Saturday wasn't my fault...

... but yesterday was absolutely too gorgeous of a day to be sitting inside at the computer.

For real, though.

Saturday the internet was down when I sat down to blog. Yesterday was 70 degrees in JANUARY, people. Joshua, Michelle and I took ourselves down to the local park, slung up Eno hammocks between a nice little triangle of trees, and laid in the shade while reading the beginning of Amy Carmichael's biography. It was gorgeous. The park was full of people, young and old, and so many dogs! Cutter accompanied us and took in the beautiful day alongside us.

Other highlights from this weekend: buying the new Amos Lee CD (with a gift card, which makes it double the fun), going over to the Ledfords' and enjoying some delicious grilled food (including grilled pineapple, which might be one of my favorite things ever) and playing with all of their high-tech gadgets. Has anyone ever seen/heard of a Google television? I hadn't until Saturday night, and my world is forever changed. Lord help us.

Also was introduced to this guy. Watch some of his stuff. It's brilliantly creative and he's got some mad editing skills and musical talent. How would you like to do that for a full-time job? This one and this one are my favorites so far. 

Day 26

Today I was the last one to finish the WOD at my 7:00 a.m. CF class. As soon as I got one round in, I thought, There's no way I'm going to be able to finish this. I might as well tell Shanna [one of the trainers] I'm going to stop. One by one everyone finished before me, until it was just me and another lady. The 8:00 a.m. class was starting to fill up the gym. But that's when the cheering started. "You got this" and "keep it up, Megan" and people getting down at eye level while I'm dying through my last round of burpees. I would've given up on myself, but the community at CFA wouldn't give up on me. I am so thankful for these people and this environment.

Strength/Skill - Clean below the knees 3x3 and Clean 3x3 (28#)

WOD - Complete the following for time:

20 burpees

10 power cleans (70% previous 3RM - 38#)

16 burpees

8 power cleans

12 burpees

6 power cleans

8 burpees

4 power cleans

4 burpees

2 power cleans

11:10

Week in Pictures

If you have never checked out at MSNBC's Week in Pictures, you need to check it out. Moments captured in eternity that will break your heart, make you laugh, and cause you to realize how blessed you are.

It's images like these that inspire me to keep photographing life. Not that portraits aren't stunning, but something about the raw factor of these photojournalistic captures just does it for me. This is what it means to be a photographer for me. 

Thursday's Gratitude

I have to admit that I'm in kind of a bad mood tonight. And uninspired to write.

But today I was inspired to be grateful.

When I wake up in the mornings, I have a habit of getting on the computer to wake myself up. The blue light from the computer monitor does the trick. Anyways, I logged onto Facebook to see a comment someone had left me and on my news feed someone had posted a clip from American Idol. They made a comment about it, saying that they believed the guy was legit, and it made me curious to watch.

It turned out to be a very heart-wrenching story about a young guy who was engaged to be married to the love of his life, and two months before their wedding his fiancee got into an automobile accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. She survived, but is paralyzed and displays the same symptoms of someone who has had a severe stroke. The guy takes care of her with her mother, and they never got married. He said something to the effect of, "I was about to make vows to this woman-- 'in sickness and in health, till death do us part'-- what kind of guy would I be if I left when she needs me most?" It was inspiring and heartbreaking all at the same time.

After the clip was over (Joshua was watching by this point, too), we knelt down and thanked God for all of our blessings. All I could think of is how horrible it would be if Joshua could never smile at me again, or reach out to touch me. Certainly puts things in perspective. Including this cranky mood I'm in now. I think I'll go smile at my husband and give him a hug.

Here is the link if you wanted to watch.

Day 24

CFA again today...

Strength/skill - Shoulder press at 1-0-3-1 tempo, 28# 5 sets 8 reps

WOD - 3 rounds of: AMRAP in 2 min 5 DL (40% 5RM = 38#), 30 SU; 1 min rest; AMRAP in 2 min 5 ring dips (blue band), 10 wall balls (yellow ball)

8 DL/SU

7 + 5RD RD/WB

I didn't want to die today. That was a plus.

Toastmasters

Anyone out there ever heard of Toastmasters International?

I went to an open house meeting for the Mission chapter of Toastmasters today. It was certainly interesting... I had never been to a "club" type meeting before where there are officers and formality. It was entertaining, and a bit intimidating, and inspiring. I am considering becoming a member. I have always enjoyed public speaking and the last time I had to give a speech was my freshman speech class at UCF. That class is what led me to pursue my major in interpersonal communication. I am still fascinated by that topic, and I think it would be fun to get back into public presentations. And it makes me nervous. And you should do what you're afraid of more often, right?

On a completely other note, I am considering trying acupuncture. Has anyone ever done that? It kind of creeps me out a little, to think of being a human porcupine... but if it works, well then it works. 

