29 | 77

I have started at least three blog posts over the past few weeks, but my mind was too scattered. Big news: we moved! We are now making our residence in Florida, sharing a home with my mom and dad in the Tampa Bay area. We decided to make the move for varied reasons, but the main one being that with our growing family and Joshua looking ahead to graduate school, it would be a big help financially if we spent this season living with family. And having help close at hand when you have two "2-and-unders" is always a plus. I'm pretty sure my parents are already itching for a vacation. :)

Truthfully, though, Joshua and I are opposed to neither living in community (i.e. sharing a home) nor living with family. Many other cultures do this, and it was common in American culture until the past few decades. It was wiser for us not to get into a truckload of debt, but I think in the long run we will look back and believe it was wiser relationally for our family to make this choice. Multigenerational community is valuable. Sharing a home has a unique way of smoothing out our problem sin-areas like sandpaper has a unique way of smoothing a wood surface. Nobody likes the work of dealing with those personal rough spots but everyone appreciates the end result. A lot of people have asked, "How do you think it will be, living with your parents?" It's an interesting question to answer. I haven't lived with my folks for thirteen years and now I'm moving in with a husband and two children. A lot has changed; we have all  individually changed, that's for certain. My answer is that I think it will be just fine. I am looking forward to so many shared experiences and I am really happy that my kids will grow up in their young years having a close relationship with Nana and PopPop. 

I wondered if I would be really homesick for Asheville, but so far I've been too bewitched by Florida's autumn beauty. It is cool and wonderfully sunshiny. It is beautiful. And we've eaten at Sonny's BBQ almost ten times in the few short weeks since we've arrived. 

Someone prayed for us before we left that if we felt happy we wouldn't feel like it was "too soon." I really resonated with that prayer and was thankful for it. Our years in Asheville were such a wonderful time in our lives and the birth of our marriage and young family-- sometimes it feels disrespectful to not grieve appropriately for the loss. But I grieved a lot before we left; probably why I couldn't finish a blog post. I miss our friends and Christian and Michelle a lot. But I am embracing the surprising amount of joy that I feel in this new locale. Life is good.  

29 | 50

It's raining outside. A light rain, not a drenching one. Rainfall has to be one of my favorite sounds on the planet.

Life has suddenly gone from holding pattern to hectic. We planned on this move, but we didn't know when it would happen. Then, in the course of three days, Joshua applies for a job, receives a call-back and interviews, and gets offered the job on the spot. We've known it would be like this... when the time was right, God would line it all up and the starting gate would open and we'd run through it. But now that it's actually happening it's a little surreal.

We spent the day organizing our stuff, most of which is still in boxes from when we moved out of our condo in July. Joshua turned in his letter of resignation at ASH, we sold our washing machine, ran errands to tie up some loose ends. Throughout the day my mind kept coming back to different people that we do life with in Asheville, and it was sad. The hardest part about this move is leaving our community. We will miss the mountain views, and hiking and waterfalls, and the Asheville granola vibe that we've come to appreciate and embrace. But none of it compares to the people that have walked with us over the last almost-decade. It's hard to believe we've been here that long. It's the longest I've ever stayed in one place since my dad went to seminary when I was eight. Writing the letter to the Worthys last night that I posted on my blog took me down memory lane. This season of being planted in Asheville has been one where God rigorously tilled the soil of our souls. I really hope that this next season will bring forth some beautiful fruit.

I don't want to deny the sadness I feel about leaving, but neither do I want to dwell in the melancholy. So I'm heating up some butternut squash bisque and sourdough toast for dinner, and Joshua and I are going to put the kids to bed and snuggle under the covers and watch a movie while the rain pitter-patters on the roof overhead. One day closer to goodbye. One day closer to hello.

29 | 49 An Open Letter to the Worthys

Dear Bryan and Mary,

Mary exhorted me not to "hide my light under a bushel" and to write more, so I picked you both as my topic. You're a good topic, though. :)

It's been seven years now since I came to my first Highland gel group in the basement of your house. Back then I was Joshua's girlfriend, fresh from Florida with no winter boots or proper jacket. I think I was having anxiety attacks from being Michelle (then) Gambill's roommate because she had so many friends and I was feeling painfully overwhelmed about being in a new place where I knew no one except for the boyfriend I had only seen in person seven or eight times in the past year. I was ready for some counseling at that point, feeling that God had brought me to Asheville with the intent of healing some broken places deep inside, and Mary, you helped me dig into that. By the time Joshua headed off to India six months after I moved to Asheville, I really felt like you were one of the only people I was connected to at Highland.

I was so miserable that summer-- which I basically spent staying up until 3:00 a.m. in my apartment watching ER episodes and eating Ruffles and Ranch dip and then crying in the bathroom through half of my work day-- that I desperately wanted to move back home to Orlando, where I had friends and felt like I belonged. I remember distinctly walking into the Orange Peel the Sunday before we were to move back to Florida after Joshua got home from his mission trip, looking for you at the information booth and hugging you goodbye. I remember being at gel the night Bryan told me that I didn't have to go back to Florida, I could live with you all and help him with his work. Bryan, I'm still not sure why you said that. But I'm sure glad you did.

Then there was the non-move. These were the days when I prayed prayers that I now would not pray. (Lately I've been praying for large windfalls of cash-- is that bad?) "God, if we're not supposed to do this, please have our car break down." I was so stunned when it happened. I had thrown out a fleece and God answered by breaking down BOTH cars, a resounding "turn around" if I have ever heard one. Mary, you were out of town. I called Bryan. I didn't know what to say, so sitting in a Zaxby's booth I stared at my chicken fingers plate and blurted out the story. I knew we had to go back; I wanted to obey God, I was excited to obey God! But this was surreal. You guys were my only solid connection and the only ones who had offered an alternative for staying in Asheville. I can't remember what Bryan said, probably something along the lines of "come back, we'll get your stuff later." I know I stayed at Grammy Doris' house for the first few days... I can't remember when we had the conversation about me really coming to live with you. But it ended up happening.  

Mary, your faith and your openness have always amazed me. Bryan, you just taking it all in stride has always amazed me, too. I had no job, no money, no car, and a U-Haul full of stuff. You just invited me in and let me make my home with you. Mary, the only thing you said to me was "don't bring sin into my house." I'll always remember that. You asked me to make a list of my food preferences-- were you expecting what you got? Hope you still have that somewhere. You taught us how to drive stick shift in Little Red and didn't seem to mind the burned rubber tire marks leading up your driveway or the neighbors coming out to stare as we peeled out over and over again, trying to learn how to manage the clutch and gas at the same time. 

