29 | 14

Last night I got to attend Ben and Chelsea's wedding out in Cane Creek. The venue was on someone's private property, and it was panoramic views of the sweeping valleys full of pastureland hidden in these ancient mountains. It was gorgeous. Their wedding was at 5:30 and the sun could've been blazing hot, but God blew some beautiful clouds over the sky and it was perfect. Their wedding photos are going to be amazing. 

Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to win the lottery or just be ostentatiously rich, and I think about the lavish parties/balls I would throw. I'd give all my guests money to buy ballgowns/rent tuxedos and I would provide food and entertainment and there would be lots and lots of dancing. Just so that people could feel beautiful, get dressed up, enjoy a truly formal occasion, and have a carefree time. I value all of those things. 

Since I probably will never hit the jackpot, I would still like to be able to offer some form of those values as a hostess. We invite people over for dinner a lot, but it would be fun to do something a little more intentional and formal. And that would give me a chance to put my culinary skills to the test-- ooh, la, la. 

29 | 12 Black Balsam

Today we went blueberry picking at Black Balsam Knob, which is something we try to do every year. I think there was only one year since we've been in WNC that we didn't go, and that was because the bushes weren't producing berries. I have trekked up that knob without kids, with kids that weren't mine, pregnant, and with a one year old, and now with two in tow. Thankfully Joshua was able to come along today, or else the trip would've been a no-go. But with Aidan strapped on Josh's back and Maddie in a borrowed Ergo carrier, we made the trip, along with Michelle and Elias. 

It was a beautiful day today. More muggy than is typical at that elevation, but it's been a hot and humid summer here. Believe it or not, the view from the Black Balsam parking lot off of the BRP is one of my favorites. From the parking lot you can look out and see the expanse of the knob in the heart of the mountains; it's gorgeous. 

I was excited to take Aidan berry picking today. He's still really young and I didn't know how long he would last, but overall he did well. He loves to ride in the "pack" when we go hiking. I thought I might teach him to pick berries off the bush today, but this isn't your grandma's blueberry patch. It's wild and overgrown on the side of a mountain, and you have to brave thorns and bramble and who knows what kinds of creatures to reach those delicious, sun-ripened berries. Aidan got a little scared when we led him into the blueberry bushes. They are taller than he is, and hard for an adult to get through. We coached him to take "big steps" and I helped him pick berries off the bushes... so cute to see his little toddler fingers practicing their dexterity to pick the berries off of the bushes. 

Being outside for most of the day is so refreshing! I just wish I could have been barefoot and without a timeline. I think I could truly become one of those hippies who lives off the grid, if I knew what I was doing. Nature is so good for my soul. 

29 | 11

I love my boy with all my heart. More than I ever thought possible. And right now he is vexing me SO BAD. I did not know a toddler could push buttons like this.

This is what happens when we miss the window for nap time.

I will never let him fall asleep in the car again.

Oh. My. Gosh.

We both need a nap.

29 | 10

I love Biltmore Estate. When Joshua and I were dating long-distance, it was one of the first places he took me when I came up to visit him in Asheville. I've been in love ever since (with both Joshua and Biltmore... ha). When I moved here, I told the Lord that I wanted to work there. And I did. I started by picking grapes in the vineyard one season, and then got hired to work in Parking and Transportation, alternately driving a bus, standing "post" and directing traffic, or doing valet parking. It was easy, fun, and most of all beautiful. Seventy-five percent of the time I was standing outside, soaking in the beauty of my surroundings.

After I went to work at the hospital, I still maintained part-time work at the estate; but when we started having kids I had to give up the job. I was really sad about that. But we bought annual passes and are frequent flyers there nevertheless. Being a former employee has its perks-- I know a lot of the estate's history, which personalizes things in my mind. I know my way around and the quickest way to get here and there.