Compartmentalization

I don't think that I believe in compartmentalization.

Today I had a personal situation happen that caused me to feel emotionally upset in the middle of the workday. As a result, when I had an issue arise at work that usually wouldn't make me blink, I had a knee-jerk emotional reaction that first manifested as irritation followed by an intense bubble up of emotion. When I felt that bubble rising I recognized that this was not work related. Thankfully I was able to step back and give myself a few moments before tackling my work again. That respite (Heather, what does respite mean? *wink*) gave me a minute to assess myself and figure out what was really going on, and address it.

I view compartmentalization as the opposite of assessing and addressing. It's kind of like feeling that emotional bubble rise to the surface and immediately shoving it down inside and slamming the lid on it. Now I come from some good English stock, and we have propriety passed down through the bloodlines. So I'm not going to say that it's okay for someone to drag all their personal mess into the workplace. But I don't believe in the philosophy of "leave your problems at the front door." Sometimes things happen in life that strain the essence of our beings, and sometimes we even feel broken. I don't believe in forcing another human being to leave their brokenness at the door. I think that this attitude is just another evidence that our culture does not know how to deal in intimacy or grief. This "leave it at home" mentality does not enhance community, trust, or valuing one another. And honestly-- although we rarely stop to shove ourselves into this paradigm shift-- when it's all said and done, relationships are what matter in this life. When the fit hits the shan, the melange of things that we normally occupy our lives with vanishes and we become immediately and only concerned with our relationships.

Am I right or am I right?

P.S. Melange was totally my word of the day today. 

crap

The conversation between me and Joshua as we dance around the kitchen making Japanese curry for dinner:


Me: "I need to blog."
Joshua: "Do you have something to blog about?"
"No."
"What do you write about when you don't have anything to say?"
"Crap."
"Crap? I don't get it."

Day 21

Tomorrow begins week four... I can hardly believe that in a week I will have made it a month on this paleo journey.

Highlights: I had a cheat meal. We got some unexpected money to go on a date, and Joshua took me to Texas Roadhouse. I really, really, REALLY wanted to eat a yeast roll. So I did. Just one. I also had a Caesar salad (I stuck with steak and steamed veggies for dinner). The roll was actually really good. I didn't feel bad after eating it. The salad made me kind of queasy. Joshua and I got into an argument over my cheating... which turned into a very good discussion about addiction that we probably needed to have. Kind of ruined our date, though.

I don't regret my cheating behavior; I am actually pretty proud of myself that I didn't binge on bread. I could've done without the salad, but that roll was worth it. Bread still tastes good.

I'm back to good Challenge behavior. We've spent tonight cooking... pot roast, breakfast potatoes, broccoli, chicken... I am using coconut oil for the first time and I'm pretty excited about it. We also went shopping at Earth Fare yesterday and found some "paleo friendly" ice cream, made with organic coconut milk and agave nectar. The agave isn't really paleo allowed, but it's essentially the same as honey for me, and I have been dying for a good dessert. It's wonderful.

I have been leaning too heavily on potatoes... I need to ease up on that. But I've lost 7 lbs. in the past three weeks and I'm freaking proud of that.

fun with Shell Bell

Sundays are family day. Today I wanted to do something creative so we decided to have a photo shoot with Shell Bell. I'll put some photos together to show you, but here's a cute one. 

Can't believe she's getting married in August! I love this girl. 

mind over matter

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." Carols Castaneda

How true is that quote! Another one, which is a Doris Howard essential, is "Life's circumstances will either make you bitter or better... it's your choice." Putting these ideas into practice is a bit easier said than done, however. It's so easy to wallow in self-pity and negativity, especially if it is a habit formed by years of practice. I think I have been guilty of covering up my issues with pleasure. Now that I am fasting from my go-to "pleasure" standbys, I have come face to face with certain things that I have heretofore (my boss uses this word all the time and it makes me laugh... who really says "heretofore" anymore?) dealt with using that age-old tactic of avoidance. Now that these issues are surfacing, I find myself faced with the choice of bitter or better, miserable or happy. I am reaching for better and happy. There is an amount of work that goes into it, though, and I think I might just be lazy.

Today I feel...

... young and untried, like a new Thoroughbred eager to eat up the ground in long strides. I like the feeling of working hard, accomplishing things, and going home to rest knowing that I've done a good job. This has been a good week. 


My mind wants to stretch, learn, grow, and dig deep to make me what I'm capable of. That's a pleasant feeling. 


My body wants to eat bread. With butter. 

extra long

Today I am working extra long hours so that I can go to all the shift meetings for our department. 6a, 12p, 6p, 12a. In between the last two now. At Grammy's for some beef stew... what a nice caveat in the day.

What kind of day have you had?

