Ode to a Year

♫JANUARY♫

1. Who kissed you on New Year's?
That would be Joshua Geiger... New Year's 2008... I was freaking out because my roommate threw a party and I didn't know anyone and I kind of had a panic attack, so I ran away to Josh's house and spent an evening watching movies with him and Michelle.

2. Did you have a New Year's resolution this year?
I had a list of 31. I think the only one I accomplished was carving a pumpkin.

3. Does it snow where you live?
Once in awhile.

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Yes. :)

5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
No, but that would be fun, I think, with the right people in tow.

♫FEBRUARY♫

1. Who was your Valentine?
Joshua Geiger, and it was the most amazing Valentine's Day ever.

2. When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class?
Yes, but it always made me nervous.

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
No... but probably come March I will.

4. Something special in February?
Valentine's Day is fun.

♫MARCH♫

1. Are you Irish?
A quarter.

2. Do you wear green every Year on St. Patrick's Day?
I always forget, but I like to pinch.

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2008?
I don't remember... but I do think I forgot to wear green.

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
Yes, but I'm always antsy waiting for it to get here too.

5. Something special in March?
Both of my parents' birthdays are in March... two days apart... and then in another two days is my grandmother and cousin's birthday.

♫APRIL♫

1. Do you like the rain?
I love it. All kinds of rainy days... slow and soft rain, big torrential thunderstorms... bring it on!

2. Did you play an April Fools joke on anyone this year?
No.

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Not really anymore :(

4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
Nope.

5. Something special in April?
My grandpa's birthday.

♫MAY♫

1. What is your favorite flower?
Roses, preferably red ones.

2 Anything special in May?
Well, from 2009 it will be my WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!!! (May 16 is the official date.)

3. Finish the phrase "April showers..."
... bring May flowers.

4. Do you celebrate May 16th:
I don't know why this date is special for other people, but it's going to be my wedding anniversary.


♫JUNE♫

1. Did you do anything fun during this month?
Let's see... in June 2008 I was horribly depressed because Joshua was gone to India and I was having a really difficult time being alone in Asheville. But God did amazing things that summer in me, so even though it wasn't fun, it was worth it.

2. Have a favorite baseball team?
No.

♫JULY♫

1. Did you go on any vacations?
I went to Myrtle Beach, SC to visit Michelle... and Dacia and Jessy came up to visit me for a weekend.

2. Do you blast the A/C all day?
Eh, it's not too bad up here.

♫AUGUST♫

1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Joshua Geiger came home from India and it was the most wonderful, anticipated moment ever.

3. Did you have a sunburn?
I think it's impossible to get a sunburn in North Carolina.

4. Did you go to the pool a lot?
Nope. I haven't been in a pool since I don't even remember.

5. Anything special happen in August?
God totally rearranged our lives for us. That's always awesome. :)

♫SEPTEMBER♫

1. Will you be attending college/school?
I'm done with school for the time being.

2. Do you like fall better than summer?
After being here for both of those seasons this year, I realize what an impossible choice that is. Summertime... swimming at waterfalls and swimming holes... hiking... splashing in creeks... fireflies... blueberry picking. Autumn... beautiful foliage... apple cider... first hint of cold weather... yes, an impossible decision.

3. What did you do on September 11th?
I have no idea.

♫OCTOBER♫

1. What was your last Halloween costume?
The last time I dressed up for Halloween, I was a chubby bumble bee and very cute.

2. What is your favorite candy?
M&Ms

3. Whose birthday is this month?
October... Michelle!

4. What is your favorite thing about this month?
I think carving pumpkins will be my new favorite thing about October. Something I hadn't done before this year.

♫NOVEMBER♫

1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
Joshua's family's house in Melbourne... it was fun meeting everyone and being announced as the wife-to-be.

2. Whats best about this month?
Autumn is in its full glory in the mountains here. Thanksgiving!

3. What are you thankful for?
Everything Jesus did in me and in my life this year. Being 137 days away from marrying the love of my life. Friends, family, and fun memories.

4. Do you love stuffing?
Yessssss... I really don't think there is a better bite than turkey, gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce all together... mmmmmmmmm...

♫DECEMBER♫

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yes!

2. What is December 1st, 2007?
The day the Christmas countdown begins. Carols are totally playing 24/7.

3. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?
No. Still! :(

4. Get anything special last year?
Joshua spent a lot of his hard earned money to buy me an iPod.

5. What do you want this year?
Well, it's a little late for that, isn't it? I think I got everything on my list, actually.

6. Do you like cold weather?
Love it!

________________________________________________________________

Well, I'm working on my 101 in 1001 list (it's sort of a resolution thing), but it won't be completed tonight. I'll share the gist and the list with you soon. Maybe it will inspire you to do your own!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Wedding date

Okay, if you had put the 26th of April on your calendar, take it off.

Joshua and I are now trying to decide on a new wedding date because we found out that our pastor isn't available to marry us on the 26th.

Choosing a date is harder than I thought it would be, especially with so many out-of-towners and a short engagement.

Going to the venue we're hoping for this afternoon. Wish me Godspeed!

Story of the proposal

So here's the story for those of you who have not yet heard:

Saturday night was the Highland staff Christmas party, complete with a white elephant gift exchange. I brought a CD because I figured I would be nice and give someone something other than junk, and Josh told me he had wrapped some funny glasses (the kind with the nose and mustache attached) for his gift. I had absolutely no suspicions whatsoever, because I knew days before the party that he was planning on using the glasses as his gift. Little did I know, Saturday morning the jeweler called Josh to tell him the ring was ready, and so I had a surprise in store for me.

Joshua is a fabulous gift wrapper. Seriously, professional-quality wrapping skills. He came to pick me up on Saturday night and I saw his present... beautifully wrapped in shiny blue paper with a big red ribbon wrapped around it and tied in a bow.

In the car ahead of us, Mary called everyone who would be at the party and told them that during the gift exchange they were not to choose the blue present with the red bow. When the exchange started that evening, the only rule Mary emphasized was that the last person to go could steal anyone's gift, but whoever they stole from MUST go and get the last present left underneath the tree. Of course, they had rigged the game so that Joshua had the highest number and would be last to go. And of course no one picked his present during their respective trips to the tree, and so the blue present with the red bow was the last one left. And of course, when it was Joshua's turn, he stole my present.

This made me really mad. One, because earlier in the game I had told him to move his present more to the forefront, because it was hiding in the back corner and no one was choosing it. I thought they must just be overlooking it, because surely someone would have picked the beautifully wrapped box over what was obviously a ginormous television set originally bought circa 1977. He told me it was fine. Second, I had a wall sconce shaped like a musical staff and the notes were where you would put little votive candles and I thought it was delightful. When he stole it from me, I made a big stink about it, because first of all, I liked it, and second of all, he could've stolen something really great (like a Clapper!) from somebody else so we could've gone home with two cool presents. Now I had to go under the tree and his was the only present left and I knew it was those ugly glasses.

I stomped over to the tree. "I don't want this one," I said. Scooping up the present I shook it in Josh's face. "Are you just really attached to these or something? This is your present!" Someone jokingly called out that I should save the paper, so just out of spite I ripped it off with extra gusto. I opened up the box to see some ugly pair of glasses

and there was the ring box.

OH. MY. GOSH.

Josh took the ring box and dropped down to one knee and I sucked in the hugest gasp. Is he actually getting down on one knee? In front of all these people? I was just such a turd about opening this present! He took my hand in his and started a soliloquy of sweet words about how my name means "precious pearl" and I am God's precious pearl and his precious pearl. And how Jesus told the parable about the man who found a pearl of great price and he went and sold all he had to buy it, Josh was willing to sacrifice everything for me. It was very romantic, and made half the room cry, and then he asked,

"Megan Elizabeth, will you marry me?"