I don't walk through the house very often anymore, unless I need to feel inspired. It is grandiose and lavish, but the attention to detail that was given to every nook and cranny never ceases to amaze me. It truly is a work of art. George Vanderbilt must have been an interesting man.

Today Jain, Maddie, and I went for a walk... we started at Antler Hill Village and followed the path down to the lagoon. They have planted sunflowers in the fields along the path and they are in full bloom right now. The bees are having a heyday. From the lagoon we hopped on the Deerpark Trail and took it all the way up to the crest of the ridge where it meets up with the Meadow Trail. We had to turn around because of time constraints, but I would've loved to have finished the last half-mile or so to the house. It would be a six-milk walk there and back... we did five today. Jain was my walking partner before she moved to Lexington and I really haven't walked that much since she left... but I think I'm going to feel this one tomorrow. It was a beautiful walk, though. The bright blue sky, the sunflowers with their yellow faces following the sun, the peace of the French Broad River that gently flows over boulders and beckons with its cool waters, the expansive meadows and breathtaking views. I love this beauty, and I just want to drink it in. It makes me long for eternity.

Thankful I got to take such a nice, long "drink" today. I must try to do that every day.

29 | 8

The Hayes are in town this week, staying at the house with us, so I used the occasion as an excuse to make the chocolate cake I wanted to make for my birthday last week. I refrained at the time, because Joshua and I didn't need to eat an entire chocolate cake (and you know we would've, given the chance). But now there are additional people around to help us out with the eating, so happy belated birthday to me! So I wanted to share the recipe.

I found this recipe on Pinterest awhile ago and pinned it because it said it was the BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE RECIPE EVER. Well, it's pretty freaking amazing, I'm not going to lie. I made the cake as directed according to addapinch.com but changed up the icing just a bit. Next time you need to make a cake for a special occasion, definitely give this recipe a shot.

BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE RECIPE EVER by Robyn Stone and adapted by me! :)

Cake Ingredients:
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 2 cups sugar
- 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (I used good ole Hershey's)
- 2 tsp. baking powder
- 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
- 1 tsp. salt
- 1 tsp. espresso powder (find it in the coffee aisle at the grocery store near the instant coffee)
- 1 cup milk
- 1/2 cup vegetable oil (I used grapeseed oil)
- 2 eggs
- 2 tsp. vanilla extract
- 1 cup boiling water

Cake Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare two 9-inch cake pans by spraying with baking spray and lightly flouring.
2. Add flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and espresso powder to the bowl of a stand mixer. Using your paddle attachment, stir through flour mixture until well-combined.
3. Add milk, oil, eggs, and vanilla to flour mixture and beat on medium speed until well-combined. Note to self: Put the splatter shield on the mixer bowl to prevent chocolate batter from spraying all over the kitchen.
4. Reduce speed and carefully add boiling water to the cake batter. Beat on high speed for about 1 minute to add air to the batter. The batter will be really runny at this point, but don't worry!
5. Distribute batter evenly between prepared cake pans. Bake for 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of each cake comes out clean.
6. Remove cakes from the oven and allow to cool in pans for 10 minutes. Then remove cakes from pans and cool completely on wire rack before icing.

Frosting Ingredients:
- 3 sticks salted butter, softened
- 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 5 cups confectioner's sugar
- 2 tbsp. buttermilk
- 3 tbsp. milk
- 2 tsp. vanilla extract
- 1/2 tsp. espresso powder

Frosting Directions:
1. Add cocoa to bowl of stand mixer and use paddle attachment to stir through the powder to remove any large lumps.
2. Cream together butter and cocoa powder until well-combined.
3. Add sugar and buttermilk/milk to cocoa mixture by adding one cup of sugar followed by one tbsp.  of buttermilk/milk. After each addition has been combined on a low speed, turn mixer onto a high speed for one minute. Repeat until all sugar and milk has been added.
4. Add vanilla extract and espresso powder and combine well on high speed.
5. If frosting is too dry, add more milk, a tbsp. at a time until it reaches the correct consistency. If it's too wet and doesn't hold its form, add more confectioner's sugar a tbsp. at a time until it reached the correct consistency.