Day 17

I am discovering that I am an emotional eater. Sad? Eat. Overwhelmed? Eat. Really, though, it's not just eating... it's eating comfort foods. Heavy, salty foods. Today I want-- I WANT-- mozzarella sticks something fierce.

Missed a week of CrossFit due to transitioning to a new job. Switched to a morning class and went for the first time this morning.

Strength/Skill - Back squat @ 3-1-1 tempo. Worked up to 65# but at that final weight it was hard for me to make the 1 second drive up.

WOD - AMRAP in 7:00 of 7 pull-ups (green and purple bands) and 7 burpees. Completed 5 rounds.

I want to cheat and eat something non-paleo SO bad today. I am tired of broccoli.

Self-discovery

I think I'm testing my own mettle. Taking away my creature comforts has been a challenge, for sure... tests my weaknesses, shows me where I find my strength. I should be glad for the lesson in self-discovery, but today I'm a little bitter because I am JONESIN' for some mozzarella sticks. 

Bah humbug. 

Ambulance protocol

Tonight on my way home, I was on a divided highway on on the other side of the road I saw an ambulance coming down the hill ahead of me. Kindly, two drivers pulled over to the right as far as possible (no real shoulders to pull off on). It warmed my heart a little... in our increasingly self-centered society, it was nice to see strangers giving way in order to help someone else in trouble. 


But I do have a question about ambulance protocol. When you are on the interstate and an ambulance comes up behind you, are you supposed to pull off the road? I think that is dangerous on a road where the speed limit is 70mph. I usually just get in the right hand lane, leaving the fast lane open for the ambulance to pass by. Does anyone know the real protocol in that situation, though?

new digs

Moved into a new office space today at work, to go along with a transfer to another department. It's been a day full of boxes.


Not much time to sit and sort through thoughts tonight... we're leaving in a few minutes and I'm trying to get dinner ready in the meantime for the whole family. Chili and cornbread (can't eat the cornbread... stink). It's a good day for chili and cornbread... a gray, wintery day. 


Everything is a jumble. Too hurried to try to straighten it out... I figure it will all be there tomorrow if I'm granted another day.

Spaghetti Squash

I've just completed week two (of 12) of my Challenge. I am finding that my taste for super-sweet foods is diminishing bit by bit, and the less sugar-filled varieties are becoming more enjoyable. Last night Joshua and I decided to try spaghetti squash after reading about it on a paleo forum.

Squash as a substitute for spaghetti? I thought it was going to be a long shot. But we found some dairy-free, gluten-free, no sugar added marinara sauce at the health food store and added some ground beef to it for a good Italian meat sauce and proceeded to give the squash a shot.

It was easy enough-- cut the sucker in half, lengthwise; remove the pulp; and then place face down on a cookie sheet and bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. When it's done you run a fork along the tender inside and strips of squash peel off that are just the same size and shape as spaghetti noodles. Top with the meat sauce and go for it.

The squash has a super-mild taste and the consistency of an al dente pasta. It was delicious, and I didn't miss regular spaghetti at all. I mean, you really never even taste the pasta anyway... it is just something for the sauce to stick to. Why not get another vegetable in and skip the noodles?

I think that another factor contributing to the expansion of my normally picky palette is that I am hungry... most of the time (not eating grains prevents you from getting that "full" feeling). So when you are hungry, lots of things that you normally might not try get a green light... and they are satisfying to boot.

Win.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to my dear friend, Heather Heather.

You make me remember bumblebees and packing peanuts, sneaky body odor sniffs, ecosystems growing in trunks, getting stuck on a rock in the middle of a roaring river, and laughing until I pee. You are beautiful, hilarious, and creative... and I love you and miss you!

Please come visit me soon. Or be available when I visit my mother for her 50th birthday. 

Happy birthday, beloved friend... may this next trip around the sun be everything you hope for and more!

Friday!!!

Oh, I have not been this glad to see a Friday in a looooooong time. 

Step one: Relax beneath the warm glow of candlelight tonight.

Step two: Sleep in as long as humanly possible tomorrow.

Step three: Get our space ORGANIZED.

Step four: Enjoy homemade paleo food (made these stuffed bell peppers tonight that were de-lish... looking forward to trying some spaghetti squash later this weekend).

Step five: Visit the library. Devour books.

Step six: Exert some energy. Run, WOD, whatever.

Step seven: Delight.

How's that for seven steps to a stellar weekend? 

poetry

Is anyone else amazed that January is almost half gone?

I wrote a poem. One of my goals is to write poetry. Notice there’s no adjective in there… it doesn’t have to be good poetry. Keep that in mind.

Starcomber

Last night I saw You

Walking among the stars

They moved softly around Your feet and parted before You

Like waves breaking around Your footsteps on the seashore.