I was so overwhelmed in those days with battling my insecurities and imagined expectations. Bryan, you taught me to edit video which is such a valuable skill that I will always be thankful for. I was supposed to be your intern, which I think only amounted to me helping you at church on Sundays, haphazardly editing videos from the services, some random administrative stuff, and incessant fretting on my part. You let me work in your office and bumble my way through setting up your camera equipment when you could have done it four times faster than me. I battled my own demons in that role-- my insecurities constantly bombarded me; my lack of work ethic, which had yet to really be developed, stood out starkly when contrasted to yours; my struggle with lack of structure, which rendered me paralyzed at least half of the time. I often wondered in those days, "What's the point? I'm not really helping anyone." But as I reflect back on it now, I see how God was drawing things out in my life that He wanted to address. He's still working on these areas, but one of the greatest revelations I became aware of through that time period was realizing with terrible clarity exactly what my coping strategies were, and how harmful they could be. It was an invaluable lesson. 

Mary, do you remember helping Joshua arrange his marriage proposal at the Highland staff Christmas party? Bryan, do you still have that video somewhere? What a proposal. What a night! Then came the first production of Godspell. Joshua was part of the cast, and the rehearsals were long and intense. You were both involved, and I wanted to be a part, too. I remember coming to the first dress rehearsal where they did hair and make-up and mics and sound and wanting to find a place to fit in and be a help. I suck at doing hair. I could do make-up, and was excited to be a part of that crew, but Misty Miller was full-up already. I went outside and cried, feeling useless and left out and ridiculous. Mary, you caught me crying and somehow finagled me into becoming Bryan's assistant. That day, Bryan, you taught me how to duct tape mic packs and to properly place mics on faces; even though I once again felt out of my league and more of a hindrance than a help, you took me under your wing. Thank you.

Joshua and I were getting ready to get married soon after the production wrapped... and Mary, you helped us navigate some vital issues as an engaged couple. At some point, I prayed another one of those prayers... I remember speaking with Sherri about how I desired God to "fillet my heart." I believe those were my exact words. I wanted him to reach the core of me, to slice through everything to get at that part of me. It was a serious prayer. I meant it. I just had no idea what I was asking for. 

My first year of marriage filleted my heart. I was in pieces; it was dust and ashes. Could you tell? I mean, God answered my prayer. He allowed a sacred wound that ended up teaching me how to really love. I used to sob in church when we sang "You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of dust..." It was my anthem that I desperately hoped would prove true (it did). Living in your basement during that time was like being a baby bird trying out its wings in the safety of the nest. Joshua and I were falling apart and trying to put the pieces back together, but we were in a safe place. Remember that night at Applebees, when we interrupted your date night of drinks and (half price? or buy-one-get-one?) appetizers with our crisis of the hour? I was a snotty mess and Joshua was probably in a daze. I don't remember what you said that night, I just remember the feel of it. Calm. Peace. Acceptance. Encouragement. Lifting us up like Aaron and Hur held up Moses' arms.  

Godspell was still going on as we tumbled through our first year of "wedded bliss." I was thrilled when I got to be an understudy and perform in the show, but honestly, I think I enjoyed being the Mic Wrangler more than anything. That moment during one of the shows when Jason's mic went out during the Good Samaritan hand puppet scene and you told me in no uncertain terms I had to go onstage and fix it... "Me?!" "Yes, you!!! Go!" So much adrenaline and so much fun. The productions in 2009 and 2010 really solidified being part of our community at Highland, and at a time when we really needed community. All of those hours; all of the blood, sweat, and tears... it made us a family. We belonged, and that was really important. 

We settled into life in your house and we began to heal. Those were the days of Megan Mondays and running the girls to and fro and staring at the tree outside of your dining room table as it changed through the seasons. We hosted our first family Christmas in your house while you guys traveled to Kansas and Missouri. We sang Disney songs and danced around the kitchen, and spent countless hours making a mess in there when we went on the Paleo diet. We tried to garden but found out that I really hated weeding so it was a bad idea. We worked at Biltmore and then at Mission; Joshua went to school and then went to school some more. We took the girls blueberry picking and carved pumpkins on the front porch, and played Guitar Hero (every time I hear Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" it brings me back) and the original Nintendo. We had pizza and movie night with you all and acted like crazy people trying to do jumping jacks during all the commercial breaks during Biggest Loser. You let me take up space on the DVR. We laughed together and cried together (well, Mary and I cried together). You grafted us into your family with nothing but grace. 

We got pregnant. Surprise! We told you right away, and then I quickly devolved into a puddle of morningsickness that never wanted to leave the bedroom. Oh, how I would love to be that self-indulgent once again! Remember the day after the very last show of Godspell when I started spotting and my midwife sent me to the hospital? I was so scared that I was going to miscarry. I remember Bryan standing in the doorway of the open garage, watching as my parents who were in town visiting helped me into their car to take me up to Mission. Mary, you came and sat in the waiting room for a long time that day. Thank you.

During my second trimester, we started looking for our own place, although you assured us that there was room for a baby if we wanted or needed to stay. We moved out in May and Aidan was born that August. My labor and delivery was stressful and frightening with an emergency induction and Mary, you came up to my hospital room and held my hand and spoke Scripture over me. It was perfect and just what I needed at that time. 

You rejoiced with us when Aidan was born. You were our first ever babysitters for him, because you were a part of our family. Bryan somehow became Aidan's "manny" for awhile when I had to go back to work. He still loves you, though he's more shy about it now. Even in church today, he insisted on "go see Bryan!" I'm not sure what you did-- did you ply him with M&Ms? Maybe you're just the baby whisperer. 

Aidan's birth and our moving into our own space was a significant point in our marriage. Joshua and I really had regained our footing and entered the "honeymoon" stage that we missed out on during our turbulent first year of marriage. Our community changed after we went to the Grey Eagle during its launch year and were part of the zillion couples who were pregnant together, and we didn't see you all much. Your girls grew, too, and life got busier. It was sad, but it was a normal part of life changing, and we enjoyed the season we were in. 

Now, we're starting a new season, and it's not the kind where we will just be able to pop by the house or catch up in the back at church on a random Sunday. I will miss you guys not being near. But you are forever near in my heart. You can call me anytime and ask for whatever you need, and I will do my utmost to help you. I will not forget the lessons God taught me during the years we spent under the same roof. If I do happen to forget, you have permission to remind me. The beautiful part for me is realizing that no matter what distance exists between us, the relationship is there, and will be into eternity. I love you both.

Megan

Here are some of the lessons I learned while living in your house:

God is my provider. A home. Three vehicles. Jobs. Schooling. Countless "wants" and "needs." Community. Family.
Call before you dig.
Go to people's parties when you are invited.
Do not kill a pregnant spider. 
Do not use cast iron on a glass stovetop. 
Do not plant a garden when you aren't committed to weeding. (This has many philosophical as well as literal implications.)
Work hard.
If you say you'll do it, do it. 
Feel the fear and have faith anyway.
Tell your story.
It's kind to do someone else's dirty dishes. Especially when it's the popcorn maker.
Even if it's the worst you imagine, God will see you through.
Marriage is hard but good.
Make sure you know that risky days really are risky when using natural family planning.
Grace and longsuffering -- you guys modeled it beautifully. 
Pray and ask before you try to work it out all on your own. God might say, "Why, yes! Here you go!"
It's okay. 

