41 - I am absolutely thrilled by all the blossoms on the trees here as spring is arriving. It makes me giddy like a child because I've never seen anything like it. It is one of those things that makes my soul glow. New life. Beauty. Promise.
42 - I haven't been to the dentist since before I went to college. Oops.
43 - If I had a lot of money, I would buy everything organic that I possibly could.
44 - The reason I wear glasses more than contacts is because I'm lazy. Period.
45 - I kept a lot of my college textbooks because I think I might actually go back and read them one day. I'm not sure if that's delirium or just unrealistic expectations.
46 - Joshua treats me like a princess and I love it.
47 - I can't finish a whole beer, I get tipsy after two glasses of wine and I don't like the taste of hard liquor. I guess this is a good thing since I have an addictive personality and I'd probably end up being an alcoholic if I ever acquired a taste for it.
48 - I love stories and could live my whole life for them. Reading stories in books, watching stories on TV or movies, hearing stories from people and writing stories... it makes me really, really happy.
49 - I want to talk to the servers at Mexican restaurants in Spanish but I'm always too timid.
50 - I am beginning to think that I mumble horribly and I need some practice in diction. Like Evangeline on Nanny McPhee. (Yes, I love children's movies. That's a bonus one for you tonight.)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Show off
"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
This, my friends, is the main reason my blog has been so scantily updated. I want to write, but when I sit down to do it, or start composing it on the drive home (which happens more often than not), I realize that I don't want to write just to say something. I want to have something that I think is worth saying. Some may disagree and say I need to write just to write, but for now I'm agreeing with good ole F. Scott Fitzgerald.
And now, inspired by my dear friend Arlen, voy a continuar en español.
Mi corazón está tan lleno con algo en particular esta noche, y no sé exactamente lo que es. Me siento un gran deseo para crear—tal vez una composición musical, o una escritura que provoca los sentimientos fuertes y pasiones. Quiero que estés conmovido en tu alma, ¿me entiendes? Tiene que estar una canción o poema que puede expresar lo que estoy sintiendo, ¿no? ¿Un salmo, un verso que escribió el rey David en su gloria sobre Israel? Pero este es la cosa—no era la gloria de David, era la gloria del Señor en la vida del rey humano. Y quiero la misma pasión para Dios que tuvo a David.
Creo que he olvidado la mayoría de mi español, y Arlen va a leer mi diario y pensar “Que significa…???” Pero no me importa. En esta noche, mi corazón se expresa mejor en español, no sé por qué pero sé que es verdad.
Back to English? My heart was best expressed in Spanish tonight, I said. Incentive for you to learn, if you care that much.
This, my friends, is the main reason my blog has been so scantily updated. I want to write, but when I sit down to do it, or start composing it on the drive home (which happens more often than not), I realize that I don't want to write just to say something. I want to have something that I think is worth saying. Some may disagree and say I need to write just to write, but for now I'm agreeing with good ole F. Scott Fitzgerald.
And now, inspired by my dear friend Arlen, voy a continuar en español.
Mi corazón está tan lleno con algo en particular esta noche, y no sé exactamente lo que es. Me siento un gran deseo para crear—tal vez una composición musical, o una escritura que provoca los sentimientos fuertes y pasiones. Quiero que estés conmovido en tu alma, ¿me entiendes? Tiene que estar una canción o poema que puede expresar lo que estoy sintiendo, ¿no? ¿Un salmo, un verso que escribió el rey David en su gloria sobre Israel? Pero este es la cosa—no era la gloria de David, era la gloria del Señor en la vida del rey humano. Y quiero la misma pasión para Dios que tuvo a David.
Creo que he olvidado la mayoría de mi español, y Arlen va a leer mi diario y pensar “Que significa…???” Pero no me importa. En esta noche, mi corazón se expresa mejor en español, no sé por qué pero sé que es verdad.
Back to English? My heart was best expressed in Spanish tonight, I said. Incentive for you to learn, if you care that much.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Today continued
The sky was angry when I left work. Spitting rain and glowering at me with menacing storm clouds.