You looked at me from Your place in the heavens

And with frank eyes You told me that I belong there, too

Why, You asked, am I so satisfied with the paltry baubles of this earth

When I was made to walk through stars with You?

That, I’m almost certain, is not good poetry. But meaningful to me.

Day 11

I had a rather frustrating moment with myself last night.

I am learning a lot about nutrition and how our bodies work and keys to staying healthy, all rather coincidentally, it seems. Last night I was (again) learning about the damage that fructose has on our bodies. Soda in general. Did you know (and you might, but I didn’t) that if you drink one can of Coke per day for a year, and you never burn off those excess calories, that by the end of the year you will have gained 15.6 pounds of fat? That explains what happened to me last year…

Anyway, most recent revelation—an endocrinologist explained the “secret formula” that keeps people so addicted to soda. Did you know that soda has a diuretic in it? Makes you pee fluid water. Have you also noticed how much sodium soda has in it? Tell me, what happens when your body expels much of its fluid water and then you consume large quantities of salt? You are thirsty.

Do you see how this is all adding up? Diuretic to make you pee. Sodium to make you thirsty. HFCS to cover up the taste of salt. Caffeine to provide you a subtle stimulant. It’s a recipe concocted to keep you drinking. The companies that produce these drinks aren’t ignorant of this.

Doesn’t that sound horrible? It does.

So why, oh why, do I seem to be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? There is one (intelligent) part of me that realized the horror of what’s going on, the fact that I am allowing myself to be victimized by a greedy, money-making scheme invented by a company that obviously cares nothing about the obesity epidemic in our country. I see the terrible consequences of consuming so much fructose and how it could potentially rob me of my health. And yet… there is still this (very strong, insistent) side of me that doesn’t care. That side cares about taste, and enjoyment, and pleasure. That side can block out all of the facts and revel in the fizzy bubbles and sweet, satisfying taste.

Hence my frustrating moment with myself last night. Really, it was anger. I don’t understand how I can have such head knowledge about things and still desire to make harmful choices. Joshua pointed out that this equates to spirituality as well… and life in general. Addictions to toxicity.

I think, as far as diet is concerned, I am going to strive for balance. For instance, I can guarantee you that after the Challenge is up, I will be eating butter again. (Didn’t anyone ever tell these people that the “secret to life is butter”? Name that movie.) But I hope that I can look at food differently. Every meal is not my last. There will be ample opportunities to enjoy x, y, and z. I don’t need to eat them all this week.

thoughts for the day

It’s hard to believe it has been a year since the earthquake in Haiti. I hate to be a Debbie Downer (sorry, Deborah, but it’s just the saying), but I wonder what the natural disaster of the year will be in 2011? It’s sad to say that my awareness of global disasters really only started in 2004 when there was a major tsunami on the other side of the world. Since then, I’ve been paying attention. And every year some type of disaster inevitably throws millions of people into the kind of tailspin that changes your life forever…  and bursts into the American media for a week, maybe two. Then we’re back to The Bachelor and whoever else is wearing the least amount of clothes that month. Sad. So much suffering, and we are like ostriches with our heads in the sand.

One of my spiritual heroes is Francis Chan. He always makes me take a real hard look at my motivations and my choices, and he exemplifies a life that is simply wrapped up in God… it’s about God, for God, with God. I want that for my own life, and so he is a role model to me. If you aren’t familiar with Francis, he is the former pastor of a church in Simi Valley, CA called Cornerstone. (He wrote the books Crazy Love and Forgotten God as well… I’d recommend both.) I doubt I will ever meet him on this side of eternity, but I continue to be mentored by his teachings, and I pray that God will plant His truth deep into my heart.

After Francis resigned from Cornerstone earlier this year, he and his family sold their home and went overseas for a few months to several countries in Asia to serve among the poor. I would give anything for Joshua and I to be able to do the same. I hope that after Joshua gets his RN, maybe we will. I know that Joshua left part of his heart in India and I have an inexplicable urge to go to Asia. Maybe it’s not so inexplicable.

We’ll see what becomes of us. For now… patience, growth, surrender, and trust. I wonder if God asked me to sell all of my possessions and give myself to the poor, if I would have the gumption to obey. It’s a gnawing question for this sojourner living the life of a middle-class American.

Daydreaming of the apocalypse

Well, this is a little different than daydreaming of the apocalypse (which will be a terrifying day). But I do often daydream about what it would be like if disaster (or terrorism) struck and our entire American way of doing life was annihilated. Just think… you may own your house, but you don’t make your own electricity or have your own water source. You may cook your own food, but you don’t know how to grow it, or even know what’s in season. You may sew your own clothes, but you don’t know how to make your own cotton fabric, or know how to get wool from a sheep’s hide to socks on your feet.

