The winding road

If six weeks ago I was outraged at the cost of blood glucose test strips, I bet I'll really have fun when I find out how much an MRI cost us.

Shortly after my post about my trip to the pharmacy, I was diagnosed with early-onset preeclampsia. My midwives determined me too high-risk for their care, so I was transferred to a group of OBGYN specialists, whom-- I am very happy to say-- I adore. The past month has been filled with bi-weekly doctors visits, weekly ultrasounds and lab work, a few emergent visits to outpatient labor and delivery at the hospital for blood pressure monitoring and non-stress tests, and one overnight stay on the maternal fetal medicine unit for inpatient observation. Today I am 30 weeks and 5 days pregnant. The goal is to make it to 37 weeks.

This weekend was when I got admitted to the hospital for observation. I had been complaining of visual disturbances for a few days, which can be normal in pregnancy but can also be an indicator for preeclamptic patients that the condition is worsening and needs to be assessed right away. What started as a squeezed-in Friday morning appointment at the doctor's office ended up with me in a bed on maternal fetal medicine on Friday night. It was probably the first time in this pregnancy that I was actually, truly scared.

The doctor that discharged me yesterday (the team determined that my visual symptoms were not preeclamptic and also that I'm not going to die of a thrombosis in my brain, thanks to that MRI) told me that it is not likely that I will be able to make it to 37 weeks without seeing my condition worsen into severe preeclampsia. He advised that I should prepare myself for a long inpatient hospital stay at some point and medical intervention for me and the baby. He mentioned steroids... those of you familiar with premature babies will know that he was referring to medicine they give to mature the baby's lungs quickly before a premature delivery, which indicated to me that he thought that I might not even make it to 34 or 35 weeks when the baby's lungs are considered technically developed. I'm just stating this for the record because I'm really hoping and praying that God will see us through to have this baby full-term. If she is going to have to come early, God knows that and will handle it-- He is the one that ordains these things, after all. But how I would love for Him to show His hand and sustain both me and our baby girl through 37 weeks or beyond.

Preeclampsia is a condition that is still a relative mystery in the OBGYN field-- no one knows what causes it (there are theories about endothelial dysfunction or inappropriate immune response to the placenta), there is no known treatment aside from delivery of the baby and placenta (which is not always the most favorable option in early-onset cases), and although clinical trials have taken place to see how the condition might be impacted or reduced (vitamin D sufficiency, mother having increased exposure to the father's semen, i.e. no barrier contraceptives, etc.) there is no firm evidence base. What doctors do know is that they have seen very scary things happen when preeclamptic patients develop full-blown ecclampsia (think Sybil on Downton Abbey) or HELLP syndrome. Those are conditions that I refuse to Google. I am aware that my doctors are going to do everything in their power to prevent me from progressing into ecclampsia, even if that means delivering a pre-term baby. This is really hard for Joshua to swallow... I think I find it easier to handle because I don't want anything bad to happen to me. Not that he does! I think it's just more real to me since I've felt what's going on with my body. The idea of having a seizure that could harm or kill me or the baby is not on my to-do list. I am so thankful that we are at a point in this pregnancy where the baby has a very positive  potential survival rate in the NICU if she needs to come out. There could be serious set-backs or complications, sure, but she is certainly viable. Most of all I am thankful that she is thriving in the womb and there are no signs of fetal distress or growth restriction... so far it just seems like it's my body having a problem with the pregnancy.

Many people have demonstrated their love and care to us with tangible actions in the past few weeks. I've had meals delivered and laundry done, moms with kids over to play with Aidan and more babysitters for Aidan than I can count. Thank you so much to those in our community that have really been there for us and are helping us through this. Every time I go to the hospital while Joshua is working (we decided he needs to save his limited time off work for when I actually have the baby), whether someone is accompanying me or just giving me a ride or watching Aidan while Joshua and I are both unavailable, I think of all the women out there who have to do this alone. I can't even imagine how hard that would be. I am so grateful to be surrounded by such a loving and demonstrative group of family and friends.  

Please continue to pray for our family-- that God would prepare our hearts for the winding road ahead; for our Aidan Bear, who is having a bit of a hard time with me and Joshua being gone so much and being with a babysitter a lot; and for the health of me and our baby girl. I am hoping that in another six weeks I will be announcing the arrival of a beautiful, healthy little girl and telling you all about how, despite the statistics, God carried us through to full-term and a relatively normal delivery. Maybe all of this will just be high drama that never saw any reality. :) But God will sustain us no matter what comes. Thanks for being His hands and feet!