Here is a lesson I hoped you learned while I lived with you:
Do not use the last of Megan's ketchup.  

29 | 37

This song is my anthem right now. It says everything I want to and musically it has the kind of composition that I find moving. Makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs. It's my anthem because it draws me back to what's important, what matters... in this world of overstimulation and everything competing for my attention, this song instantaneously zeroes me back to the point of my existence. And gives me goosebumps to boot. :) 

29 | 32

We transitioned Aidan to a "big boy bed" this week after I found him like this when I went to get him up from naptime one day:

Mommy was not pleased.

Aidan has done pretty well with the transition. We converted the crib to a twin bed that is low to the ground, but unfortunately doesn't have side rails. He's managed to fall out one time so far, but that's not so bad, I guess. And he seems to be enjoying his new found freedom of being able to get out of bed when he wakes up. This has not been so fun at 5:30 a.m. 

Today Michelle was over during Aidan's naptime. We were enjoying the cool weather on the back porch when all of a sudden we start hearing honking, like someone's car alarm going off. It starts, and then stops, and then starts again. Suddenly I realize Aidan has gotten out of bed and has found one of our sets of keys and is pushing the panic button. Sure enough, I run in the house and there he's standing in the dining room holding Michelle's keys. We promptly put them somewhere out of his reach.

About ten minutes later, the doorbell rings. Michelle and I both went to the front door to see who it was; when we opened the door it looked like a repairman had come to call. But the guy just said, "Wanted to let you know your truck is open, too." Apparently he had been around for the car alarm show. I smiled and said, "A toddler found the keys." He said, "I heard the trunk release clicking over and over again... I wondered what was going on." Ha!

29 | 29 Eliada Home Corn Maze

This Saturday we celebrated toddler friends Maggie, Davok, and Rowan's second birthdays at a party at Eliada Home Corn Maze. It really felt like the first day of fall. The air was cool-- Aidan had to don a sweater that I brought just in case... that fit him last year but was laughably small this year. He's grown so much! Eliada Home is set in the countryside just outside of Asheville proper, and the scenery is beautiful. Blue sky, green fields, pumpkins and hay dotting the landscape... autumn has arrived.

View from Eliada Home

It really is a great place to take young kiddos... There is the large corn maze, a mini hay bale maze for toddlers and young kids, a "spiders web" made out of rope to jump on, a "corn box" (a giant sand box filled with corn kernels instead of sand), corn hole, big tube slides down the biggest hill on the property, a hay ride behind a big tractor, and a "cow train" (a tractor pulling a train of carts painted like cows. We didn't go in the large corn maze (except when the hay ride took us through part of it), but we did all of the other activities which Aidan loved. He is at a perfect age for it, and it is just fun to watch him have so much fun. Joshua was working so I took the kids to the party by myself. It was an overwhelming prospect, but everyone else there was so helpful. Aidan was dying to ride the cow train, but I couldn't go with him. I strapped him into the seat and told him he was not allowed to stand up, but I was still really nervous, imagining him standing up and toppling out and getting run over by the rest of the train. I think Darren could see my unease and so he offered to walk beside the train the whole way. I was really relieved and took him up on the offer; he definitely got his exercise in for the day (he had to walk at a pretty fast clip and he was carrying Kaden in the Ergo!). Other moms and dads helped me keep track of Aidan and get him from point A to point B many times. It is lovely to have such a great group of friends.

Aidan and Davok figuring out the hay bale maze

After the party was over and the kids had wrung as much fun out of the place as possible, a group of us headed to Denny's for dinner. Joshua met us there after his shift at the hospital was over. It was seven adults and six children ages two and under... I'm sure we made quite a sight; with all of our high chairs and car seats we probably looked outnumbered! But kids eat free until 10p on Saturdays at Denny's, so you know we couldn't pass that up! Despite being plenty dirty and thoroughly tuckered out, the kids were really well-behaved and gobbled up as many chicken tenders as we could put on their plates.

A really fun day... we had the same birthday party there last year for the first birthdays of Maggie, Davok, and Rowan and it was fun to see how much the kids have grown and how many new babies have arrived since then! A new little brother or sister is in the picture now for Aidan (little sister Maddie), Davok (little brother Kaden), Rowan (little sister Ryleigh), and Maggie (baby Cates due in December!). Baby boom! Wonder what it will be like this time next year... :)

29 | 25 Tom's Creek Falls

Maddie Grace is so cute. How are babies so adorable? Just walked into the other room where she is napping to check on her and my heart melted. One simple movement of changing positions as she sleeps and I'm a complete goner. Man, oh man.

Yesterday we went hiking again, this time out to McDowell County to the Falls Branch trailhead in Marion. It's a short trail, less than a mile, to Tom's Creek Falls, which neither Joshua or I had hiked to before. It's a hefty drive out there (an hour and a half) but it's a beautiful drive over the escarpment that rises between Old Fort and Black Mountain. (There's that word again... Joshua says it's one of my new favorites.) The trail to Tom's Creek Falls is one of the easiest around; the forest service has done a good job with clearing the path and even built a bridge to cross the creek at one point. Halfway up the trail the ground starts to sparkle... thin pieces of mica are all over the place. Turns out there's an old mica mine entrance across the creek from the falls; we explored that, too!

Tom's Creek Falls

Aidan hiked the whole trail up to the falls on foot (rode in the pack on the way back to the car; man, he loves that thing). Joshua taught him how to use a walking stick which was super cute.

Aidan and his walking stick

Sadly, the trail and the base of the falls were the most littered I have ever seen any part of Pisgah National Forest. There were plastic bottles and trash everywhere on the trail... in fact, when we first spotted the mica we thought it was pieces of plastic. Someone even abandoned a tent near the falls. It was sad. But the falls themselves are beautiful. You can see them through the trees as you ascend the trail.

Can you spot the waterfall through the trees?

At the base of the falls is a small pool that's perfect for wading (especially for toddlers!). You can climb the rocks and explore a bit closer if you're daring. Joshua and Aidan did that part while Maddie and I watched from solid ground.

Hiking buddies again!

We had a picnic lunch there and then hiked around the surrounding area, and some locals came up to the falls as we were leaving and offered to show us the "cave." Just a few careful steps over the creek opposite the falls and there's a short trail that immediately takes you into the mountainside. Rock walls climb 50 feet on either side of you and then there is the mouth of the mine. It's filled with water and seems to be really deep. The guy that led us there said that divers went in one time and couldn't find the bottom.

The old mica mine entrance

On the way home we looked up what mica is used for and found out that it is used for a ton of things! Joshua guessed makeup, and that is one of its uses. The sparkle in your blush and eyeshadow is from ground mica. I didn't know it, but these mountains have been mined for many substances, especially in the area we were in.