I glowered right back. I was angry, too. Downright pissy is more like it.
Anger and fear are emotional twins.* It seems that when I'm not feeling one, the other is there to step up to the plate.
Somewhere between my comfort food-laden dinner and talking with an old friend (he really is an old friend... the longest friendship I've ever had, actually) my pissy mood lightened. And I read a post by Chelsea Talks Smack and it reminded me of the good and simple things that make your heart feel better.
I am accepting all vibes from that positive direction and banning all negative thoughts, connotations and implications from the incessant mental barrage that serves as a constant newsfeed of Megan monologue into my conscious thought life.
Yes to thunderstorms and blankets out of the dryer and Mom's snuggles and Joshua's just-out-of-the-shower-smell.
Yes to pedicures and sunshine soaking into skin and Spanish flowing off my tongue with the fluidity of water and farmer's markets and the smell of suntan lotion.
Yes to meditation and peace and hope and love and gentleness and encouragement and perseverance and eternity and truth and light and nourishment and living water and quenched thirst and satisfaction and joy and strength and energy and patience and wisdom and glory.
Yes to relationships and intrinsic social needs and emotional health and a centered being and big ideas and bigger dreams and freedom.
Yes, yes, yes. Let it be.
Ciao, bella.
*Intelligent statements like these are rarely Megan originals. Generally they are outsourced from people like my therapist, parents or authors I have read. Credit where it's due, right?
I glowered right back. I was angry, too. Downright pissy is more like it.
Anger and fear are emotional twins.* It seems that when I'm not feeling one, the other is there to step up to the plate.
Somewhere between my comfort food-laden dinner and talking with an old friend (he really is an old friend... the longest friendship I've ever had, actually) my pissy mood lightened. And I read a post by Chelsea Talks Smack and it reminded me of the good and simple things that make your heart feel better.
I am accepting all vibes from that positive direction and banning all negative thoughts, connotations and implications from the incessant mental barrage that serves as a constant newsfeed of Megan monologue into my conscious thought life.
Yes to thunderstorms and blankets out of the dryer and Mom's snuggles and Joshua's just-out-of-the-shower-smell.
Yes to pedicures and sunshine soaking into skin and Spanish flowing off my tongue with the fluidity of water and farmer's markets and the smell of suntan lotion.
Yes to meditation and peace and hope and love and gentleness and encouragement and perseverance and eternity and truth and light and nourishment and living water and quenched thirst and satisfaction and joy and strength and energy and patience and wisdom and glory.
Yes to relationships and intrinsic social needs and emotional health and a centered being and big ideas and bigger dreams and freedom.
Yes, yes, yes. Let it be.
Ciao, bella.
*Intelligent statements like these are rarely Megan originals. Generally they are outsourced from people like my therapist, parents or authors I have read. Credit where it's due, right?
Snug as a bug in a rug
It's one of those days where my mood wants to match the weather.
The weather: Completely gray sky, slight drizzle, expected to turn into severe thunderstorms by 4:00 this afternoon.
It's actually my favorite kind of weather; not favorite kind of mood.
Last night I went over to my friends Amy and Cheri's place for our standing Tuesday-night dinner date. The menu was Japanese curry rice and orange slices, which was good, but left me sorely missing my roommate Julia and her Wonder Woman skills in la cocina. (I would try to say it in Japanese to be more authentic, but as I pointed out to Amy and Cheri last night, the only things I know how to say in Japanese are "thank you," "you're welcome," "are you okay?" and "I'm okay.")
I really enjoy hanging out with Amy and Cheri on Tuesday nights because it generally goes something like this:
We team-tag it for the making of some delectable dish (note to Amy: dish is delectable only if not infused with citrus peelings), while simultaneously gnawing on a crossword or puzzle of some sort. The conversation is mostly light but there are brief bouts of topics that touch the deeper things in life. Then we pull out the TV trays in the living room to enjoy our dinner while we sit on the couch in a line like three little birds on a telephone wire, saddled by two enormous dogs, and provide a complete running commentary on American Idol.