Joshua was telling me yesterday about a house being built here in Asheville that is “off the grid”—meaning, they are actually harnessing their own electricity (using solar panels) and selling what they don’t use back to the electric company for a profit. They collect their own water, harvest their own shiitake mushrooms (did you know that you actually have to drill holes in a log and insert the fungus?), and get rid of their waste with a septic system that turns everything into ash and pumps it back out into the earth as fertilizer. The house is so well-insulated (with hemp and clay from the site) that there is no need for a heater or for AC and the insulation ratings are double what are required for the standard American home. Apparently you can tour the place for $15 and Joshua and I are thinking about doing that one Saturday. This kind of green, self-sustaining building holds infinite interest for Joshua, and the self-reliant homestead holds equal interest for me.    

I daydream about growing my own food and making my own butter and cheese, raising my own livestock and learning to make textiles. I find it a bit frightening that if the electric companies suddenly all shut their doors, many people in this country wouldn’t even know how to go about obtaining food after the supermarket aisles ran dry. In our age of technological advancement (which is honestly nothing short of amazing and in a way reminds me of Babel), we have abandoned the art of self-reliance. We are dependent upon our system of food and materials production, which, by the way, has not offered us a guarantee of not petering out at some point.

I want to learn how to weave a basket, hand-dip a candle, milk a cow, churn my own butter, work a loom, eat in season, collect herbs and make medicinal tinctures, cook on a woodstove… the list is almost endless. Lucky for me, I live in possibly the absolute perfect city to learn the art of self-sustainable living.

The beautiful part of it is, learning the art of making things yourself does not exclude the need for community. There is no way one person could run a homestead. Someone works with textiles, someone works the land, someone works with livestock. It is a beautiful patchwork of reliance upon one another and appreciation of skill and labor instead of dependence upon an isolating, money-driven system. Sign me up for class.   

Day 9 - The Things You Don't Know

Today, I learned something I didn’t know. I seem to be doing that a lot lately as far as diet and health are concerned.

The television was on in the break room at work… some morning show. I was warming up my breakfast and the health segment of the show came on. It was some doctor who just wrote a book about eating to beat diabetes. This, of course, piqued my interest—due to the fact that I am trying to cut out sugar and also due to the fact that before I began the Challenge, Joshua had really been concerned about the amount of sugar I was consuming daily and my family history of adult-onset diabetes. Anyways, my attention was grabbed and I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to be watching television. I’ll give myself a free pass since I was watching something related to my health. So I watched this segment where the doctor was revealing all the sugar that hides in foods that are fat free, etc. But what really got me was that in a lot of foods that advertise being “sugar free” there is an enormous amount of starch, which the body converts into sugar. I didn’t even know that. I have not cut out eating potatoes and corn (although I am monitoring how much I eat of them), which I know to be starchy vegetables. My battle with insidious sugar continues.

I thought about this for awhile, and decided that I think I would like to be able to eat a small amount of potatoes and corn during my Challenge. Meaning, I will not be eating potatoes and corn every day, nor will they replace the green veggies that I know need to make up the majority of my diet (still struggling with that one). But after some consideration, I think that if I step up my activity level beyond CFA (as in, walking or running several times a week) those two veggies shouldn’t kill me or prevent me from losing weight or feeling great. We’ll see though. This is only the beginning of Week 2… if I feel like those foods are becoming heavy or making me sluggish, I will cut them out.

So far, I have not felt an increase in my energy levels. I am waiting for that… everyone says it will come. I am going to give myself three weeks to feel a change before I start wondering if something is wrong. I have been pretty fatigued, though. Some of it is mental fatigue, I know. I need to find meaningful ways to refresh my spirit during this journey. It is very easy for me to become discouraged.

I have a genuine interest in our nation’s health and I hope one day I will be able to pay it forward and help those people who need it. I truly believe that much of it has to do with our culture’s transition to a supermarket and fast food nation, the increase in technology (which is great but has led to a sedentary lifestyle), and genuine ignorance on the part of the average American. The statistics about obesity in our country are alarming, and my heart really goes out to those who struggle with significant weight loss. I would love to open up a gym (CFA-style) one day that is especially for those who struggle with obesity that are really ready to make a change. But first I want to set the example in my own life. So the journey continues…

Forgetting

I'm 25 years old and I'm already forgetting things as if I were 80. 

My keys. My phone. My shoes. My purse. 

One reason that I'm glad that I'm doing this 365 project is because I don't want to forget another year. Sure, sometimes things seem mundane, and I'm sure there will be plenty of days where I think, what the heck am I supposed to write about? But it will be a record of a year, nonetheless. 