I let out a shaky but sure yes and he put the ring on my finger!

And-- viola!-- we're engaged. And come April my initials will be M.E.G.

Megan
Elizabeth
Geiger

I've always secretly wanted that. God's a baller.

It's official

Joshua Geiger and I are engaged to be married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't stop smiling.

Save the date for April 26. Tentatively.

Currently

READING Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. If you are into nutrition or sustainable living you will absolutely love this book. Check it out from your local library-- Kingsolver is a widely recognized author (both fiction and nonfiction works) and will probably be on the shelves. It's a fun narrative of one family's ambition to eat locally for a year and her poetic prose mixed with sobering facts get you hooked line and sinker.
WATCHING LOST Season 3 (and soon Season 4) to catch up before Season 5 premieres on January 21. I have finally found a friend in NC (yay, Brittney!) who gets sucked into that show as much as I do.
LISTENING to Kim Walker's We Cry Out album.
PONDERING life, emotions, and wounds.
ATTEMPTING to get myself in the mood to put away all my clean laundry... yuck.
PRAYING for the lost, for the wounded, for those I love, for God to transform my heart.
HOPING that Bryan will be able to fix the computer quickly when he gets home...
EXPERIENCING some sort of breakthrough which has been long in coming and leaves me feeling energized and intentional.
LOVING Joshua Geiger. For real.
HATING my tendency toward laziness. Yuck!
DESIRING more of Jesus... every day, every hour, in every way... please!

Somehow yesterday slipped past me

Isn't it interesting how life just kind of slips through your fingertips like sand?
I think there is something to be said for intentionality.

I generally think I'm a person who doesn't watch that much television, but I wonder how many hours a week I really spend sitting in front of a box.
I wonder if I didn't watch any television or movies how my life would change.
Why is it that we are so engrossed by what we watch?
That has to say something about how we're made and what we long for.

2008 is almost over.
Have you ever considered how many more years this planet will exist?
How long the United States of America will exist as a nation?

I think so narrowly, confined to this itty bitty box when reality is SO MUCH BIGGER.
I pray that I will truly learn to live as a stranger passing through... and that my eyes would be opened to the real picture.

Does anyone already have any resolutions for 2009?
I can't really decide on one. And I think I might actually like to try just one this year instead of making an infinitely long list and then being overwhelmed by all my good intentions and lack of self-discipline.

Laundry calling.

Later, taters.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Things not to do on a cold winter night: stand outside of a restaurant to chat.

Meme time. A music meme. Stolen from Jules.

Put your music on shuffle and take the first line of the first 20 songs that come up and make a song.

Call on your angels
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
I want a little sugar in my bowl
Listen everybody.

Don't wish, don't start
My soul is as open as the sky
Maybe it's much too early in the game
Finally I figured out but it took a long, long time.

He was a famous trumpet man from the Chicago way
When marimba rhythms start to play
Lord of heaven and earth
Every time I fall down on my face.

Silent night, holy night
At last my love has come along
He set my soul at ease
Hey Jude don't make it bad.

Oh, how He loves us, oh...

Okay, so my friend Brittney introduced me to this song by Kim Walker and I am absolutely in love with it. The first time I listened to it I had tears streaming down my face. Oh, how He loves us, oh...!

Tomorrow Joshua and I are going to get the license plates for our new car so we should be tootling around town soon enough... and there is rumor that we might be doing some engagement ring sizing as well... eek! :)

God has just been such an incredible Giver to us lately... car, diamond ring... in spite of the current economic situation in the U.S. It's really put me on a different path, I think, because I hear so much anxiety and worry coming from the mouths of everyone and while I can acknowledge the basis of their fears, I have no emotional connection to that mentality whatsoever. The reality that the God we love is bigger than the economy of this one nation is so tangible to me right now, people probably think I'm a little nuts when I just smile in the face of uncertainty and recession and praise the Lord for His provision. It's so freeing to be loved by a God who is not bound by human invention.

Yay, God!

W

Who am I going to be in twenty years?

What is your heart's desire?

When will fairytales cease to exist?

Where does one find the perfect romance?

Why do women love to be swept away?


These deep and delving questions after a viewing of 13 Going on 30 with Victoria and Stephanie. ;)

Treacherous Tuesday

treach' er·ous (trech' ә-rәs) adj. deceptive; unreliable.

e·mo'tion (i-mō' shәn) n. a state of mind in which feeling, sentiment, or attitude is predominant (over cognition and volition).

Treacherous Tuesday. A day in which Megan is experiencing a deceptive and unreliable state of mind in which feeling, sentiment, and attitude are predominant over rational thought and willpower.

I think that the fact that I realize this is a point in my favor. There are a couple things that I know to do in order to shift the balance from feelings to fact:

1) Speak the truth.
2) Give thanks.
3) Focus on someone other than myself.

The truth is that feelings do not operate the train that is my life-- faith and facts do. Facts such as...

I am an eternal being and this life is not my own.
Feelings, while sometimes pleasant, often lie.
God is so much better than I can infinitely imagine.
He knows my heart and loves me. He has wonderful, adventurous plans for me.
Even when my feelings tell me otherwise, it is possible to experience complete satisfaction and fulfillment in Christ alone.

I am still reading Crazy Love and in it there is this quote from the book God is the Gospel that says, "The critical question for our generation-- and for every generation-- is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"

When I read that it was just like a knife in the chest. Because I am guilty; because it is quite possible that I would be okay with that. The realization that I don't love God as I ought was like ice water in my face. I've been struggling since I read that, because self-condemnation is something that comes easy to me... but now I am starting to look at myself truthfully and see the hope that is there. It is true that I do not love God as I ought. But that is like a half-truth if I leave it there, because just to say that completely ignores the desire to love God more that he himself has placed in my heart. And he who began a good work in me will bring it to completion, amen! So my prayer today is, "Help! The pitiful amount of love and desire I have for you leaves me ashamed... The truth is that I love me. Change my heart." And I have hope, because he will. Is that not good news? O, praise him!

I am thankful for God's unending faithfulness... so thankful that his desire and love for me is beyond my comprehension. Thankful that he hears my prayer and that he will give me a heart that loves him with a crazy love. I am thankful for friendships and companionship on the journey and women (like Brittney and Mary) who are willing to listen and love. I am thankful that I don't have to have everything figured out; that life can be an adventure; that I can live for something more than money, power, or myself. I am thankful for freshly sharpened pencils and new journals full of blank pages yet to be filled. I am thankful for tastebuds and the ability to smell... glorious smells like freshly baked bread, or brewing coffee, or the sky just before it rains, or the scent of Joshua's skin mixed with the smell of his soap. I am thankful for all kinds of weather... sunshine and rainstorms and snow that falls softly and silently. I am thankful for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.

And now, to focus on Someone other than myself. Abiding. Loving. Desiring.

Bring it on.

Until Wonderful Wednesday, everyone. Here is one of my new favorite music videos to leave you with...

Back again!

So sorry for the week-long absence...

'Twas a whirlwind trip to Florida and I think I could use a vacation upon my return to Asheville. You know how it goes.

Highlights of the trip include:
. spending time with my mom and dad .
. a meal at the Cheesecake Factory .
. a visit to the beach .
. seeing my sister-in-love .
. meeting all of my beloved's family and being announced as the wife-to-be .
. an afternoon with my grandparents and listening to stories about the Shades of Weehawken .
. decorating my parents' home for Christmas .
. Joshua asking for (and receiving) my father's blessing for us to get married .
. inheriting a beautiful engagement ring .
. lunch on the St. Petersburg pier with two of our best friends .