This cake is moist and rich, and the icing is light, sweet, and the perfect complement to the cake. I'm not a big fan of icing (usually I scrape most of it off and leave it on my plate), but I ate every bit of this. And it has a lovely pearlescent quality to it, too.

Two thumbs up and a hearty recommendation from my kitchen to yours!

29 | 7 Enough Said

29 | 6

Today was a day that went from nice, to trying, and back to nice again.

The days of the week all kind of blur together for me as a stay-at-home mom, especially since Joshua doesn't work a normal Monday through Friday job. But I'm always in a different mindset on Saturdays, even when Joshua is working. Something about knowing that everyone else has the day off, too, and is doing weekend things, makes me feel a little bit different. So I woke up in a good mood. I had a nice morning at home with the kids, and then managed to get them down for a three-hour synchronized nap, which is a major mama feat at this stage in the game. I accomplished what I wanted to and needed to, which feels really good when most days the "need to's" are sketchy and the "want to's" are a joke. Feeling confident about our day (you moms of toddlers know what I mean... this confidence can make or break you deciding to leave the house), we headed to the grocery store after lunch.

Aidan is a blissful child. Meaning blissful to raise. He's easy, and eager to please, and really a sweet spirit. Today he decided to venture into Terrible Two Land at the grocery store. There was screaming like a banshee; throwing cocoa powder out of the cart and onto the floor, which spilled all over the aisle and all over me; and shoving me when I corrected him about his brutish behavior. This was in between the happy times when he was helping me tell a story and asking me to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider over and over and over again. It's hot and cold, man, I'm telling you. Then I got in line and a very dear old man bagged my groceries and put practically every single item in a separate shopping bag.

By the time I got back home, I was worn out. Vacillating between entertaining and disciplining your toddler for an hour while trying to multitask with grocery shopping and replacing baby's passie every few minutes may not sound like such a task -- yeah, that's what I thought, too, before I had two children. Wait 'til I have three! I'll think this was a piece of cake! I was mentally worn out, and hot, and tired from bringing in so many bags of groceries, and sad because I don't like it when Aidan misbehaves. It's not enjoyable to be the disciplinarian, although I'm strict about it because I believe it's necessary for the shaping of my son's character and future. I'd much rather have fun with him, though.

The rest of the day was pretty fun, until bath time. I took away a toy that Aidan was playing with after he deliberately (and defiantly, I might add) disobeyed me, and he became enraged. The face he gave me was so unlike him I almost laughed, but frowned instead to show him that he can't be ugly to his mama. I've never seen him so angry before. It was pretty short-lived, however. He seems to understand cause and effect pretty well.

After I got Aidan down to bed, Maddie decided to have the worst case of gas ever (note to self: Really, don't eat any more broccoli. Really.), which resulted in wailing every five minutes for two hours. So I'm bouncing a baby and cooking dinner... and Joshua comes in and gets her down right as I'm finishing up, thankfully. And he says as we sit down to eat, "I'm proud of myself for getting her down to sleep like that" and cue baby cry! So dinner was a haphazard affair (although delicious!). I had to keep from chugging the wine.

But then Michael and Jain came in... they are staying with us this week for Ben and Chelsea's wedding... and we had great conversation and catching up and talking about stuff that really matters. And it just brings the day full circle. It helps you remember that this, too, shall pass and that these are the good moments that you'll have stories and laughs about on down the road. People and relationships are so essential to living. Just having that connection at the end of the day changed the tenor of the day and how I tell it. Community is a good, good thing! And so is chocolate cake. So I'm baking one tomorrow.

29 | 4

She's already stunning and she's only four months old. I can't even imagine the beauty this face will hold at four, and fourteen, and forty. My little girl.