Here are my thoughts on the matter:
A) This makes me sound incredibly old-ladyish. (This also makes Amy and Cheri sound incredibly old-ladyish. I hope they don't mind.)
B) It makes me feel really good to know there are other people on the planet besides myself who enjoy an evening like that. Not that I don't like a night out on the town, but the comfort of being able to completely be myself and just lounge around, stuff my face and watch TV is nice.
C) This is a wonderful showcase of my completely addictive personality. Michelle and I don't have cable at our apartment and we never watch TV, only movies. So I was never into American Idol. Now I am addicted, shouting at the television like a banshee and urging Amy to call to vote for David Archuleta.
Tonight is budget night and ER catch-up night. Hopefully it will be a wonderfully rainy affair, and I will be as snug as a bug in a rug.
Easter break is so close I can taste it. Thank God. Back to work for me, now, though.
The weather: Completely gray sky, slight drizzle, expected to turn into severe thunderstorms by 4:00 this afternoon.
It's actually my favorite kind of weather; not favorite kind of mood.
Last night I went over to my friends Amy and Cheri's place for our standing Tuesday-night dinner date. The menu was Japanese curry rice and orange slices, which was good, but left me sorely missing my roommate Julia and her Wonder Woman skills in la cocina. (I would try to say it in Japanese to be more authentic, but as I pointed out to Amy and Cheri last night, the only things I know how to say in Japanese are "thank you," "you're welcome," "are you okay?" and "I'm okay.")
I really enjoy hanging out with Amy and Cheri on Tuesday nights because it generally goes something like this:
We team-tag it for the making of some delectable dish (note to Amy: dish is delectable only if not infused with citrus peelings), while simultaneously gnawing on a crossword or puzzle of some sort. The conversation is mostly light but there are brief bouts of topics that touch the deeper things in life. Then we pull out the TV trays in the living room to enjoy our dinner while we sit on the couch in a line like three little birds on a telephone wire, saddled by two enormous dogs, and provide a complete running commentary on American Idol.
Here are my thoughts on the matter:
A) This makes me sound incredibly old-ladyish. (This also makes Amy and Cheri sound incredibly old-ladyish. I hope they don't mind.)
B) It makes me feel really good to know there are other people on the planet besides myself who enjoy an evening like that. Not that I don't like a night out on the town, but the comfort of being able to completely be myself and just lounge around, stuff my face and watch TV is nice.
C) This is a wonderful showcase of my completely addictive personality. Michelle and I don't have cable at our apartment and we never watch TV, only movies. So I was never into American Idol. Now I am addicted, shouting at the television like a banshee and urging Amy to call to vote for David Archuleta.
Tonight is budget night and ER catch-up night. Hopefully it will be a wonderfully rainy affair, and I will be as snug as a bug in a rug.
Easter break is so close I can taste it. Thank God. Back to work for me, now, though.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Live like no one else
It's true that I'm a pretty black and white thinker.
I finished Funny in Farsi (read it!) and now I'm on to Kevin Leman's The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are. A characteristic of only children is that they tend to be black and white thinkers. And as a mostly-only, I think that applies to me.
But life is so gray. So, so gray.
I want to live like no one else. Or maybe that's not true. I want to live like few people live or have lived.
I'm taking a 13-week class about financial peace and the motto is "Live like no one else so that one day you can live like no one else." But this is more than just about money.
I find that my soul is stirred to live differently-- in life, in passion, in love, in generosity, in purpose, in self-worth, in the basic and mundane decisions. I don't want to live life and wake up one day and realize that it just kind of went on its merry way around me, and I was simply washed this way and that with time's ebb and flow. I want to be moving. Active. I want my life to have a current.
One of my friends once said that I have a fire shut up in my bones and I think that it's true. She also said that you can tell that I'm going to do amazing things... I'm still waiting on that. I think this is a time I'm supposed to be waiting, though. Healing. Growing.
My epiphany last week occurred when I was reading the biography of one of the directors of the Kids with Cameras foundation. Basically, boiled down to the essentials, my epiphany was this: If I want my life to be something, I have to just do it. Just start making the choices to set the ball rolling. If I sit here waiting in my desk chair, the life I want to live will always just be a dream.