One of my dear friends wrote a Christmas letter that she sent to friends and family. One, I don't think I will ever be the type who gets out an annual Christmas letter, even though I like receiving them. I am just not that punctual. Or succinct. Two, after reading Heather's letter, I realized I couldn't remember 2010. Like, even the big events. Of course, after a few minutes of concentrated effort, I can remember some things. Getting a new job at the hospital. Performing in Godspell. Joshua starting the RN program. But the everyday memories are annoyingly absent. 

So forgive me if my posts ever start to bore... I just want to record moments that I want to remember. Like how beautiful this snow was. And how I was able to leave work early, so I went sledding and threw snowballs and stood in a friend's kitchen catching up with beautiful Sue this afternoon who is one of those people in life that you just really admire and want to be like when you grow up. And how I miss watching my favorite shows, but I am so happy to make the time to go to the library and snuggle up with some of my favorite authors this winter. Speaking of favorite authors, I'd like some suggestions-- any good books you've read lately that you would recommend? Comment, please.  

Still haven't taken our Christmas lights down...
It keeps snowing and I won't let Joshua up on the roof. :)

Day 8

I’ve officially got one week under my belt. It’s probably the longest I’ve ever stuck to something regarding my eating habits, other than my year-long bout of vegetarianism (ummm… could I be any further from that now? haha).

Week one in review:

Eat a “paleo” diet, including lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, and oils that come from nuts and seeds (plus olive and coconut oil). No sugar, dairy, or grains. Plenty of water. Honey and organic peanut butter allowed. I think I did pretty good on the diet aspect. I ate some corn and (natural) popcorn this week and I am unclear on if corn is actually a grain or not… I think that it probably is, because of the full feeling it gives me after I eat it. Nothing else I ate this week made me feel that way… which has taken some getting used to. I need to be eating more vegetables (incorporating them into every meal).

No TV (including Hulu and Netflix). Take time to work on goals/desires listed on my 101 in 1001 lists instead. Stuck to the no TV goal. It was hard at first, but now I am really enjoying the time it frees up in my schedule. I started reading again which I haven’t done in forever and forgot how much I love sitting down with a good book.

No computer use after 8:30 p.m. Set a specific time to blog each day so that I am not crammed up against that deadline. I am enjoying this, too. It’s not hard to keep.

Pray intentionally about using food and entertainment as coping devices and journey with God into the deeper heart issues at hand. Haven’t really delved into this yet.

Try not to be too crabby at Joshua as I go through the “detox” phase. Trying… he says I’ve done better than he expected.

Whenever I am tempted to eat or drink something I shouldn’t, remember that it is not the last opportunity I’ll ever have to eat/drink ________. I haven’t had too many temptations. Today it is snowing and it is a perfect day to be cozy and I was wishing earlier that I could drink some hot chocolate. It wasn’t because I was actually craving it, it was just that I thought it would go perfectly with the weather. I’m into that sort of thing and not being able to match foods to events or moods because they aren’t sugar/dairy/grain-free is a little disappointing. Takes some of the joy out of the eating process for me. I think I might be a foodie.

Enjoy an active lifestyle! Go to a class at CrossFit Asheville twice per week, start training walks for the 3-Day Walk in September, start running again, incorporate swimming into my fitness regimen, go hiking with Joshua and friends, explore new places and activities, do an “at home” WOD once per week on an off-CrossFit day. I have been really tired this first week. I went to both CFA classes, but other than a quick walk one evening, the rest of my time has been pretty sedentary.

Let myself cry if I need to. Twice in one week. I’m just trying to go with the flow.

Get at least eight hours of sleep per night. Use candles instead of man-made lights after sundown when possible. Everyone at CFA has stressed the importance of getting enough sleep, so this has been a major focus for me. The candles have mainly been just before bed… I’d like to try to back it up even more so that I can get as close to sundown as possible. I still feel tired after a full night’s sleep, although when I wake up I do feel more rested than I have in a long time. The fatigue just sets in early in the day. I don’t know if it’s sugar or caffeine withdrawals or that I need to be eating more for breakfast or what.

Spend quality time with my family. Spent more quality time with Joshua and Michelle this week than I have in a normal work week in forever!

Spend quality time with my God. Found myself somewhat avoiding this. Must not want to get down into the muck and mire of things yet…

I have realized this week that I definitely have some feelings lurking in the depths of my emotional waters that I have been avoiding with food and entertainment for a long while. I’ve known this on some level, of course, but now is the time I’m going to have to deal with it. Fun, fun. I am a little discouraged about it.

Day 7

I have been dreaming about watching TV (and then feeling guilty) and about eating foods I shouldn't (and then feeling guilty).

Can't figure out what my subconscious is thinking...

Before I forget...

Norah Jones... a good cry... waiting for a snowstorm... good Sunday night. :) 

Norah Jones-- I mean, who doesn't like Norah Jones? I'm partial to her first album. Her voice reminds me of hot chocolate.