Although this will seem backward after what you just read, Joshua and I are still not engaged. I would really like to be asked, and he would really like to ask me. You know, the proposal where he gets down on one knee. :) So I suppose that will be coming up sometime soon. And then I will get to post pictures of the beautiful ring that was my Nana's.

Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow in a winter wonderland. Snow expected.

XOXO.

.m.o.r.e. .t.i.r.e.d.

today is done
here comes tomorrow...
staff meeting, flight to Florida

then two-years with Joshua

then Thanksgiving
meeting his extended family

then visiting my family

and maybe some friends

and then coming home...

all in time to start another week all over again.

so tired right now
but tomorrow this will all be exciting :)

A car

Potentially I could say a lot right now.

Because God gave us (Joshua and I) a car today.

But I think that it will do to say that God is faithful and bigger than I can ever imagine. :)

.tired.

So basically Heather Heather was in town for one day, and that day was today. I'm taking her bright and early to the airport tomorrow morning. We had to make the most of this one day together.

It consisted of:

.sleeping in.
.going to Chick-fil-A only to discover we had missed breakfast hours.
.deep and long discussion over grilled cheese (me) and breakfast (her) at IHOP.
.delivering lunch to Joshua.
.a trip to Wal-Mart to buy provisions for spelunking (read: crackers and cheese and headlamps).
.hiking up Rumbling Bald.
.spelunking.
.picking up Josh and meeting Phil and Victoria at Texas Roadhouse for dinner.
.a visit to the Grove Park Inn to see the renowned gingerbread house competition and dueling piano bar.
.dropping off Josh.
.coming home and collapsing into bed.

Bloggerooni

My dear friend Heather Heather is in town. Tonight the temperature is in the teens and Joshua and I took her downtown to the Prayer Gallery. I think she was wearing ten layers and three hats. And still cold.

Joshua and I have this really bad habit of leaving our car headlights on and then we come out later and try to start the car and realize the battery is dead. It's an old Tercel and there is no dinging or light flashing to give you warning that you've left the lights on. Today, for at least the fifteenth time, we had to get someone to give us a jump because we had done it again. (Thank God the Worthys put a pair of jumper cables in the trunk.) So we were late picking Heather Heather up from the airport. But she's reading Twilight so I don't think she minded too much.

We tried to do the whole rolling start thing since the Tercel is a manual, but I was in the driver's seat and couldn't get it to work. I think I was supposed to pop the clutch or something once I had it in second gear, but I don't know what that means and I didn't do it. Poor Joshua had to push the car up a hill and I think he might have given himself a hernia.

It was snowing this morning. :)

Symphony of shooting stars

Tonight Joshua and I went star-gazing up on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Bundled up in quilts and afghans from Grammy Doris' house, we sat on the hood of the car (yay for warm engines) and stared up into the heavens. An inky black sky dotted with diamond-like stars with a blanket of clouds rolling in from the south.

As the clouds moved over the patch of sky we were watching, lots of cold air came with them. The side of my body that was exposed to the south suddenly felt like it was being crystallized with ice at one point, which was really cool. I've never actually felt a cold front move in like that.

Josh and I started singing old hymns and some different worship songs that we know, and as we did the symphony of shooting stars began. The brightest one shot through the sky in the middle of us singing Rich Mullin's famous tune Awesome God and Josh laughed and said, "He really likes that one." I said that it was probably Rich up there that nudged God and said, "Hey, give them a good one, they're singing my song!"

Another late great blog post

I have no idea why I am up at 1:30 a.m. I've been up since 6:00 a.m. and haven't even wanted a nap. I have a feeling this is going to bite me in the butt tomorrow.

Apparently there's a lot to update you on in the world of books, movies, and reality television.

a) I read The Shack by William Young today. I had heard mixed reviews of the book, and the most common was, "It's a good read as long as you remember it's a novel." Here's a pretty unbiased article from USA Today on the subject. My thoughts... as a novel, it is pretty good. Compelling read, although sometimes the writing was a little overdone. (I frequently overdo writing, so I can recognize when it's overdone.) Theologically sound? I don't have a degree or a whole lot of head knowledge on doctrine, but there were a few things that I could definitely pick out as being off track. Overall, I enjoyed the open-mindedness of the book and the beauty of grace that was portrayed.

b) Revision on Crazy Love... I like the online video segments. Francis Chan is a cool guy.

c) Josh and I went over to a friend's house tonight and watched the Ben Stein documentary Expelled. It was really interesting, and if you are into documentaries I would definitely recommend that you rent it/Netflix it/watch it online. The gist is that in the United States, academic freedom is being lost in the scientific community because of pressure to conform to the majority. Darwinian evolution has become the only acceptable origins of life theory and as a result, if you are a career professional in the scientific field and even mention Intelligent Design, you can lose your tenure or lose your grant funding or even lose your job. The whole argument of the documentary is not in support of ID but rather in support of the freedom for all ideas to be scientifically explored, not only ideas that fit in with what the humanist academic community deems worthy.

What was interesting to me is that the Darwinian evolution vs. ID debate isn't about science at all. It is intrinsically deeper and clearly an ideological and spiritual disagreement at its core. The arrogance and venom of some of the leading proponents of Darwinian evolution was astounding to me. One biologist named Richard Dawkins (who authored The God Delusion) argues vehemently against even a remote possibilty of any sort of deity existing that could be at all responsible for intelligently contributing to the design of human life. However, he asserts that the origins of human life could be attributed to aliens on other planets that could have evolved in such superior ways that they had the technology to "seat" human life on the planet Earth. (This, by the way, is the theory of Intelligent Design.) Aliens, but not God? Obviously, the issue is farther reaching than scientific evidence.

There was some interesting linkage to the Holocost and Hilter's obsession with enhancing natural selection by eradicating all "inferior" peoples. That could open up a whole can of worms, but the documentary handles it in a very realistic manner, not a sensationalist one.

Two thumbs up.

d) Biggest Loser. Vicki, the contestant who I really wanted to be voted off because she is mean and manipulates the game, managed to stay in the game even though she was up for elimination this week. I was disappointed to see Coleen go, because she was in it for her health, not the $25,000 grand prize. At least that's what she said.

e) America's Next Top Model is over... I don't know whether to be sad or glad, because I like the show but really I could spend that hour in a better way every week. Mckey Sullivan won, which was good, because she deserved it, I think.

So now it's coming on 2:00 a.m. and I think I should probably try to go to bed. What time should I wake up tomorrow? Let's take a vote and we'll see who gets closest to the time I actually roll out of bed.

Discoveries

I am definitely sitting here in my PJs freezing my butt off in the Worthy's basement because it's like 19 degrees outside. And I am listening to Christmas carols (currently one of my favorite versions of Winter Wonderland is playing, performed by Jason Mraz... it's fun, you should download it and by "download it" I mean pay for it, not steal it off of Limewire). And I am waiting for my bed to get warm, per my usual I'll-blog-while-my-electric-blanket-heats-up habit.

I have discovered/am in the process of discovering several things lately. I'm going to try to tell you about them, but I've had a headache since this afternoon (maybe the weather change?) so I'm not sure it's going to come out coherently but I'll proofread this tomorrow and make changes if necessary. So if this makes no sense at all, come back tomorrow.

Discovery #1: I am horrible at returning phone calls. If you have any sort of experience with this, I'm sorry. I would like to tell you that I'm going to get better at it, but it's not exactly in the top five priorities right now so that means maybe I'll start working on it in January when I make a new resolutions list and vow to be a better friend. Besides, it's genetic and it's hard to work against genetics.