The wonderful thing is that it's possible to live with a purpose and live in the gray. It's possible for me to be passionate about Jesus and not be one of those people who goes around condemning and judging and being bogged down by rules and a black and white list of what should or shouldn't be. It's possible to live a life of love and grace and truth in the gray. That's where Jesus lived it.
Oh, to be more like him.
I finished Funny in Farsi (read it!) and now I'm on to Kevin Leman's The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are. A characteristic of only children is that they tend to be black and white thinkers. And as a mostly-only, I think that applies to me.
But life is so gray. So, so gray.
I want to live like no one else. Or maybe that's not true. I want to live like few people live or have lived.
I'm taking a 13-week class about financial peace and the motto is "Live like no one else so that one day you can live like no one else." But this is more than just about money.
I find that my soul is stirred to live differently-- in life, in passion, in love, in generosity, in purpose, in self-worth, in the basic and mundane decisions. I don't want to live life and wake up one day and realize that it just kind of went on its merry way around me, and I was simply washed this way and that with time's ebb and flow. I want to be moving. Active. I want my life to have a current.
One of my friends once said that I have a fire shut up in my bones and I think that it's true. She also said that you can tell that I'm going to do amazing things... I'm still waiting on that. I think this is a time I'm supposed to be waiting, though. Healing. Growing.
My epiphany last week occurred when I was reading the biography of one of the directors of the Kids with Cameras foundation. Basically, boiled down to the essentials, my epiphany was this: If I want my life to be something, I have to just do it. Just start making the choices to set the ball rolling. If I sit here waiting in my desk chair, the life I want to live will always just be a dream.
The wonderful thing is that it's possible to live with a purpose and live in the gray. It's possible for me to be passionate about Jesus and not be one of those people who goes around condemning and judging and being bogged down by rules and a black and white list of what should or shouldn't be. It's possible to live a life of love and grace and truth in the gray. That's where Jesus lived it.
Oh, to be more like him.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Mid-week
Oh, I am so jonesin' for a weekend right now. We get a four-day weekend over Easter, and I absolutely cannot wait to do all the things I've been meaning to do but never seem to have the energy for.
I am full of random thoughts tonight, which include but are not limited to:
-language acquisition
-world geography
-military necessity and grandiosity
-my lack of knowledge of U.S. and world history
-the upcoming presidential election
-graduate school and its relation to my epiphany
-laundry
-sleep
I picked up Funny in Farsi and Leman's The Birth Order Book yesterday at the biblioteca. Funny in Farsi is truly laugh out loud funny and my book recommendation of the month. I love the library and I love reading, and I love learning and I love sleeping.
Of all of those things, I especially need more sleep right now, so I am going to go scrub up and then get to it.
Electric heating blanket. Check.
Feather pillow. Check.
Teddy bear. Check.
Boyfriend to snuggle with.
Sigh. Oh well.
Blanket, pillow and bear will have to do. I am pretty sure I'll be out in two seconds.
Ciao, bella.
I am full of random thoughts tonight, which include but are not limited to:
-language acquisition
-world geography
-military necessity and grandiosity
-my lack of knowledge of U.S. and world history
-the upcoming presidential election
-graduate school and its relation to my epiphany
-laundry
-sleep
I picked up Funny in Farsi and Leman's The Birth Order Book yesterday at the biblioteca. Funny in Farsi is truly laugh out loud funny and my book recommendation of the month. I love the library and I love reading, and I love learning and I love sleeping.
Of all of those things, I especially need more sleep right now, so I am going to go scrub up and then get to it.
Electric heating blanket. Check.
Feather pillow. Check.
Teddy bear. Check.
Boyfriend to snuggle with.
Sigh. Oh well.
Blanket, pillow and bear will have to do. I am pretty sure I'll be out in two seconds.
