10)
Work out for at least one hour a day for 120 days before my wedding (0/120)
Read all of my National Geographic magazines from 2008 (0/28)
Super Secret Goal
Spend a day reading by a waterfall
Run 10 miles on the Mountains to the Sea trail
Make the most comfortable bed possible for Joshua and I (down feather pillows, down feather mattress pad, high thread count sheets, duvet)
Secret Goal (0/143)
Have a dog
Have a cat
Travel somewhere by train
Have $3,000 saved toward a trip to Europe
Secret Goal
Secret Goal
Hike to the top of Mount Mitchell
Use teeth-whitening strips
Exfoliate regularly
Secret Goal
Change my diet to the point where at least 50% of what I put in my mouth is raw
Start a collection of board games that could rival Heather Heather’s
Practice my guitar at least once a week (0/143)
Grow out my hair until these 1001 days are up (excluding trims of up to two inches)
Buy a bookshelf
Slide down Sliding Rock ten times (0/10)
Secret Goal
Hike up to the top of Looking Glass Rock
Hike to the top of the Mount Pisgah Summit when the autumn foliage is at its height
Go camping
Take a trip with Matt and Breanna
Write Deborah an email every week in 2009 (1/52)
Try to find Skinny Dip Falls
Visit all 14 state parks in Western North Carolina (0/14)
Take a trip with Joshua to Highlands/Cashiers, NC and hike as much as possible
Read 50 books (0/50)
Learn to make banana bread
Go stargazing with Joshua ten times (0/10)
Go to India with Joshua
Wear a different necklace every day for two weeks (0/14)
Secret Goal
Make a work of art and send it to K-Smeltz
Secret Goal
Take my sister-in-love on a trip
Enjoy every moment of my wedding day

A Wanderer's Heart

Rainstorms

Sassafras Walk

Down Home Herbal Medicine

Congratulations, Myles and Wendi :)

WOD from Hades

Preacher girl

Day 52

Tuesday

History

Saturday

Day 47

Day 46

Day 45

Consolidation

Coming together

Epic failure

Tonight's dinner experiment

Writing

Today's thoughts

Ancient computer

Home again, home again

Off to Myrtle Beach!

I must blog

Saturday wasn't my fault...

Day 26

Week in Pictures

Thursday's Gratitude

Day 24

Toastmasters

Compartmentalization

crap

Day 21

fun with Shell Bell

mind over matter

Today I feel...

extra long

Day 17

Self-discovery

Ambulance protocol

new digs

Spaghetti Squash

Happy birthday!

Friday!!!

poetry

Day 11

thoughts for the day

Daydreaming of the apocalypse

Day 9 - The Things You Don't Know

Forgetting

Day 8

Day 7

Before I forget...

How well do you know Emma Worthy?

Other blog

Day 5

Change

81 mil

Day 3

The "I" Word

The daily

90-Day Challenge

The internet was down yesterday, it wasn't my fault

Happy New Year!

Case in point

Only 12 posts for the whole year???

It's not polite to ignore a request

-something funny-something listing-something just letting the blogging world know you are still alive

the beginning

process:transformation

Summer lovin'

Blog-worthy!

Summertime

Welcome back

Blog spam?

Favorite Superbowl Commercial

Maybe it's time to update this

Blog of the day

I'm fighting my insecurities

Winter Storm Warning

-something funny
-something listing
-something just letting the blogging world know you are still alive