A good cry-- one of my goals on my 90-Day Challenge was to let myself cry if I need to. I'm blaming it mostly on the "harmonies" (to quote Aunt Voula) but I am still being faithful to let myself go there and get it all out. Just say no to emotional constipation. 

Waiting for a snowstorm-- apparently it's coming. Although they always say some fantastical weather event is coming and usually it's a dud. I've always been home when there has been a big snow event, though, so it will be interesting if we really do get almost a foot of snow and I'm at work. I will probably spend most of the day looking out the window. :)

How well do you know Emma Worthy?

Strange title, but that was the auto-fill when I got on this computer upstairs to blog for the day. 

Snow started the day... when I woke up there was just a dusting, but an hour later I looked out the window and it looked like a blizzard. They're calling for a "major winter weather event" on Monday... should be like it was at Christmas, I'm thinking. I just hope I don't get stuck at the hospital. If it's going to be cold and dreary outside during winter, there might as well be snow. Everyone around here seems to hate it, but I think it's beautiful. Floridian. 

Tonight has been a delicious evening of lying on the couch snuggled up with an afghan and a good book from the library. Going to put a pot of soup on the stove to eat for dinner... could we get any more cozy?

What are you doing on this Saturday night? Hopefully you're having a little more excitement than I am... I'm starting to sound like an old lady. 

Other blog

Link to the other blog if you are interested in how my 90-Day Challenge is going and all that jazz... 

Day 5

Last night I was the very last one in my class to complete our WOD at CrossFit. And it really was a dead last... at least a minute behind everyone else.

Strength/skill - Hang clean (first time doing this skill for me)

7 x 2 reps

Worked up to 48#

WOD - Complete 7 (grueling) rounds of:

5 burpees

50 ft. weighted lunges (started off with a 25# sandbag but then decided BW was good enough for me)

5 pull-ups (gray band)

For time: 14:27

There was a 15 minute cut-off for the work-out. I had been dreading doing this WOD since I saw it on the CFA website yesterday morning. I think I need to not look. My goal was just to finish before the time cut-off, which I did with 30 seconds to spare.

Sometimes it's hard for me not to get discouraged. I get so tired of coming in last (or in the bottom three) and just want to feel like a victor instead of the exhausted girl dragging herself across the finish line. I have to look back on what I've accomplished so far though... three months ago when I started CFA, I never would've been able to do this WOD, certainly not seven times through. I just want to feel like I am improving. I guess once I've been at CFA long enough that I start repeating work-outs, I will be able to see my own progress. And I have to remember that the way CrossFit works is that you are always challenging yourself to do more weight/resistance, so the WODs will always be difficult.

On another note, I am discovering the true nature of my dependence on sugar. It really is a sneaky little beast, isn't it? This morning I woke up ravenous and craving it. Visions of hot chocolate and buttered cinnamon raisin toast swirled through my head on my drive to work. I had a pear and some left-over eggs and a bit of steak for breakfast once I got to the office. I'm getting really tired of meat. Still hungry, I headed to the cafeteria to see what I could find that fits my Challenge boundaries. I ended up leaving with two pieces of bacon (something else I've been craving), a bowl of fruit and raisins, and a bottle of orange juice. When I got back to the office, I looked at the back of the bottle of OJ and saw that it has a whopping 25g of sugar in it! That's pretty much the same as a can of Coke. It's fructose that comes naturally from the fruit and not HFCS, but it's sugar to my body all the same. And the same goes for the pineapple, grapes, and strawberries I grabbed. Fructose, fructose, and more fructose.

My body is being quite insidious toward me in its attempts to maintain normal sugar intake. Here I am thinking I'm being all healthy with my fresh fruit and "100% juice" and it turns out I might've well just have grabbed a bottle of soda and some candy.

Lesson learned: watch the fruit intake. More veggies. More, more, more veggies.

Change

There are some changes going on at my workplace right now that are probably hard for some folks and exciting for others. It’s made me start thinking about my own attitude toward change. I’ve always moved a lot… since the age of eight, it’s been a habit to up and move every three years or so. I had to fight the urge to transfer to another school when I was in college when that familiar restlessness crept in. The biggest change of my life thus far happened in 2008, though, with the non-move. Having everything decided and then at the last minute experiencing a clear-as-a-bell divine intervention into those perfectly made plans (leaving you with no money, no place to live, no transportation, and no job) gives you a big, heaping dose of change.

Everything was thrown for a loop that year. All of my expectations, all of everyone else’s expectations (be they real or imagined by me), everything was completely shattered… and I use the word shattered because at times it was very painful for me. There were a lot of tears shed. A lot of confusion. A lot of surrender. The echoes of that divine intervention still reach into my life today. Whenever I find myself growing despondent over the fact that I’m “not where I should be” at this point in life, I just have to look back and remember that August day. I asked for it. He gave me what I asked for. Shouldn’t start complaining now.