Discovery #2: If I have a health problem when I'm an old lady and the doctor tells me I'll have to exercise if I want to survive, you might as well pick out my gravestone. I'm 23 and I can barely work up the motivation to work out now... I can't imagine how bad I'll be by 70.

Discovery #3: God has this absolutely insane love for me. As I said last night, I'm reading Crazy Love, newly gifted to me (awesome). I'm enjoying it although the writer keeps referring me to look at the book's website to watch videos that correlate with certain things, and I don't think I'm the target audience for that sort of thing. I'm one of those old-fashioned gals that actually enjoys reading... you know, the feel of a book in your hands, the smell of new pages, being able to get in a comfy chair and focus for a few hours without any interruptions. Being redirected to the website every ten pages is getting on my nerves. That said, I'm liking the content, and it's just resonating within me because it's echoing a message that God has been driving home lately... which is a) that He is HUGE, b) that He loves me more than I can imagine, and c) the magnitude of His love for me demands a response. I told Joshua tonight that I think that it's not that I'm apathetic to God's crazy love for me, I think it's that I've never really believed it. But I'm getting closer and closer to taking that head-long leap of complete abandonment into a crazy, infatuated love relationship with Jesus and it makes me... joyful. That's a new element in my spiritual journey, and it's one that I've been searching for and it makes me happy to have found it. True joy. Joy that wells up within from the mutual satisfaction of being completely, overwhelmingly desired and loved and giving myself entirely in love in return.

Discovery #3 is my favorite.

P.S. It was snowing today, but nothing stuck. I can't wait until I wake up one morning and everything is covered in white.

Miracle of miracles

Joshua and I seriously did bust out with Handel's Messiah today when we drove past this sign. He snapped a picture of it while I went inside the store to grab some supplies for Megan Monday. Have I told you all about Megan Monday yet? I cook every Monday night, and since alliterations are fun, we call it Megan Monday. Tonight was stuffed shells... a Worthy girls favorite. Is there anything cuter than a five-year-old looking up at you imploringly and asking, "Are you gonna make shells?" I think not.

I can't REMEMBER the last time gas was under $2.00 a gallon. I have no idea why the sudden drop in prices (just a month ago we had a gas shortage here and people were waiting in line for hours and paying upwards of $5.00 a gallon) but I'm not complaining.

I think that it's time for me to put all my Christmas tunes back on my iPod. I am a fan of shuffle, so I have to remove them after the holiday season because it irks me to have Winter Wonderland come on in May. But it's close enough to Thanksgiving that I think it's safe to add them back to the repertoire. Josh and I have been singing carols since August, anyway. We like the harmony parts.

New book: Crazy Love. I'm starting it tonight, so I'll let you know what I think.

'Till next time...

Peas and carrots.

Manly Movie Night II

In the middle of Braveheart with Josh and his roommate, Phil.

"They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

Love this movie.

Also, totally want to do an equitour of Scotland one day.

I haven't slept yet...

... so technically this counts as Saturday, November 15.

While my heating blanket warms up and gets my bed all cozy:

Somewhere in the world it is pineapple season, and that makes me very happy.
It might snow tomorrow, and it's definitely cold enough for it tonight, so I'm a-praying.
I am so dead tired, I can hardly keep my eyes open. Almost to the sandpaper stage, yum.
Today I made my first cake from scratch, a la the recipe on the back of the Hershey's cocoa box.
The Biltmore at Christmas time would be nice.
Sleep would be nice.

It's been like two minutes, so my bed is probably still like ice, but I can't wait any longer.

'Till tomorrow (later today), folks.

Well...

I don't have much to say tonight
and I'm busy
but I did go on a fabulous date
with ex-roommie, Michelle
:)

Feels like today

These are some of my favorite red things: strawberries, roses, toenail polish, autumn leaves, lipstick, marinara sauce, rubies, pashminas, and patent leather heels.

What are some of your favorite red things?

There are times when Josh calls me Girlfriendzilla. He calls me that when I have a knee-jerk reaction that is waaaaayy out of proportion and out of the norm for me. This morning was a Girlfriendzilla morning. Whooo eee.

Thankfully, he is a patient and kind and forgiving man.

But suffice it to say that today wasn't the best day.

It was, however, my friend Victoria's birthday. And I had already agreed to go out with her and some friends tonight. I wasn't in the best of moods when I left the house, especially because I was running late. By the time I got to The Lucky Otter for dinner (which is a very Ashevillian place) and I met up with everyone, I was in desperate need of a pick-me-up. What better way to lift your spirits than to celebrate someone else? It was a fun evening... good food, good friends... yay.

Now I'm off to bed. You should be, too. It's late.

$6.00 date

There's a new Regal Cinema opening up in Asheville (with stadium seating, ta da!) and the "official" opening is this Friday. But this Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday they showed older movies and tickets were $1.00. Popcorn also $1.00, as well as soda. So tonight Josh took me to the movies, which I consider special because he hates going to the movies, and we only spent $6.00. I skipped dinner so that I would be able to fill up on that buttery goodness called movie popcorn.

We saw WALL-E, which Josh missed when it was out earlier this year because he was in India at the time. It's a fun one, although not my Pixar favorite. Finding Nemo still reigns as #1 in my book.

The weeks are just flying by... this weekend is Josh's birthday, then next weekend Heather Heather will be here, then the following weekend is Thanksgiving weekend. Then just a few more weeks until Christmas, and then it will be 2009. Craziness.

I'm flying home for Thanksgiving on this really cheap airline called Allegiant and because it costs like $30.00 for a checked bag, I'm just going to try to survive with a carry-on. I notoriously overpack for every traveling occasion, so I have no idea how I am going to accomplish this. Any tips?

The Worthys have a group of people over and the kids are going crazy upstairs. I'm fully expecting Sammy to come crashing through the ceiling and land in a pile of dust on my bed any minute now.

A stolen meme

I stole this meme. But I had to do a meme. Because they are fun to do, and tonight I should do something fun because I am celebrating the victory of good triumphing over evil on Biggest Loser. Somehow along the way all the mean people in the house got lumped together on one team and they had been winning, which was killing me! Tonight, they got a big wake up call when one of their own was unexpectedly sent home. Now it's anyone's game. Ah, the wonders of reality television.

Seriously, though, one of the contestants acts in a particularly horrid manner, and I have to admit that it makes me laugh that the editors of the show chose to include some parts that depict her being utterly spiteful.

So onto the meme, stolen from Ms. Marie:

Round One

1. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Joshua... yay. :)

2. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Hmmm... celebrating Joshua's birthday this weekend; Heather Heather's visit; a trip home for Thanksgiving to see my family and Shell-Bell, my sister-in-love, who will be in Florida then; celebrating my two-year anniversary with Joshua by going to the new PF Chang's that's opening up down the street; Christmastime!

3. Who was the last person you called?
That would be Josh.

4. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Sleeping in my warm, snuggly bed.

5. What did you fear was going to get you as a child?
I can't remember. Guess it wasn't that scary.

6. When did you last see your mom?
In June! :( But I will see her very soon.

7. What are you wearing right now?
One of Josh's shirts and some Umbro shorts that I stole from Breanna a long time ago.

8. Where is your favorite place to be?
The right place at the right time. Otherwise, it would be impossible for me to choose.

9. Where is your least favorite place to be?
In rush hour traffic.

10. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
I'd like to bop around Europe for awhile.

11. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
I have no clue. Hopefully married and running after Jesus with reckless abandon.

12. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Josh doing a happy dance at the end of Biggest Loser.