It was a fun day and I would recommend the falls for families with young children and for bringing out-of-town visitors to if they aren't up for a lot of exertion but still want to see some waterfalls. Feels a little more legit than just driving up to Looking Glass Falls and parking the car to get out and look, but it's not difficult by any stretch.

Today we've stayed home. Sweet and somber day-- anniversary of 9/11 and all the thoughts that accompany that... and a nice quiet day spent making batches of soup and freezing them for the coming autumn. Today I've put away chicken noodle, garden vegetable, leek and potato, and curried butternut soups. My version of harvest, I guess. :) 

 

 

 

29 | 22 Gorges State Park

Today I woke up and wanted to go to Gorges State Park. It's quite a way's away in Transylvania County and the weather outside looked gray and dreary, but I've been reading these novels set in the time period just after the Revolutionary War that take place in Western North Carolina/Tennessee and I wanted to go to the visitor's center at Gorges because they have a great display on the early settlers and Cherokee history of the area. It's a long drive (about an hour and a half from South Asheville) and so we decided to tack on some hiking at Gorges to make it worthwhile. When Joshua first moved Asheville he went waterfall sliding at Turtleback Falls. We've been trying to find it ever since, to no avail. The old parking spot was closed off and you have to access it through Gorges now. Through some Google searching, we figured out that it was just past Rainbow Falls, also accessed through Gorges. So we set off on the Rainbow Falls trail after spending some time at the visitor's center. 

Aidan was excited to go on a hike... he didn't care for the long car ride overly much. We let him walk (read: run and trip and run and trip) at the beginning for awhile, but thankfully brought the hiking backpack with us since we didn't check the mileage for this hike before we started. It ended up being 4 miles total and we were exhausted by the end of it!

Maddie and I were hiking buddies today.

The hike started off easy enough within Gorges; the path was well-marked, graveled, and mostly downhill. About half-way in you leave Gorges State Park and enter national forest (I'm thinking Pisgah?). Right after that the trail forks and if you take the path to the right, it will lead you to Rainbow Falls. At this point the hike becomes more strenuous-- the path is more natural and there are also a lot of steep climbs including stairs. We aren't in very good shape these days and we were certainly huffing and puffing along. But we made it!

We made it to Rainbow Falls!

Rainbow Falls

The view certainly was beautiful, and the mist rising from the falls was nature's AC. Only 0.2 miles further and we reached the elusive Turtleback Falls, where we stopped to have a snack and enjoy the view.

Turtleback Falls

The hike out always seems shorter than the hike in, but somehow it still managed to seem that we were climbing uphill both ways. That could be possible since we were hiking along the ridge of the Eastern Continental Divide. Also learned about the WNC escarpment today, which is what creates so many waterfalls in the area. 

We arrived back to the parking lot sweating profusely and red in the face, and a young woman came bounding up to us and said, "Did you go to Turtleback Falls?" We answered yes and she asked how far of a hike it was. We told her it was four miles round-trip, which took a bit of explaining as she thought the trail went in a circle... then she said, "Four miles isn't bad, this guy we were talking to made it seem like it would take like an hour to get out there!" We had been on the trail for three hours. So I said, "It will take you an hour, at least..." Joshua went on to explain that the trail was steep and somewhat difficult, but she was not to be dissuaded. She asked me if we swam at the falls, which I said no to because the water was flowing so forcefully today. If you are from WNC, you would have gathered by now that a) this is not an easy hike, b) this is not a quick hike and c) the water is not the most suitable for swimming today. But she turned around and said to her mom and dad, climbing out of the car, "If they can do it with two kids strapped on, we can do it!" Overweight Dad lit up a cigarette as Mom commented that they didn't bring any water. As Joshua and I put the kids back into the car and prepared to leave, I said, "Don't think the dad's going to make it very far today." Joshua said, "They aren't from around here." Sure enough, I looked over to their vehicle to check the license plate... Florida. Wonder how far they made it!

It was a wonderful day for our family, even though I'm sure we'll have sore muscles tomorrow. I'm happy we finally found Turtleback Falls again! Love the Blue Ridge.

29 | 18 Chicken Fried Rice

Tonight I tried my hand at something new in the kitchen... Chinese-style chicken fried rice. I don't have a wok so I used more pans that it should've required and made quite a mess. But the result was yummy!

Cast of characters:

- 2 chicken breasts
- 4 cups cooked rice, day-old
- 1 bag frozen peas and carrots
- 1 small onion, chopped
- 1 large clove garlic, minced
- 1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
- 1 egg
- sesame oil
- Bragg's liquid aminos
- brown sugar
- 1 Tbsp. butter

The process:

I started off by melting 1 Tbsp. butter and some brown sugar and Bragg's in a non-stick pan. When it had melted into a liquid, I added the chicken breasts and cooked them over medium-high heat until almost cooked through. Next time I'll make sure they're done before I take them off. In a clean pan I cooked the garlic, onion, and bell pepper in 1 Tbsp. of sesame oil over a relatively low heat since sesame oil really isn't meant to be a cooking oil. When the onions were nicely browned, I removed the mix to a bowl and set aside.

Then I lightly beat the egg plus three drops of Bragg's and a Tbsp. of water and poured into the pan that was still greased with sesame oil. I swirled the pan around to coat with the egg mixture and waited until the egg started to puff. Then I flipped the egg over to cook on the other side and when done removed from the pan to a cutting board. Since my chicken wasn't all the way done, I heated some grapeseed oil in the pan and finished cooking it over medium high heat, adding some garlic salt and pepper. Then in a separate pan I heated more grapeseed oil and threw in the frozen peas and carrots. I let them thaw a bit and then added in the cooked chicken and onion mixture. I stir fried that for a few minutes, then added in the cooked rice plus at least 4 Tbsp. of Bragg's and more sesame oil. I just kept adding Bragg's and sesame oil until I thought the rice was the right color. I stir fried that all together for about five minutes. Finally I chopped up the cooked egg and added that into the mix and stir fried for an additional minute.

I ate it right away and thought it needed salt and pepper and was a little bland. But I came back for seconds about three hours later and found that the flavors had blended very well and it tasted really good. A super simple meal (especially if I had a wok!) and one I'll make again. Might add some bean sprouts next time... Yum. 

29 | 16 Buttermilk

My Facebook status says it all tonight:

Courtney: Does this have buttermilk in it?
Me: Yes. Just call me Buttamilk.

#AddictivePersonalityAtWork #GaveUpCokeTookUpButtermilk

29 | 15 Before I get too tired

There is an endless list of things to do each day, some items more pressing than others and all superseded by two precious and precocious children. Tonight I need to clean this house and do laundry and try to wrap my head around what the rest of this week is going to look like (especially while Joshua is at work) but first I just needed to sit down and write a little. And half of those things probably will not end up tackled at all before I fall into bed and my head hits the pillow.