Ciao, bella.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Inquiring minds want to know
I've been inconsistent in my blogging lately. Mainly because I've either been tired, or emotional, or both. And tonight I've got places to go and people to see, so this will be short and sweet. But I'll give you today's... Top Seven. By the way, dinner a la Chef Megan was fabulous. I'll post the recipe if anyone is interested. It's one of those vegetarian recipes where carnivores won't miss the meat, you know what I mean?
Today's Top Seven:
1- My boss and I have decided that I am going to write her memoir. She has lead an interesting life, I am interested in writing memoirs, it's a good combination. Maybe I shall post excerpts here as they imagine themselves into print. What do you say?
2- Gas is getting so expensive I think I need a second job. I could only shake my head in dismay at the gas pump this evening as I filled up my boat. (I call my car my boat because it's as big as a boat. In times like these, only the rich or the undisciplined can afford to fill up a car and a boat up with gas.)
3- How can you take a police car seriously when it has a scenic mountain mural painted on the side of it? Inquiring minds want to know.
4- I am thinking of going to grad school. In Denver.
5- I had an epiphany today. It will have to wait for some other evening when I have ample opportunity to sort out my thoughts. But grad school and this epiphany are related.
6- Colors are fabulous, rotting African violets are not.
7- I am going to the library tonight and I have a list of books to take with me. I compiled this list while looking at a Random House catalog that was mailed to the college and ended up in my office. It's basically a list of their suggestions for required freshman reading. I was like a kid in a candy store. Am I a huge nerd? Yes.
Ciao, bella.
Today's Top Seven:
1- My boss and I have decided that I am going to write her memoir. She has lead an interesting life, I am interested in writing memoirs, it's a good combination. Maybe I shall post excerpts here as they imagine themselves into print. What do you say?
2- Gas is getting so expensive I think I need a second job. I could only shake my head in dismay at the gas pump this evening as I filled up my boat. (I call my car my boat because it's as big as a boat. In times like these, only the rich or the undisciplined can afford to fill up a car and a boat up with gas.)
3- How can you take a police car seriously when it has a scenic mountain mural painted on the side of it? Inquiring minds want to know.
4- I am thinking of going to grad school. In Denver.
5- I had an epiphany today. It will have to wait for some other evening when I have ample opportunity to sort out my thoughts. But grad school and this epiphany are related.
6- Colors are fabulous, rotting African violets are not.
7- I am going to the library tonight and I have a list of books to take with me. I compiled this list while looking at a Random House catalog that was mailed to the college and ended up in my office. It's basically a list of their suggestions for required freshman reading. I was like a kid in a candy store. Am I a huge nerd? Yes.
Ciao, bella.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Chef Megan
Tonight I am making cannelloni stuffed with broccoli and ricotta cheese baked in a garlic marinara sauce topped with fresh grated parmesan cheese. Dinner shall be served with spinach and kale salad with a raspberry vinaigrette dressing and perfectly toasted garlic bread.
Don't you wish you were dining with me tonight?
I am also taking tomorrow off of work, which makes this delectable dinner the perfect beginning to a long weekend, provided I do not burn it.
Don't you wish you were dining with me tonight?
I am also taking tomorrow off of work, which makes this delectable dinner the perfect beginning to a long weekend, provided I do not burn it.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Excerpt from The World by Henry Vaughan
I saw Eternity the other night,
Like a great ring of pure and endless light,
All calm, as it was bright ;
And round beneath it, Time in hours, days, years
Driv'n by the spheres
Like a vast shadow mov'd ; in which the world
And all her train were hurl'd.
Like a great ring of pure and endless light,
All calm, as it was bright ;
And round beneath it, Time in hours, days, years
Driv'n by the spheres
Like a vast shadow mov'd ; in which the world
And all her train were hurl'd.
Front porch fantasies
We found the cave.
There were adventures with yellow ropes, baby bats and perilous cliffhanging—in the literal sense. And Amy and Cheri came along this time and they are experts at scaling rock walls in the dark with only a yellow rope for assistance and encouraging mere weaklings like myself to have some balls and climb through tiny, tight spaces that make me panicky.