13. What cities/towns/villages have you lived in?
All the places I've made my home...
. Tampa, FL .
. Wilmore, KY .
. Burgin, KY .
. Dade City, FL .
. Fort Pierce, FL .
. Orlando, FL .
. Fort Lauderdale, FL .
. Corinto, Nicaragua .
. Asheville, NC .

14. Are you a social person?
With close friends, yes. I don't do well with large groups of strangers, and even with my closest friends I still need alone time.

15. What do you like about winter?
. snow .
. hot beverages like apple cider and hot chocolate .
. winter wear .
. snowflakes on windowpanes .
. Christmas lights .
. breath that comes out in puffs of frost .
. carols, ornament-laden trees, and presents .
. using my electric blanket .
. pink sunrises reflecting on snow-covered mountain peaks .
. frozen ponds .
. made-for-television holiday movies .
. shopping at the mall .
. Pisgah National Forest covered in perfect white snow and icecicles .
. and much more .

Round Two -
Unconscious Mutterings:

I say … and you think … ?

Coverage :: news - thank God the election is over
Cynical :: most of the population
Gust :: of wind - soon it will be icy cold wind
Improvised :: Heather Heather and her amazing comedy skills
V :: Victoria's Secret - duh!
Guests :: The Red Rocker Inn in Black Mountain... it's a bed and breakfast and wonderful!
Brutal :: reality television
Grant :: LaFever - an old friend
Pull :: the trigger - yikes!
Streaming :: raindrops down my windowpane - it was more of something that I saw in my mind's eye rather than words I thought

Alright, I'm calling it a night. 'Till tomorrow, taters.

Miscellaneous Monday*

* Title stolen from Mrs. LC's blog.

In the office where I work (read: Bryan's office down the hall) there's a basketball underneath the desk that I roll around with my feet while I edit video. Every night when I sit down at the desk in my room to blog, I go to put my feet on a nonexistent basketball. I think I have one out in the garage and I might go bring it in just to keep underneath my desk for said purpose.

Mission accomplished. Except that it's a little flat. Easily fixed (said in a nonchalant British accent with accompanying hand wave).

Give thanks with a grateful heart...
Today I am thankful for:
Waking up in a warm, snuggly bed.
Chilly autumn air.
The opportunity to talk to God all day long.
Hot chocolate.
Airplane tickets to Florida for Thanksgiving.
A new journal, full of blank pages to fill.
Memories.
Anticipation.
Laughter, hugs, and kisses.
Yummy food to eat all day long.
Going to sleep in a warm, snuggly bed. :)

Think I might watch The Matrix tonight. I've been wanting to watch it again ever since I wrote The Vision post.

First, though, I am going to call Joshua Geiger and tell him goodnight.

Ciao, bellas.

P.S. Has anyone besides me noticed how the musical score from Gladiator is nearly identical to that of the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie?

Manly Movie Night

Tonight Joshua and I were bored, so we popped in Gladiator. Joshua is infinitely patient with me and will generally sit through my selection (for example, yesterday it was Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman). Tonight we went for something a little more manly. I love movies like Gladiator and Braveheart, although Josh makes fun of me because I close my eyes during all the gory parts. But it is the essence of the stories that I find moving.

Midway through the movie tonight, Joshua and I looked at each other and with a shame in our expressions we vocalized how grateful we were to be at home bored on a Sunday night instead of standing in the Colosseum ready to be executed by gladiators or eaten alive by lions. I marvel at the fact that sometimes I am hesitant to speak about my relationship with Christ when all I might have to suffer is rejection or someone's rudeness. The apostles were summarily exiled, beheaded, burned alive, crucified, or drawn and quartered. And countless disciples of Christ died in front of a Roman mob that was hungry for bloody entertainment. (Although, when I went to Italy in 2002 our tour guide denied that Christians were ever murdered in the Colosseum or something like that... bad PR, you know.)

I also marvel at the fact that in spite of this knowledge, I am still incredibly self-absorbed.

I've got Braveheart at the top of my Netflix queue because Josh has never seen it. I think the only two movies that have ever made me cry are Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ. I don't know if I'll get teary-eyed with this viewing, but it's a definite possibility.

Tomorrow's Monday. I'm excited for a new week. :) Fun things in store.

Today

This quote by Rich Mullins sums up my life today:

"I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want than take what you give that I need."

I'm ready to go to bed and wake up in tomorrow already.

The Vision

So this guy comes up to me and says "What's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this…

The vision?

The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.

You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.

They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil
and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision ?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers

choose to loose
that they might one day win
the great "Well done" of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don't need fame from names.
Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again:
"COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed.

Young people who beat their bodies into submission.

Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulfuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching. 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give. Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cozy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mold them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

inside.

On the outside? They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,

they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centers.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdos! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is His today. My distant hope is His 3D.

And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great "Amen!" from countless angels, from heroes of the faith, from Christ himself.
And He is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.






[Author unknown, although I think British]

Long day

Today was perhaps the most perfect autumn day yet. The weather is really warm (unusually, maybe?) and the full explosion of color has reached the city streets of Asheville. Everywhere you look there are crimson, orange, and golden leaves twirling off tree branches and swirling on the pavement. I crunched through quite a few today. I was sitting with some friends on someone's back porch praying today, and I couldn't bear to close my eyes. I'm not really one to close my eyes while praying anyway, but today I couldn't tear my eyes away from the wind and sunlight moving through the trees in the woods behind the house. It was breathtaking. Literally. Made me want to shout praise to God.

It has been a very long day for me, and I don't even really know why. My emotions have been rather topsy turvy lately and I am attributing it to being a woman. But it makes my days feel long.

So, I will leave you with a meme:

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Living free.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Bugs.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I deplore my fleshly self... there's a lot of bad traits that go along with that.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Indifference.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

I admire my brothers and sisters in Christ who are persecuted and killed for their faith and still stand firm through torture, pain, and death.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

The occasional massage or pedicure (just got one, as you might have noticed from the picture above). Probably eating out would be a better answer though, because I love to go to restaurants and I do that far more often.

7. What is your current state of mind?

Tired physically and emotionally, but hopeful.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

If political correctness is considered a virtue these days, I think that needs to be thrown out of the book.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

Usually when I'm embarrassed. But I get so incredibly convicted upon the spot that I have to confess right then. Which makes my embarrassing situation more embarrassing. So I avoid lying altogether.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My ridiculous complexion.

11. Which living person(s) do you most despise?

I don't. I dislike some. But I'm working on that.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Loyal love.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Trustworthiness and stalwartness.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

"Yo" after I finish a sentence, and I'm annoying even myself.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Jesus, and I actually mean that, although it sounds like a Sunday school answer. :)

16. When and where were you happiest?

I am very happy right now. For the past several years, I always had this nagging dissatisfaction that there was something more, that my life was meant to be something different. That feeling is gone now... replaced with excitement and hope.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I'd like to be able to play the dulcimer.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I'd be more disciplined.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I don't know what to answer for this one.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A cat. I'd like to lounge around on the deck all day stretching in the sun, then pretend I'm a lionness and stalk a squirrel. Then I'd like to come inside and allow people to pet me. :)

21. Where would you most like to live?

Here, Chicago...

22. What is your most treasured possession?

I think it might be some of my jewelry, or my journals, or my keyboard. I dunno.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Shame and condemnation.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

The one I'm doing now!

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

Hmmm... I'll have to ask around. Maybe my pointy nose?

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Vulnerability and loyal love.

27. Who are your favorite writers?

I think my two favorite fiction writers would be Ted Dekker and Francine Rivers.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Haddassah from A Voice in the Wind.

29. What is your favorite movie quote right now?

"What's the matter with you? Your life's going down the toilet!" - Moonstruck

30. What is your favorite blog to read?

Aaron's usually makes me laugh. I also like to read Elyse Sewell's, who is a model who was on America's Next Top Model, Cycle One.