Raising a little girl is going to be different than a little boy. I remember when I found out Aidan was a boy, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that I had no idea how to raise a boy. Now I pick up trucks and cars and more trucks and cars, and am learning the names for various construction equipment, and am not put off by dirt and mud and other remnants of the day that have to be scrubbed off in the tub. Having a boy is so much fun. And instinctively I know that when Maddie gets to be the age that Aidan is now, I'm going to say, Having a girl is so much fun. 

Her personality is already coming through. She loves to be near, to smile when you catch her eye, and to let you know loud and clear when she doesn't like something (wonder where she gets that from... Nana). Aidan wasn't a smiley baby, but Maddie's grin is the first thing I see when I look over her cradle each morning and say, "Hi, Maddie Grace!" It's so cute and gummy right now. 

I love them both and I am so grateful for each of them. Today was a slow, easy mama day... a play date with friends, a nap, time on the back porch. Bubbles in the bath and reading and snuggles and bedtime. These are the days that everyone tells me to cherish because they are too soon just a memory. So I am. Life is good.  

29 | 3

I really need to go to bed, but I really want to write. 

This evening I got to spend some time with Aidan in the tipi he got for his birthday. Joshua set it up on the back porch, and tonight Aidan and I lay inside and sang Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star as we watched the battery-powered disco light that hangs from the top throw stars on the sides of the tent. Twilight was falling outside and I had turned on the Christmas lights that illuminate the back porch, and it was a movie magic-type moment. I soaked in the few minutes that Aidan was willing to lay there beside me, still and tender. He's a ball full of energy that doesn't slow down for much. I love that boy with all of me. He is so full of life and joy and love and humor and delight.

There is serious, sad stuff going on in this world right now. Gaza, Hamas, Israel. Ukraine vs. Russia. ISIS taking over Iraq, murdering, raping, torturing, destroying, enslaving. Sex trafficking. If I think about it long enough, my mind becomes sickened and spirals into darkness. While I seek to be informed, I also remember Philippians 4:8 - Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things. The horror and atrocities can blight out the beauty of life, but they don't have to. They don't have to. And I can still be burdened and not let the darkness win in my own mind. 

I also deal with survivor's guilt. In my corner of the world, my family is spared the experience of refugee camps and genocide and war. My mama's heart is so thankful. And I am keenly aware that in other places there are hundreds of mamas with broken, broken hearts. I feel guilty to be spared and desperate to be spared. 

Thunder is rolling in. One of my favorite features of life in the Blue Ridge... deep rumblings of thunder that echo through the mountain passes, languid and beautiful. I want to let the beauty of life permeate my soul without me sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich. I want to breathe in goodness and purity and all that is right and exhale prayers to uplift those who suffer. Help me be faithful, Lord. 

29 | 2

Winds of change are blowing.

It's simultaneously difficult and exciting to know that things cannot remain the same. There is the weight of decisions that will have long-lasting ramifications for each member of our family, the hope of a new season and new opportunities, the thought of what we have to lose. And for me, an anxiety that somehow we are going to royally screw things up. It's a doubt that niggles in my mind, pestering and eroding confidence and stealing joy. Honestly, I hate it and I wish I didn't care so much. But I am way too intense not to care.

In all of this, I am learning to trust. God is bigger than my fears. His will may not confine me as narrowly as I might desire at times-- because while that would preclude me from making any mistakes, it just doesn't seem to be His modus operandi in our lives at the moment. God has grace for my mistakes. Failure isn't fatal. I don't know why I get so tense thinking that Joshua and I may make a wrong choice. I think it's wrapped up in have two first-borns in one marriage.

Anyway, I could spend all day every day considering possible scenarios and choices and consequences but that distracts me from being present... and life is way too beautiful to be ignored right now. Two precious children and one gorgeous man are much more worthy of my attention and mindful presence.

Noticed today: The summer light in the mountains is gorgeous.