At the mouth of the cave there is a mailbox with various items inside, including a worn leather journal entitled Rumbling Bald’s Adventure Cache Log Book and we of course added our two cents: “There are more adventures to be had at the end of the yellow rope. Ooooooooooh!” (I added the “Oooooooooooh” part.) We will be back. The Asheville Spelunking Club we have named ourselves. Yeah, baby.
Subject change --> I love Madeleine L’Engle. I’ve read one of her books in particular over and over and am currently in the process yet again, and I’m in love. The spine is completely broken in and it bends this way and that, and the pages are yellowed and stained and it just fits in my hands with the most comfortable perfection imaginable. The way L’Engle uses words… her descriptions are so delicately provocative in this gently tantalizing way that leaves you hungry for more and feeling like you’ve been wrapped in a blanket just out of the dryer all at the same time.
Favorite passage of the day:
“When Mother had finished, nobody said anything. I was sitting on the floor by Grandfather’s couch, leaning back against it. Daddy and Rob were on the swing. John and Adam had their chairs titled back, leaning against the porch rail. Suzy sat on the floor near Mother. The fan whirred slowly above us, stirring the sluggish air. A moth beat its pale wings against the screen. There was no need for words."
I can be such a drama queen. Josh’s sister Michelle is always calling me out on it. I love her for that.
I am desperately aching for a front porch of my own—just for a week-long vacation even. In the mountains or on a beachfront, I don’t care… just give me a front porch and a papasan chair and this book and fading skylight and I will be very, very happy.
Working while everyone else at the college gets Spring Break except for us staff bites.
But a secret to contentment is allowing yourself to complain about absolutely nothing, so I shall strike those words from my lips and simply keep daydreaming about a front porch and reading, reading, reading, and grilled vegetables and creamy pastas at twilight eaten on a table on said porch with candlelit lanterns all around. Sigh of bliss.
Ciao, bella.
There were adventures with yellow ropes, baby bats and perilous cliffhanging—in the literal sense. And Amy and Cheri came along this time and they are experts at scaling rock walls in the dark with only a yellow rope for assistance and encouraging mere weaklings like myself to have some balls and climb through tiny, tight spaces that make me panicky.
At the mouth of the cave there is a mailbox with various items inside, including a worn leather journal entitled Rumbling Bald’s Adventure Cache Log Book and we of course added our two cents: “There are more adventures to be had at the end of the yellow rope. Ooooooooooh!” (I added the “Oooooooooooh” part.) We will be back. The Asheville Spelunking Club we have named ourselves. Yeah, baby.
Subject change --> I love Madeleine L’Engle. I’ve read one of her books in particular over and over and am currently in the process yet again, and I’m in love. The spine is completely broken in and it bends this way and that, and the pages are yellowed and stained and it just fits in my hands with the most comfortable perfection imaginable. The way L’Engle uses words… her descriptions are so delicately provocative in this gently tantalizing way that leaves you hungry for more and feeling like you’ve been wrapped in a blanket just out of the dryer all at the same time.
Favorite passage of the day:
“When Mother had finished, nobody said anything. I was sitting on the floor by Grandfather’s couch, leaning back against it. Daddy and Rob were on the swing. John and Adam had their chairs titled back, leaning against the porch rail. Suzy sat on the floor near Mother. The fan whirred slowly above us, stirring the sluggish air. A moth beat its pale wings against the screen. There was no need for words."
I love chairs leaning against porch rails. And I love the drama of “there was no need for words.”
I can be such a drama queen. Josh’s sister Michelle is always calling me out on it. I love her for that.
I am desperately aching for a front porch of my own—just for a week-long vacation even. In the mountains or on a beachfront, I don’t care… just give me a front porch and a papasan chair and this book and fading skylight and I will be very, very happy.
Working while everyone else at the college gets Spring Break except for us staff bites.
But a secret to contentment is allowing yourself to complain about absolutely nothing, so I shall strike those words from my lips and simply keep daydreaming about a front porch and reading, reading, reading, and grilled vegetables and creamy pastas at twilight eaten on a table on said porch with candlelit lanterns all around. Sigh of bliss.
Ciao, bella.
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