31. What are your favorite names?

I don't have a list... not that close to baby world yet.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Injustice. Complacency. Nuts.

33. What is your favorite color?

Green.

34. What are you most looking forward to in life?

Transforming into the woman God created me to be, marriage, community, Jesus coming back.

35. What is your motto?

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Philippians 3:10-11

Perfunctory post

A moment in history:

Today, November 5, 2008...

A gallon of gas is selling for $2.25.
Barack Obama is the President-Elect.
Palestine is firing missiles at Israel and Hamas is claiming the Gaza strip.

Josh is singing, "It's the end of the world as we know it..." and he's making me laugh.

Election Day

Well, I haven't turned on the news tonight, so I have no idea who looks to be winning the election at this point. I have an inclination that it probably looks like Barack Obama.

But, tomorrow I will go to Google News and see who won. Or maybe I'll turn on the TV tonight if I just can't wait. But it might be kind of fun to let it be a surprise.

Which of you are glued to the TV tonight, and who is waiting for the morning? What's your election day style?

Some honesty for all of us Christ-followers out there

You know, when I started this blog, I tried to be careful about what I wrote. I wanted to cater my posts to a wide variety of people, but lately that idea just isn't working for me. I once read that if you are going to have a successful blog, you need to write to an intended audience. There are so many good blogs out there related to health, nutrition, and all sorts of other fun things, but I'm just not the girl who is going to write about them. I don't know who reads my blog aside from the people who comment, and I think that most of those people profess to be Christians.

I've taken to calling myself a "Christ-follower" instead of a "Christian." Today, "Christian" seems to be synonymous with "American," "good person," or "someone who goes to church once in awhile and says they believe Jesus is the Son of God." Dude, even the demons believe that. It's about following Christ. It's about letting him rule you, be your master. I bet something inside you just rankled when you read that. My flesh still rears its ugly head at those words of Lordship.

I've been studying the book of Philippians with some friends and today I ran across this: Many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven.

Paul of Tarsus wrote this letter, and in those sentences he was talking about Christians who lived lives of worldly indulgence. He said they were living as enemies of the cross of Christ. If you've ever had an encounter with Jesus of any magnitude, there has to be a part of you that at least cringes at the thought of living as an enemy to the One who let His skin be ripped off for you. Living like you hate Him, because that's how you feel about your enemy, right? Enemies are hated, considered with condescension and derision.

If I was the one reading this blog, I would be all huffy by now, especially by the line "lives of worldly indulgence." My huffiness would be caused by the fact that it bothers me when people try to squeeze all the joy out of life by considering some things indulgent that I consider fun, and also by the fact that something within me twinges at those Scriptures above. So first of all, let me say this: I am all about enjoying life. I love chocolate, movies, cute shoes, vacation, novels, restaurants, and international travel. Am I about to condemn the blessings God has given to us, especially as Americans? No. What I'm about to do is expand on the qualities of a Christian who is living as an enemy to the cross, so that we can all know what it might look like in our own lives.

They are destined for destruction. Well, that one seems self-explanatory.

Their god is their stomach. Or, in some translations-- their god is their appetite. What are your appetites? Money? Possessions? Self? The question that I read in a commentary really got me on this one... it was, "who do you serve first?" When I held myself up against that question, it is apparent that often I do seek to serve myself first before thinking about anyone else, or even Christ. I can so easily make self my god.

Their glory is in their shame. I really like the poetic sound of that. But boiled down it means, "they brag about shameful things." I started off by thinking "well, 'shameful things' is relative." But it's not. There's a standard. It's set in Christ, and there's no way around it. We may wheedle our way out of following it now, but there will be an account.

Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. You know, sometimes life is really stressful. Bad things happen, there are inconveniences, there is heartache and offense and hurt. Sometimes life is great! There are things to look forward to, trips to take, dreams to realize. But you know what is a reality check? The fact that we are eternal beings and every single person we encounter is an eternal being... that our lives here are a flickering shadow of what is to come... that there will be an account and a judgment before the Lord... that there is a spiritual battle going on all around us, and we are citizens of the Kingdom of God and we are a part of that battle whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.

If you are a Christian, Christ-follower, member of the Kingdom of God-- it's time to wake up. There is no more room for the apathy and complacency that has rooted itself so deeply within us. I say this all to myself, as well as to all of you.

The Holy Spirit has really been impressing upon me that we need to be prepared. We need to know the Word so that we might not be deceived. We need to pray. We need to intimately know Jesus, and learn to hear His voice.

Prepared for what? I don't know. He hasn't told me that part. Maybe within a few months of this post, it will be obvious. Maybe it will be years, or decades. It doesn't really matter. What matters is following Christ. To do that will cost everything. But it will be worth more than anything.

Thank God for Billy

I'm not sure if I have mentioned my thankfulness for Billy yet in the history of this blog. I think I might not have made it through college without Billy. I certainly would have failed my core requirements for math and science without his assistance. And he's still correcting me. :P

Daylight Saving Time. And supposedly it was created because of energy, not farmers. Fine.

I hate it when I'm wrong. It's just because I always think I'm right. It's part of my personality. If you don't believe me, you can consult my Meyers-Briggs personality description, which states it plain and simple. Of course, it adds that I usually am right, and I know it. Cheeky grin.

This weekend was my first Halloween in Asheville. I was actually downtown for awhile, which I will admit made me nervous on my way there. I hate it that I'm a fear-based person, but it's true. Generally, you are either a fear-based person or an anger-based person.* Both are debilitating if you let them rule. I'm learning to beat those fearful thoughts into submission. But Halloween was an incredible juxtaposition of my new nature in Christ and my flesh, duking it out within.

On Friday night I went downtown with some friends to spend two hours at the Prayer Gallery. There were a dozen of us or so and we worshiped, prayed for our city and for the lost, and declared the glory of Jesus-- that the enemy has been defeated, and that Christ made a public spectacle of him through His work on the cross (Colossians 2:15). The Holy Spirit was seriously revving within me as I prayed those Scriptures aloud, in the midst of a city glorifying darkness and a host of pagans celebrating evil in the woods around Asheville. It felt so good to declare God's victory! I left the Gallery feeling triumphant in Christ and unafraid.

Then I got home and realized I would be home by myself, and became a sissy and made Joshua stay with me until they returned.

Christ versus flesh. I haven't received a spirit of fear, but a spirit of adoption that makes God Almighty my Daddy. Somehow I thought Josh could protect me and the God that created the earth couldn't? Silly girl.

Oh, to grow in Him.




* this fact brought to you a la Mary, the therapist

Thank God for Daylight Savings Time

The reason that Daylight Savings Time exists is not that interesting to me-- so uninteresting, in fact, that the Queen of Trivia cannot remember it, aside from the fact that it has something to do with farming. However, this does not stop me from being inordinately grateful that it does exist and that every autumn there is one glorious night when I can catch an extra hour of sleep (or if I'm feeling daring, do something nonsensical with that hour because it's a freebie).

I have a lot of thoughts ruminating in my head that I'd like to blog about... but last night it was nausea and tonight it's just plain exhaustion that are keeping my mind from getting them out onto the page. Perhaps tomorrow I will try to blog earlier in the day when I'm on top of my game.

Tonight we had Skyline chili night at the Worthy household and most of the Highland staff came over to partake in this beloved tradition. It was my first time trying the infamous Skyline chili, which includes interesting ingredients like cinnamon, cumin, and bitter chocolate. 'Twas good, though altogether different from the Texas chili I'm used to. This chili had no beans, was served over spaghetti and is only complete with a liberal helping of cheese on top, plus oyster crackers.

