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I really need to go to bed, but I really want to write. 

This evening I got to spend some time with Aidan in the tipi he got for his birthday. Joshua set it up on the back porch, and tonight Aidan and I lay inside and sang Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star as we watched the battery-powered disco light that hangs from the top throw stars on the sides of the tent. Twilight was falling outside and I had turned on the Christmas lights that illuminate the back porch, and it was a movie magic-type moment. I soaked in the few minutes that Aidan was willing to lay there beside me, still and tender. He's a ball full of energy that doesn't slow down for much. I love that boy with all of me. He is so full of life and joy and love and humor and delight.

There is serious, sad stuff going on in this world right now. Gaza, Hamas, Israel. Ukraine vs. Russia. ISIS taking over Iraq, murdering, raping, torturing, destroying, enslaving. Sex trafficking. If I think about it long enough, my mind becomes sickened and spirals into darkness. While I seek to be informed, I also remember Philippians 4:8 - Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things. The horror and atrocities can blight out the beauty of life, but they don't have to. They don't have to. And I can still be burdened and not let the darkness win in my own mind. 

I also deal with survivor's guilt. In my corner of the world, my family is spared the experience of refugee camps and genocide and war. My mama's heart is so thankful. And I am keenly aware that in other places there are hundreds of mamas with broken, broken hearts. I feel guilty to be spared and desperate to be spared. 

Thunder is rolling in. One of my favorite features of life in the Blue Ridge... deep rumblings of thunder that echo through the mountain passes, languid and beautiful. I want to let the beauty of life permeate my soul without me sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich. I want to breathe in goodness and purity and all that is right and exhale prayers to uplift those who suffer. Help me be faithful, Lord.