Tonight I am thankful for friendships. We went over to Colton and Kim's this evening to have a Labor Day cook-out and it is a beautiful thing to just walk into a friend's home and make yourself comfortable on the porch with a beer in hand and pass babies around from person to person and let toddlers chase each other through the yard and down the hall. It's one of those moments in life where you've realized you've hit the sweet spot and you just wish you could freeze the passing of time and live it forever, just like this. Juxtaposed with that peace and contentment at the Kilgores' tonight was the sadness of watching the Hayes pull out of the driveway this morning and start their journey home to Kentucky. It's been a week of living in a house that's full of love and life and life-noises... laughter and chit-chat and dishes clanking and toddler giggles and guitars and singing on the back porch and music playing on the iPod dock in the kitchen and people moving up and down the stairs and in and out of the front door. It feels so lonesome and empty without them here now. Although I respect the sanctity of families and boundaries, I don't know why Americans insist on cloistering themselves away from the vibrancy of living in community. We're better together, people.

So I am thankful and sad-- thankful for this week with Michael and Jain and their kids in and out of the house, and thankful for times like tonight when we gather with friends and just enjoy the time being together; sad that the sweet spot isn't permanent this side of heaven and we only get to savor it temporarily and then live on the memory until the next time we happen upon it again. Gives us something to look forward to in eternity, though, doesn't it?

29 | 14

Last night I got to attend Ben and Chelsea's wedding out in Cane Creek. The venue was on someone's private property, and it was panoramic views of the sweeping valleys full of pastureland hidden in these ancient mountains. It was gorgeous. Their wedding was at 5:30 and the sun could've been blazing hot, but God blew some beautiful clouds over the sky and it was perfect. Their wedding photos are going to be amazing. 

Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to win the lottery or just be ostentatiously rich, and I think about the lavish parties/balls I would throw. I'd give all my guests money to buy ballgowns/rent tuxedos and I would provide food and entertainment and there would be lots and lots of dancing. Just so that people could feel beautiful, get dressed up, enjoy a truly formal occasion, and have a carefree time. I value all of those things. 

Since I probably will never hit the jackpot, I would still like to be able to offer some form of those values as a hostess. We invite people over for dinner a lot, but it would be fun to do something a little more intentional and formal. And that would give me a chance to put my culinary skills to the test-- ooh, la, la. 

29 | 12 Black Balsam

Today we went blueberry picking at Black Balsam Knob, which is something we try to do every year. I think there was only one year since we've been in WNC that we didn't go, and that was because the bushes weren't producing berries. I have trekked up that knob without kids, with kids that weren't mine, pregnant, and with a one year old, and now with two in tow. Thankfully Joshua was able to come along today, or else the trip would've been a no-go. But with Aidan strapped on Josh's back and Maddie in a borrowed Ergo carrier, we made the trip, along with Michelle and Elias. 

It was a beautiful day today. More muggy than is typical at that elevation, but it's been a hot and humid summer here. Believe it or not, the view from the Black Balsam parking lot off of the BRP is one of my favorites. From the parking lot you can look out and see the expanse of the knob in the heart of the mountains; it's gorgeous. 

I was excited to take Aidan berry picking today. He's still really young and I didn't know how long he would last, but overall he did well. He loves to ride in the "pack" when we go hiking. I thought I might teach him to pick berries off the bush today, but this isn't your grandma's blueberry patch. It's wild and overgrown on the side of a mountain, and you have to brave thorns and bramble and who knows what kinds of creatures to reach those delicious, sun-ripened berries. Aidan got a little scared when we led him into the blueberry bushes. They are taller than he is, and hard for an adult to get through. We coached him to take "big steps" and I helped him pick berries off the bushes... so cute to see his little toddler fingers practicing their dexterity to pick the berries off of the bushes. 

Being outside for most of the day is so refreshing! I just wish I could have been barefoot and without a timeline. I think I could truly become one of those hippies who lives off the grid, if I knew what I was doing. Nature is so good for my soul. 

29 | 11

I love my boy with all my heart. More than I ever thought possible. And right now he is vexing me SO BAD. I did not know a toddler could push buttons like this.

This is what happens when we miss the window for nap time.

I will never let him fall asleep in the car again.

Oh. My. Gosh.

We both need a nap.

29 | 10

I love Biltmore Estate. When Joshua and I were dating long-distance, it was one of the first places he took me when I came up to visit him in Asheville. I've been in love ever since (with both Joshua and Biltmore... ha). When I moved here, I told the Lord that I wanted to work there. And I did. I started by picking grapes in the vineyard one season, and then got hired to work in Parking and Transportation, alternately driving a bus, standing "post" and directing traffic, or doing valet parking. It was easy, fun, and most of all beautiful. Seventy-five percent of the time I was standing outside, soaking in the beauty of my surroundings.

After I went to work at the hospital, I still maintained part-time work at the estate; but when we started having kids I had to give up the job. I was really sad about that. But we bought annual passes and are frequent flyers there nevertheless. Being a former employee has its perks-- I know a lot of the estate's history, which personalizes things in my mind. I know my way around and the quickest way to get here and there.

I don't walk through the house very often anymore, unless I need to feel inspired. It is grandiose and lavish, but the attention to detail that was given to every nook and cranny never ceases to amaze me. It truly is a work of art. George Vanderbilt must have been an interesting man.

Today Jain, Maddie, and I went for a walk... we started at Antler Hill Village and followed the path down to the lagoon. They have planted sunflowers in the fields along the path and they are in full bloom right now. The bees are having a heyday. From the lagoon we hopped on the Deerpark Trail and took it all the way up to the crest of the ridge where it meets up with the Meadow Trail. We had to turn around because of time constraints, but I would've loved to have finished the last half-mile or so to the house. It would be a six-milk walk there and back... we did five today. Jain was my walking partner before she moved to Lexington and I really haven't walked that much since she left... but I think I'm going to feel this one tomorrow. It was a beautiful walk, though. The bright blue sky, the sunflowers with their yellow faces following the sun, the peace of the French Broad River that gently flows over boulders and beckons with its cool waters, the expansive meadows and breathtaking views. I love this beauty, and I just want to drink it in. It makes me long for eternity.

Thankful I got to take such a nice, long "drink" today. I must try to do that every day.

29 | 8

The Hayes are in town this week, staying at the house with us, so I used the occasion as an excuse to make the chocolate cake I wanted to make for my birthday last week. I refrained at the time, because Joshua and I didn't need to eat an entire chocolate cake (and you know we would've, given the chance). But now there are additional people around to help us out with the eating, so happy belated birthday to me! So I wanted to share the recipe.

I found this recipe on Pinterest awhile ago and pinned it because it said it was the BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE RECIPE EVER. Well, it's pretty freaking amazing, I'm not going to lie. I made the cake as directed according to addapinch.com but changed up the icing just a bit. Next time you need to make a cake for a special occasion, definitely give this recipe a shot.

BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE RECIPE EVER by Robyn Stone and adapted by me! :)

Cake Ingredients:
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 2 cups sugar
- 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (I used good ole Hershey's)
- 2 tsp. baking powder
- 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
- 1 tsp. salt
- 1 tsp. espresso powder (find it in the coffee aisle at the grocery store near the instant coffee)
- 1 cup milk
- 1/2 cup vegetable oil (I used grapeseed oil)
- 2 eggs
- 2 tsp. vanilla extract
- 1 cup boiling water

Cake Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare two 9-inch cake pans by spraying with baking spray and lightly flouring.
2. Add flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and espresso powder to the bowl of a stand mixer. Using your paddle attachment, stir through flour mixture until well-combined.
3. Add milk, oil, eggs, and vanilla to flour mixture and beat on medium speed until well-combined. Note to self: Put the splatter shield on the mixer bowl to prevent chocolate batter from spraying all over the kitchen.
4. Reduce speed and carefully add boiling water to the cake batter. Beat on high speed for about 1 minute to add air to the batter. The batter will be really runny at this point, but don't worry!
5. Distribute batter evenly between prepared cake pans. Bake for 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of each cake comes out clean.
6. Remove cakes from the oven and allow to cool in pans for 10 minutes. Then remove cakes from pans and cool completely on wire rack before icing.

Frosting Ingredients:
- 3 sticks salted butter, softened
- 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 5 cups confectioner's sugar
- 2 tbsp. buttermilk
- 3 tbsp. milk
- 2 tsp. vanilla extract
- 1/2 tsp. espresso powder

Frosting Directions:
1. Add cocoa to bowl of stand mixer and use paddle attachment to stir through the powder to remove any large lumps.
2. Cream together butter and cocoa powder until well-combined.
3. Add sugar and buttermilk/milk to cocoa mixture by adding one cup of sugar followed by one tbsp.  of buttermilk/milk. After each addition has been combined on a low speed, turn mixer onto a high speed for one minute. Repeat until all sugar and milk has been added.
4. Add vanilla extract and espresso powder and combine well on high speed.
5. If frosting is too dry, add more milk, a tbsp. at a time until it reaches the correct consistency. If it's too wet and doesn't hold its form, add more confectioner's sugar a tbsp. at a time until it reached the correct consistency.

This cake is moist and rich, and the icing is light, sweet, and the perfect complement to the cake. I'm not a big fan of icing (usually I scrape most of it off and leave it on my plate), but I ate every bit of this. And it has a lovely pearlescent quality to it, too.

Two thumbs up and a hearty recommendation from my kitchen to yours!

29 | 7 Enough Said

29 | 6

Today was a day that went from nice, to trying, and back to nice again.

The days of the week all kind of blur together for me as a stay-at-home mom, especially since Joshua doesn't work a normal Monday through Friday job. But I'm always in a different mindset on Saturdays, even when Joshua is working. Something about knowing that everyone else has the day off, too, and is doing weekend things, makes me feel a little bit different. So I woke up in a good mood. I had a nice morning at home with the kids, and then managed to get them down for a three-hour synchronized nap, which is a major mama feat at this stage in the game. I accomplished what I wanted to and needed to, which feels really good when most days the "need to's" are sketchy and the "want to's" are a joke. Feeling confident about our day (you moms of toddlers know what I mean... this confidence can make or break you deciding to leave the house), we headed to the grocery store after lunch.

Aidan is a blissful child. Meaning blissful to raise. He's easy, and eager to please, and really a sweet spirit. Today he decided to venture into Terrible Two Land at the grocery store. There was screaming like a banshee; throwing cocoa powder out of the cart and onto the floor, which spilled all over the aisle and all over me; and shoving me when I corrected him about his brutish behavior. This was in between the happy times when he was helping me tell a story and asking me to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider over and over and over again. It's hot and cold, man, I'm telling you. Then I got in line and a very dear old man bagged my groceries and put practically every single item in a separate shopping bag.

By the time I got back home, I was worn out. Vacillating between entertaining and disciplining your toddler for an hour while trying to multitask with grocery shopping and replacing baby's passie every few minutes may not sound like such a task -- yeah, that's what I thought, too, before I had two children. Wait 'til I have three! I'll think this was a piece of cake! I was mentally worn out, and hot, and tired from bringing in so many bags of groceries, and sad because I don't like it when Aidan misbehaves. It's not enjoyable to be the disciplinarian, although I'm strict about it because I believe it's necessary for the shaping of my son's character and future. I'd much rather have fun with him, though.

The rest of the day was pretty fun, until bath time. I took away a toy that Aidan was playing with after he deliberately (and defiantly, I might add) disobeyed me, and he became enraged. The face he gave me was so unlike him I almost laughed, but frowned instead to show him that he can't be ugly to his mama. I've never seen him so angry before. It was pretty short-lived, however. He seems to understand cause and effect pretty well.

After I got Aidan down to bed, Maddie decided to have the worst case of gas ever (note to self: Really, don't eat any more broccoli. Really.), which resulted in wailing every five minutes for two hours. So I'm bouncing a baby and cooking dinner... and Joshua comes in and gets her down right as I'm finishing up, thankfully. And he says as we sit down to eat, "I'm proud of myself for getting her down to sleep like that" and cue baby cry! So dinner was a haphazard affair (although delicious!). I had to keep from chugging the wine.

But then Michael and Jain came in... they are staying with us this week for Ben and Chelsea's wedding... and we had great conversation and catching up and talking about stuff that really matters. And it just brings the day full circle. It helps you remember that this, too, shall pass and that these are the good moments that you'll have stories and laughs about on down the road. People and relationships are so essential to living. Just having that connection at the end of the day changed the tenor of the day and how I tell it. Community is a good, good thing! And so is chocolate cake. So I'm baking one tomorrow.

29 | 4

She's already stunning and she's only four months old. I can't even imagine the beauty this face will hold at four, and fourteen, and forty. My little girl.

Raising a little girl is going to be different than a little boy. I remember when I found out Aidan was a boy, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that I had no idea how to raise a boy. Now I pick up trucks and cars and more trucks and cars, and am learning the names for various construction equipment, and am not put off by dirt and mud and other remnants of the day that have to be scrubbed off in the tub. Having a boy is so much fun. And instinctively I know that when Maddie gets to be the age that Aidan is now, I'm going to say, Having a girl is so much fun. 

Her personality is already coming through. She loves to be near, to smile when you catch her eye, and to let you know loud and clear when she doesn't like something (wonder where she gets that from... Nana). Aidan wasn't a smiley baby, but Maddie's grin is the first thing I see when I look over her cradle each morning and say, "Hi, Maddie Grace!" It's so cute and gummy right now. 