Tomorrow is Sunday. I still have work to do before then. Better go. I promise future blog posts with some actual substance soon.

Okay...

So I had a really interesting post that I wanted to write this evening, but I currently feel like I am about to vomit (which is either due to exhaustion or an overabundance of pizza consumption) and so I need to go hang my head over the toilet and/or go to bed. We'll see which works.

Till tomorrow, folks.

L'chaim... or to Jesus?

Sometimes I am just absolutely stunned by all the blessings God has lavished upon me.

When was the last time you took a minute to just think about that?

I look around my bedroom right now and I just see the evidence of God's blessing and abundant provision in my life. Considering all that I have, I realize that I am so materially wealthy and also very blessed in ways immaterial. I see pictures of trips to D.C., Italy, Chicago, Savannah, England, Scotland. Photos of my family, friends, and beautiful landscapes that I have had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon. A keyboard and the ability to craft melodies that express emotion and set my heart free. A closet full of clothes to not only keep me warm but also keep me looking somewhat fashionable. A chest full of jewelry, two bins full of shoes-- including one hot pair of red patent leather heels. Books, movies, music... warm blankets and feather pillows... a kitchen full of food upstairs and money on my desk to go get my hair cut tomorrow. So much!

Shannon (the pastor at Highland) posed this challenging question last Sunday, referring to our relationship with Jesus: are you in it for God's blessings, or are you in it for God? Meaning, is my spirituality about wanting an escape from hell, wanting God to make my life easier, wanting God to give me more good stuff like I mentioned above? Or is it about wanting to know God and love Jesus? To examine my heart truthfully in light of that question made me squirm a bit, I'll be honest.

My heart truly longs to love my King for who He is, and not for His gifts. Although I am very appreciative of them, and I am planning to enjoy my haircut tremendously tomorrow. ;) But I think I will ponder throughout my Friday what exactly it means to pursue my God solely for the sake of knowing Him.

Time flies

I don't know where 2008 went. I can't believe that October will be over in two days and in less than a week we'll know who our next president is. If life is passing this quickly and I'm only 23, I don't want to imagine how it will fly by when I'm 40.

Since the reinvention of my life and the decision to stay in Asheville, I think that October has proven to be the hardest month. There has been more crying, more stress, and more emotional wreckage this month for some reason. I think that it is a hard month anyway... lots of dark spiritual activity in these parts before Halloween.

I am tired and I'm wrestling between wanting to soldier on and push past the pain and tiredness, and wanting to give myself some time for rest and rejuvenation.

Thoughts?

Snow in October?

Snow in October?

View from my bedroom window

Kristie snapped these photos when I was at staff meeting this morning. Can you believe it snowed?! It's October!

Busy day

sleeping in, check
banana bread, check
mulled apple cider, check
homemade chocolate chip cookies, check
watching autumn leaves fall off the trees, check
fettuccine alfredo, check
quality time with K-Smeltz, check

also

hike up Lookout Trail to a beautiful panoramic Blue Ridge mountain view, check
a rousing game of Scattergories, check
surprise visit by Katie, check
viewing of Juno, check

It's been a busy day and I'm off to bed. Later taters.

Mission accomplished

Kristie has come to visit me for a few days, yay! We jumped right into carving pumpkins this afternoon. I had never carved a pumpkin before, so today was a day that I got to check off "carve a pumpkin" from my list of New Year's resolutions and life ambitions. Together with Kristie, Joshua, and three of the Worthy girls, I spent a good two hours on the front porch scooping out pumkin guts and carving out designs. Josh and I shared a pumpkin and he carved a claddagh in one side and I went with the classic Jack-o-Lantern look on the other. Kristie went for a Dracula feel.

Tomorrow should be full of good things... sleeping in, banana bread, pedicures, maybe a drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway, making mulled apple cider and homemade chocolate chip cookies (Kristie's gonna teach me to do it right), watching autumn leaves fall off the trees, fettuccine alfredo a la Megan Monday, Bible study, and quality time with one of my best girls, K-Smeltz.

Kristie's Dracula on the left, my Jack-o-Lantern on the right.

Joshua's claddagh carving.

Saturday bliss

Sometimes, Saturdays are bliss.

I have decided that Saturdays will be my sabbath. Literally, my day of rest. I think that traditionally Sunday is the sabbath, but on Sundays I still feel like I'm working because of everything going on at the church. So I have designated Saturday as my do-nothing day.

Not that today was uneventful.

I slept in until a glorious 10:00, only mildly disturbed by an arguing Emma and Amanda in the den outside my room, no doubt fighting over whether they should watch Hannah Montana or Goosebumps.

I went for an hour-long walk with Nikki, who took me on a tour of Biltmore Park with all the swank houses and beautiful views of the mountains. So many gorgeous trees. I picked a leaf for Joshua, the most perfect one I have seen all season. Nikki also graced me with a check so that I can get my hair cut at Carmen Carmen. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

I went over to Grammy Doris' house for lunch and some quality time with my man. We made it through a half-hour of Nintendo before I ordered Joshua off to take a nap and I settled in with The Oath, a Frank Peretti novel that I haven't read in probably ten years. Also did laundry, but laundry is the easiest of all chores to do, so it shouldn't even really count as a chore. (Joshua needed a nap, by the way, because he is currently working the 4:30-12:00 shift at Target. That would be the 4:30 a.m.-noon shift, folks. Yikes.)

I woke Joshua up and we headed over to our friends' house for dinner. Dan and Deb are an awesome couple we met at Highland and clicked with right away. Deb made us homemade chili and biscuits and hot apple cider, and then after dinner we settled in the living room for an evening of eating cookies (break n' bake, Aaron) and playing Catch Phrase. It was good food, good fun, and good company. The perfect ending to my blissful Saturday.

Then there was the encore of flirting with my boyfriend as he dropped me off at home.

Saturday bliss.

Feels like Friday

I changed my Facebook settings to Pirate today and now everything is translated into pirate speak. Ahoy, mateys!

Just got home from a "masquerade" party with Joshua (where he totally dominated the poker table-- too bad it wasn't for money, we could use it) and I am t-i-r-e-d. It was good to see everyone though and hang out and play games and laugh and talk and just enjoy each other's company on a Friday night. Fridays are good days. Even with my new schedule working for the church, I still like Fridays. Fridays have a certain feel. You know when you are working that if you can just make it until 5:00, good things await. At the Worthys house, Little Caesar's pizza always awaits, and I'm all about that. Plus Joshua and I usually get to watch half a movie with them before we leave for the Prayer Gallery, which is also fun. Tonight's movie was the latest Indiana Jones flick and we accidentally got sucked in and were late to the Gallery.

I think that Jesus is coming back soon. I mean I really do. Before this season in my life, I never really thought about it. I thought, there have been thousands of Christians in the generations before me who thought Jesus would come back in their lifetime and He didn't. Why should my lifetime be any different? But it is. People are dreaming dreams. Having visions.

In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.

If I actually take the time to think about what that means, it makes me want to drastically alter some things about my life. Isn't it interesting how easily we are sucked into complacency and distracted by worthless things? Who was it that said that our lives are frittered away by detail?

What would you do if you knew that Jesus was coming back in, let's say, five years?

