the beginning

Okay, so this is where it begins.

I have just hung up the phone after ordering a large half cheese, half pepperoni and mushroom pizza from Papa John's. My husband will be picking this up on his way home from class, and we will sit down together and probably end up watching Biggest Loser.

Window into the life of Joshua and I:

Me - full-time job, part-time photographer

Joshua - full-time student

Busy begins to describe life for us.

At this point in time, mid-twenties, we are both starting to come into our own. For me, that means questioning my habits and starting to make some changes. Mindfulness. Awareness. Not just blind consumption and routine anymore.

I am 25, short, and a size 8. Two years ago I was a size 4. The beginning of this process began with looking at myself in the mirror, and taking a moment to stop and realize how I felt in my own body. I stopped liking what I saw... and I stopped liking how I felt. Sizes may or may not matter to you. To me, there is something nice about saying I wear a small size, I'll admit to that vanity. But the journey I'm about to go on is more than just the size of my pants. It's about health, and about quality of life. It's about living up to genetic potential, and living up to my own desires for myself. I am not a slave to food, habits, or lies.

Where this is going first for me is diet. I have just started going to CrossFit Asheville, where I am working on strength. But those grueling CrossFit WODs (work-out of the day) aren't going to change my body if I don't have a proper foundation in place... and as much as I am loathe to admit it, the foundation is what I am putting into my mouth.

As you can tell from my opening line, I am not a health nut. In practice. There is a growing file of knowledge accumulating in my brain about nutrition, and the American food industry, and our bodies' design. It is just starting to trickle down that place-- you know, the place that makes you change.

The first step for me is going to be sugar. Which is problematic because I love Coke. Love, love, love Coke. The carbonation. The flavor. Its perfect accompaniment to all things salty, especially pizza. I know that I have to cut sugar. I know it. But I fear doing it because I also know that my cravings are going to be horrendous. Like an addict going through withdrawals.

Because I am an addict.

This is the hardest part of the process of transformation. Confrontation with the truth. About self, about life, about things that are ugly or things that hurt. It means pain. And everyone hates pain.

But through pain lies a transformed life. This is such a deep truth.

For now, I am going to enjoy my pizza (and Coke, I ordered a 20 oz. and didn't tell you) and watch Jillian kick the living daylights out of the contestants on Biggest Loser.

I'll let you know when I get the courage to kick the habit. It's got to be soon. I will probably post on the diabolical traits sugar so that I can give my self a little jump-start. Here we go.