I love them both and I am so grateful for each of them. Today was a slow, easy mama day... a play date with friends, a nap, time on the back porch. Bubbles in the bath and reading and snuggles and bedtime. These are the days that everyone tells me to cherish because they are too soon just a memory. So I am. Life is good.  

29 | 3

I really need to go to bed, but I really want to write. 

This evening I got to spend some time with Aidan in the tipi he got for his birthday. Joshua set it up on the back porch, and tonight Aidan and I lay inside and sang Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star as we watched the battery-powered disco light that hangs from the top throw stars on the sides of the tent. Twilight was falling outside and I had turned on the Christmas lights that illuminate the back porch, and it was a movie magic-type moment. I soaked in the few minutes that Aidan was willing to lay there beside me, still and tender. He's a ball full of energy that doesn't slow down for much. I love that boy with all of me. He is so full of life and joy and love and humor and delight.

There is serious, sad stuff going on in this world right now. Gaza, Hamas, Israel. Ukraine vs. Russia. ISIS taking over Iraq, murdering, raping, torturing, destroying, enslaving. Sex trafficking. If I think about it long enough, my mind becomes sickened and spirals into darkness. While I seek to be informed, I also remember Philippians 4:8 - Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things. The horror and atrocities can blight out the beauty of life, but they don't have to. They don't have to. And I can still be burdened and not let the darkness win in my own mind. 

I also deal with survivor's guilt. In my corner of the world, my family is spared the experience of refugee camps and genocide and war. My mama's heart is so thankful. And I am keenly aware that in other places there are hundreds of mamas with broken, broken hearts. I feel guilty to be spared and desperate to be spared. 

Thunder is rolling in. One of my favorite features of life in the Blue Ridge... deep rumblings of thunder that echo through the mountain passes, languid and beautiful. I want to let the beauty of life permeate my soul without me sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich. I want to breathe in goodness and purity and all that is right and exhale prayers to uplift those who suffer. Help me be faithful, Lord. 

29 | 2

Winds of change are blowing.

It's simultaneously difficult and exciting to know that things cannot remain the same. There is the weight of decisions that will have long-lasting ramifications for each member of our family, the hope of a new season and new opportunities, the thought of what we have to lose. And for me, an anxiety that somehow we are going to royally screw things up. It's a doubt that niggles in my mind, pestering and eroding confidence and stealing joy. Honestly, I hate it and I wish I didn't care so much. But I am way too intense not to care.

In all of this, I am learning to trust. God is bigger than my fears. His will may not confine me as narrowly as I might desire at times-- because while that would preclude me from making any mistakes, it just doesn't seem to be His modus operandi in our lives at the moment. God has grace for my mistakes. Failure isn't fatal. I don't know why I get so tense thinking that Joshua and I may make a wrong choice. I think it's wrapped up in have two first-borns in one marriage.

Anyway, I could spend all day every day considering possible scenarios and choices and consequences but that distracts me from being present... and life is way too beautiful to be ignored right now. Two precious children and one gorgeous man are much more worthy of my attention and mindful presence.

Noticed today: The summer light in the mountains is gorgeous.

Beach Trip 2014

It really is a wonderful thing to have family that lives on the beach. My in-laws live in Myrtle Beach and their home is a five minute drive to sandy bliss. At some point this year when we were discussing summer plans, my sister-in-law and I decided that it would be fun to take the kids to visit Poppy and Gigi while our men were working. We would go for the week and then our husbands could join us for the weekend. I think when it came down to the wire, Shell and I were a little wary about how the trip would go... a) the car ride is five hours normally, but that's without three kids under two in the backseat, two of whom need to be nursed every three hours; b) we have great husbands who help out a LOT with the kids; and c) would it really be relaxing when we had to have our eyeballs on three kids the whole time?

I'm so glad we did it! The car ride took seven hours instead of five. There was poop leakage and crying and passie patrol and all the things we expected/feared, but it was actually a very peaceful ride. Gigi has the summer off work, and she stood in the gap for the men... grandmothers are just plain awesome. Life really is meant to be lived together... so much easier to parent with the proverbial village beside you. There was relaxation and fun and girl time and it was a wonderful trip.

Wanted to record some highlights so that I can look back on them...

- hammocks under the pier

- Aidan sitting in the surf, hands raised above his head like he's riding a roller coaster, squealing with delight as the waves splash him

- the sunlight making beautiful shapes in the water as I swim through the pool

- my feet in the sand and the hot sun on my skin with the ocean providing the soundtrack in the background

- lovely thunderstorms and waking to the rain

- Aidan discovering how much fun it is to play with the garden hose, and watching him help Gigi water her plants

- snuggling with Maddie in bed while Poppy feeds Aidan breakfast

- Aidan playing with his buckets at the beach and wearing them on his head

- kissing my hubby after almost a week apart

- lounging on Poppy and Gigi's deck chairs on the back patio with Shell, drinking Smirnoff Ice

- sitting in those same deck chairs to let the sun dry me off after swimming

- Poppy's grilled food and Gigi's country cooking

- finding a hole-in-the-wall gem called "The Movie Shack" to rent movies for our chick-flick marathon

- walking on the beach with Shell while the wind blows at 60mph

- giggles of delight when Daddy took Aidan deeper out into the waves

- selfies with Aidan in the hammock

- watching Maddie fall asleep in Gigi's arms

- basking in the love of a family who truly enjoys being together

So many blessings! So many.

Frequent flyers

2014 has been a crazy year so far for my family. Aside from my pregnancy adventures with preeclampsia, both Joshua and Aidan have recently had medical scares involving either 911 or a visit to the emergency room.

A few weeks ago, Joshua went to get a haircut and shave at his favorite local barbershop. I had given him a gift certificate for Christmas and I was hoping it would be a chance for him to relax since the pregnancy stuff had been so stressful lately. However, he ended up passing out in the barber's chair while he was leaned back getting a (straight razor) shave (yikes!), and then because he wasn't lying completely flat when he went unconscious he started having convulsions. Scared the owner to death... afterwards she kept telling Josh, "I swear, it looked like you were being possessed!" Exactly what you want to hear after regaining consciousness. Josh was unresponsive for a few minutes after passing out so of course the good people in the shop called 911 and an ambulance came to the scene. After the EMTs took his vitals and Josh saw they were normal, he refused to go in the ambulance to the ER. He called me and I think he was planning on coming straight home, but I asked him what the heck was I going to do if he passed out again and had a seizure at home? While I could understand him not wanting to go wait for hours in the ER, I couldn't believe my medical professional husband was going to come home without being checked out by our family doctor at least. I convinced him to call and get a walk-in appointment with our PCP so that he could be given a once-over before coming home.