• × • MY | T H O U G H T S • × •

RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT
I know that God is taking my life on a very grand adventure.
I want to go to bed.
I have a stomach full of beef stew and Oreo cookies. Mmmmm.
I wish that Joshua and I could go on a date.
I fear nothing at the moment.
I hear the sound of true freedom calling, and I love it.
I search for time to spend chewing on Philippians before Monday night's Bible study.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

I was just looking at my old blog on LiveJournal and I am amazed at what God has done in my heart and in my life over the past year. Even when I was clueless, He was taking me along a path to lead me here to this moment and this time... and even now He is taking me along a path to arrive somewhere else when He designs. It's an amazing thing. I am excited to be a part of His kingdom and I want to be the person He wants me to be.

How we live it

I am sitting here in my bedroom and I've already got the electric blanket heating up to get my bed nice and cozy and warm. Yes, it is October 22 and any true northerner will look at me like I'm crazy for the fact that I already have my heating blanket out, but I'm from Florida and to me, a night that's gonna be in the 30s is cold.

I think that one of the tragedies of living in our day and age is that we are so ridiculously overstimulated, and possibly overconnected. We are also amazingly sedentary. All of this makes our schedules jam-packed with things that could be avoided if we would just simplify, or if we went back to an old-fashioned way of life. For instance, my brain cannot quiet down tonight because this week I have read at least ten major international news stories that are troubling to me, gone to a presentation on human trafficking and the sex industry, started a biography on Mother Teresa and another nonfiction work on Celtic Christianity, read over ten different blogs with topics ranging from politics to health issues, read an email inbox full of correspondence awaiting my reply, tackled serious issues of the Kingdom in multiple small group settings, tried to balance working for Bryan with volunteering my time elsewhere, spent quality time with Joshua, enjoyed nature, crammed in exercise, received a pile of letters which I really want to respond to, done chores (although I've forsaken laundry), watched some television, commented on people's Facebook pictures or profiles in order to keep relationships alive, called my family and friends who live elsewhere, blogged every day, composed a new piece on the piano, and spent time with the Lord Almighty. Maybe someone somewhere is impressed by this list, but frankly, I am not. I am exhausted. And there is still more that I wish I could be doing.

Supposedly life is all about balance?

I long for a simpler day and a simpler way of doing life.

We have invented phones, cars, palm pilots, Blackberrys, iPhones, computers, microwaves, and a million other gadgets to make life easier, more efficient, and faster. But maybe we've sped up too much.

For spring break of my junior year of college, I went to stay in a cabin in the woods of western North Carolina for a week. There was no cell phone reception. There was no internet. I think the television had one fuzzy channel. There was a porch, a view, and a fireplace. There were about twelve of us there, and we had nothing to do but cook meals and eat together, talk together, play board games together, and stargaze together. The days passed by so slowly at first that I didn't know what to do. But it was the most refreshing, enjoyable vacation that I think I've ever had.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a farmer. I wouldn't have to cram in an hour or more of exercise every day because I'd be burning calories all day in the fields. I wouldn't have to set aside time to enjoy nature, because I'd be outside all day.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to be internet and cell phone free. I wouldn't be able to fritter time away by stalking people on Facebook (maybe, I would actually visit them or write them a letter to see what's going on in their life instead of surmising it through their latest photo album). I wouldn't have the pressure of having to be constantly available by email or phone. Have you noticed how annoyed we all get when someone doesn't answer their cell phone when we call them? It used to be that if you called someone's house phone and they didn't answer, they weren't home. Now, everyone is expected to be at everyone else's beck and call every moment of the day.

Is the accessability of information good for us? Of course it is, in some ways. It is good for accountability, for cooperation, and for education. But I have found that it might just be too much for me. The speaker at the human trafficking presentation I went to tonight described something he called the "paralyzation of despair." I read these international news stories of crisis after crisis in India, Georgia, Iraq, Zimbabwe and that numbness seeps over me. It's too big. There is so much pain, so much suffering, so much abuse in the world. What am I, sitting in my comfy office chair in Asheville, North Carolina, going to do about the 25,000 children in the world that died of starvation today alone? How can I possibly help?

There are so many causes to plead. There is hunger, education, sex trafficking, poverty, clean water, genocide, child soldiery, civil war, disease... and then of course there is the matter of the spiritual lives of all of these people. I desperately want to do something to help in all of those situations. But I'm one person. When I try to look at all of that, I become overwhelmed and the paralyzation of despair overtakes me and I am left sitting in my office chair in a stupor until I click over to Facebook and see who has gone on vacation in the Bahamas this week.

Of course, I'm a hypocrite. Without the internet, I wouldn't be lambasting its evils on this blog. I suppose the point that I'm trying to make is that we have to choose. I think that the people that really made big differences in the world gave their all to one cause. William Wilberforce. Martin Luther King, Jr. Mother Teresa. As much as I want to be about remedying every evil there is, I think that if I'm going to overcome the paralyzation of despair and move into action, I'm going to have to choose one and focus on it. I'm also going to have to choose what to do with my time, and not expect myself to be Wonder Woman.

Maybe it's okay to be slow? To simplify?

I will have to let this ruminate in my brain a bit more... perhaps at an earlier hour when I am capable of processing my thoughts a bit more clearly... and let you know what I've decided to change in my own life, if anything.

Oh, if only I could forsake sleep altogether and do everything I wish to do!

Choices

Vicki on Biggest Loser is one of the most sinister people I have ever seen on a reality television show. It is seriously creepy.

Today was a hard day for me. I struggled a lot this morning, and I am coming to realize that this season in my life is difficult in a different way than I expected it to be. For instance, I expected that being financially poor would be very difficult on me emotionally. Surprisingly, this has been one of the least difficult areas for me to surrender and come to terms with. Today at staff we had to answer the question "what was the last thing you bought for yourself?" and I honestly could not remember. Other than eating out, I haven't bought any material item for myself in months. Finally I remembered that the last thing I bought was in July when I got a dress to wear when I picked up Joshua in Atlanta when he got back from India at the end of the summer. July. Seriously? Really, I haven't even missed the spending (although, as you can tell by my October 15 post, I do have days when I get the "I wants" and I get huffy over not having any cash flow). The main thing I'm jonesin' for these days is a good haircut, and I know the salon I want to go to and I'm just waiting for the money to come in. See? I'm waiting for the money to come in. My entire attitude has changed in these past three months. I have come to the wonderful revelation that it is all God's money and when He sees fit for me to have $35.00 for a haircut, it will somehow arrive in my wallet. In the meantime, I remind Him every so often that I really would like one. You would be amazed at how God honors such honest conversation, especially when I am willing to accept that I must wait.

Emotionally difficult, however, is navigating the waters of vulnerability and interpersonal relations. I find myself in a new circle of people, and we are starting to connect in friendship and partnership in the Gospel. Part of my personality type is that I am very guarded with my heart of hearts; very choosy about who I expose it to. Mary reminded me tonight that Jesus is the one who guards my mind and heart. I pointed out that He sometimes allows things to hurt it.

Yes, He does. And I think I have realized one of His reasons for that. In the past year I've spent in Asheville, I've noticed a method of Jesus. He exposes one wound at a time in my heart, and if I will let Him, He heals it. The healing method is painful and goes something like this: First, the wound is exposed and the scab is ripped off. Our immediate reaction is to recoil and try to conceal that wound and stuff it back down into oblivion. But if we are obedient and faithful to His pursual, He essentially pours rubbing alcohol (truth) all over it and it hurts like crazy. I mean, gut-wrenching, sobbing pain. But then the wound stops festering, and then it begins to heal. And then you look at yourself, at others, at life, and at God in a whole new way. The right way. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. So if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.

Basically, I have to choose. Choose vulnerability, choose opening myself up to the people around me, and yes, even to pain. But once I am healed I can stop looking at myself, trying to guard my heart and my wounds all the time, and I can begin to look outward. Out to what God is doing in the world around me. And if I'm lucky, He'll let me be a part of it.