Winds of change are blowing.
It's simultaneously difficult and exciting to know that things cannot remain the same. There is the weight of decisions that will have long-lasting ramifications for each member of our family, the hope of a new season and new opportunities, the thought of what we have to lose. And for me, an anxiety that somehow we are going to royally screw things up. It's a doubt that niggles in my mind, pestering and eroding confidence and stealing joy. Honestly, I hate it and I wish I didn't care so much. But I am way too intense not to care.
In all of this, I am learning to trust. God is bigger than my fears. His will may not confine me as narrowly as I might desire at times-- because while that would preclude me from making any mistakes, it just doesn't seem to be His modus operandi in our lives at the moment. God has grace for my mistakes. Failure isn't fatal. I don't know why I get so tense thinking that Joshua and I may make a wrong choice. I think it's wrapped up in have two first-borns in one marriage.
Anyway, I could spend all day every day considering possible scenarios and choices and consequences but that distracts me from being present... and life is way too beautiful to be ignored right now. Two precious children and one gorgeous man are much more worthy of my attention and mindful presence.
Noticed today: The summer light in the mountains is gorgeous.
No comments:
Post a Comment