Thankfully, a friend from church walked into the barbershop to get a haircut right after this entire ordeal had happened to Josh. He gave Josh a ride to the doctor... which Josh later said was a really good thing because he almost passed out again on the way to the doctor's office. Our PCP ran some tests and took some blood, but told Joshua he thought he probably had just passed out due to a vagal response. Craziness! I told Josh he was just trying to show me up by having a seizure since that wasn't happening to me yet. (Bad preeclampsia joke...)

This week our Aidan Bear gave us a scare. As you might have ascertained from the story above, Joshua is not easily ruffled when it comes to medical problems. I suppose when you work in a hospital and see patients coding on a semi-regular basis, your average illnesses start to look paltry in comparison. In any case, he has a good handle on when something seems life-threatening, when something warrants medical attention, and when it's not that big of a deal. So when my husband says we need to take our child to urgent care because he hears stridor, I'm thinking, "Why aren't we just headed to the ER now? This is obviously a big deal if you think we need a doctor."

Aidan had starting losing his voice on Tuesday afternoon, and he had choked on some food that day. Josh thought he had cleared it, but that night when he laid Aidan down to put on his pajamas, Aidan started coughing and making these weird respiratory noises that Joshua thought sounded like stridor. Josh was worried that when he choked earlier that day he had ended up aspirating something and it was stuck in his trachea. So in the middle of a late-March snowstorm (not really, but it was snowing like a blizzard outside for a few hours that night), we bundled Aidan up and took him to urgent care a few blocks away. Of course, as soon as we got there, Aidan stopped showing any signs of distress and just sat there sucking on his passie like everything was fine and dandy. The NP listened to his chest and throat and said that she didn't think there was anything lodged in his airway, but because he wasn't showing any other symptoms of illness (no fever... ears, nose, and throat looked fine) and his oxygen saturation was a little low, we should keep an eye on things and if he got any worse we should take him to the ER. She told us she thought he probably just irritated his throat when he choked that day and that was probably what was causing the weird noises.

We came home and put Aidan to bed with the humidifier running, hoping to soothe his throat if it was irritated for some reason. I was up a few hours later talking with my mother-in-law when all of a sudden I hear noises coming from Aidan's room. I walked in to find him on all fours in his crib, making scary gasping/coughing noises. Joshua came in and got him up and our little champ was struggling to breathe and crying every time he coughed. "This isn't normal," I said, and off Joshua, Aidan and I went to the ER.

It was still snowing outside and very cold, and on the way to the hospital Aidan's symptoms eased. I told Josh, "I wonder if this is croup. I've read that cold air helps with croup and a lot of the time kids get better on the way to the ER because of being exposed to cool night air." By the time we got there and got Aidan registered, he seemed to be doing well again, and we were debating staying. But I told Joshua I didn't want to go home and have the same thing happen again. Thankfully a nurse pushed us through and we got into a room relatively quickly. Once we got back into the ER, I took away Aidan's passie (mean mommy) because I wanted the doctor to be able to hear the symptoms we had heard. We thought we were going to have a repeat performance of urgent care, but then I had to go to the bathroom and when I left the room Aidan got very upset. When I was walking back down the hall returning from the restroom, I heard this kid wailing and coughing and gasping and sounding generally horrible. I thought, "Surely that's not my Aidan Bear." But it surely was, and thankfully him causing a scene got a doctor in to see him stat. After about one minute of being in the room, the doctor says, "Yep, that's stridor, alright. He's got croup. We'll get you fixed up." Easier said than done, when you have a toddler who is afraid of the glowing pulse-ox they attach to his big toe (out of sight, out of mind , we learned when we covered it up with a blanket), terrified of the breathing treatment the respiratory therapist tries to give him with a nebulizer, and doesn't want to take any medicine. It's heart-wrenching to hold your kid while he screams bloody murder because he's scared... and also terribly endearing to watch him say, "all done!" to the doctors and nurses trying to treat him. He had to be monitored for an hour after the breathing treatment and the steroid they gave him, and thankfully once the medicine kicked in his breathing eased and he was in a much better mood.

So we arrived home from the ER at 2:00 a.m., a very sleepy little boy and two very tired parents. Sadly, I realized that I had made his breathing worse by having a humidifier running earlier that night, as warm air causes the airway to constrict further. The ER doctor told us when his daughter had croup he used to stick her head in the freezer when it got really bad. He told us we can manage this case of croup at home with a few days of steroids, but if it got worse again to come back for another breathing treatment.

The next day I went to the store and bought some essential oils to make a blend to help Aidan breathe and to help reduce the inflammation of his airway. I have a lot of friends who use doTERRA essential oils and there are pre-made blends available from doTERRA for different symptoms, so I looked up the ingredients for one called "Breathe" and bought a few of the oils (peppermint, lemon, and eucalyptus). I also bought frankincense which is great for reducing inflammation. When I got home I blended a few drops of each into a teaspoon of a carrier oil and we rubbed it on the bottom of Aidan's feet and on his back. We've been using this blend every day as well as finishing out the prescription for the steroid and he hasn't had any more stridor since the night we had to take him to the ER. Yay for blending traditional and homeopathic medicine.

Two days after our ER adventure I went into see my OB for one of my regular appointments and my blood pressure was too high. The NP who has seen me for the past few visits told me I was starting not to look as good (thanks...) and I told her honestly that I haven't been feeling as well. My blood pressure has been running higher and I just feel kind of bad most of the time now. She told me frankly that unless I want to have this baby next week, it's time for strict bed rest from here on out. She told me I don't have to be completely housebound, but she basically wants my feet up all the time... in the recliner, on the couch, or in the bed, she said. Thankfully we are now only 16 days away... my induction is scheduled for April 15 bright and early. Hard to believe that in just over two weeks we will be meeting our little girl. Life is never going to be the same for Aidan! Not sure he's ready to share the limelight with a little princess. :)

Our family has bent over backwards these past few weeks to help us. My mom is going to come back to Asheville next week and stay until I deliver, so that hopefully I can make it all the way to 37 weeks. I am so thankful for all of our parents who are there for us when we need help. Not everyone has that, I know. We are blessed! God has certainly been watching out for us... sending a friend to the barbershop to help Joshua at exactly the right time... letting Aidan get upset in the ER at exactly the right time so that the doctor could make an accurate diagnosis... providing time and resources for our family to come to Asheville to help us get through the end of this pregnancy. So, so thankful. The Lord is faithful, even when stuff is hard and we have to walk through it instead of having it disappear. It reminds me of that verse in Romans, "... we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Our family's sufferings seem so slight but I am thankful that there is not a qualifier for this verse... no matter how big or small, the adversities we face can build something good in us if we will turn our faces in the right direction. I know I need hope built in me instead of negativity, which I seem to have an ample supply of!

Please continue to pray for us... 16 more days. Joshua is still chipping away at his school work with that deadline looming... pray for him. Aidan and I are improving, but I would also appreciate continued prayer for that, especially since I'm going to be "disappearing" soon again when I go to be induced. Thanks, ya'll. Peace, love, and HOPE.