All of that to say, I think that I might have learned a preliminary lesson or to about learning to accept life change. Not that tomorrow something couldn’t fly out of left field and leave me reeling, but I guess I’ve learned what to do with the reeling. Where to take it. Who to take it to. It makes it feel less threatening and more like an adventure. And really it is an adventure, and it’s not threatening, because when you take a moment to step back from your life and remember that you’re not in control of hardly anything anyway (even though we do such a good job of convincing ourselves otherwise!), then it’s a freefall into an existence of unexpected adventures and soul-making surprises. There’s freedom in that, folks.

81 mil

Today at lunch some of my co-workers and I were talking about those folks who just won the lottery—like the Mega Jackpot lottery or whatever. One of the ladies was saying that two people won the big ticket, and that they could do one lump payment of $81 million or get annual payments.

That got me to thinking about what I would do if I got one lump sum of $81 million at one time.

First, I was immediately paranoid about the thought of putting it all in the banking system in case there was ever another crash like the Great Depression. Then I thought about having $81 million in cash in my house and watching it burn to the ground. Of course, in my mind, the next logical option was to spend it.

Things I immediately thought to spend it on:

-          Land, land, and lots of land

-          A house

-          World travel

-          The thousands of charities I could write a check to

-          A house for some folks I know who could really use one

-          The personal masseur I would have on staff until the end of my days

If you had $81 million to blow, what are some things you would spend it on?

Day 3

Last night I went to CF for the first time in two weeks.

Strength/skill - Back Squat

Add 10 lbs. to previous 5RM (92#)

Worked up to 102#

WOD - Complete 5 rounds of:

8 push-press, 70% of previous 5RM (48#) - used 37#

16 lateral box jumps - 8" height (used two 45# plates)

For time: 7:55

How it felt: Back squats felt strong. Probably could've pushed it another 10# but 102# was strenuous. Still concentrating on keeping my knees from diving in. WOD was difficult. Push-press was strong but trying by the end of the work-out. Sad that I couldn't use a 12" box for the lat jumps but it was my first time and standing next to the box and trying to wrap my mind around jumping high and wide enough to clear it sideways was actually a scary feeling. Glad that I used the plates when I got tired in the work-out and landed on the edge of the plates a few times... that would've been a big crash on a box. Want my cardiovascular fitness to improve so that I can complete WODs faster without stopping to breathe as many times.

The "I" Word

I am really excited about the new year. Like I said before, I love new beginnings, new goals, new aspirations. I’m not watching any TV during my 90-Day Challenge, and I’m also looking forward to how stepping away from my normal habits will open up my life to new experiences.

What new experiences are you looking forward to in 2011? Life is so interesting in that there is always upheaval and change going on so you can almost always find something to be concerned with, but then time can pass and you look back and realize you’ve missed out on intentional living. 2011 is about surrender and trust for me. I believe the equation God has downloaded into my brain is surrender + trust = intimacy. I have been praying about the subject of intimacy for a long time.

Sidenote: Are you one of those people who gets squeamish just reading the word? Intimacy. Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy. I have to admit to being one of those people myself.

I’ll let you know how the journey goes. I have to be honest—when I was sitting with the Lord and He revealed this theme to me for the year, I wasn’t thrilled. And yet at the same time I was satisfied in that way you are when you are about to swallow foul-tasting medicine but you know in the end it is going to make you feel better. I think that I have been making my way to this point… the point where I am actually ready to go through the hard stuff to get to the good stuff. I seem to be tackling this in many areas of my life all at once, and sometimes I feel on emotional overload. But I keep walking, keep making choices, keep enjoying the little rewards of those choices and letting them fuel my progress. And most of all I am dreaming for more.

If I had to describe the general emotional state of my week so far, it would be this: You know that feeling you get after you’ve had a good, long cry? It feels kind of good, doesn’t it? Kind of clean? That’s how I feel.

Surrender and trust. How funny will it be if next year is trust and obey?  

The daily

I was letting myself cop-out today with the writing. I had written this drivel that was supposedly “stream of consciousness” but really I think it was just lazy.

I once read this book—I think it was called “The War of Art” but I can’t remember—that talked about disciplining yourself to practice your art even when inspiration has not yet struck. That’s actually the only thing I remember from the book… and there was something about keeping a pair of work boots underneath your desk and putting them on to write daily, even when you didn’t feel like it. All I know is that for the longest time after reading that, I kept my combat boots beneath my desk. I never put them on to write, though.

I remembered that passage today and erased the nonsense I had written and began this instead. Writing for the sake of writing… I think that goes against F. Scott Fitzgerald’s? famous philosophy of writing because you have something to say. I always kind of liked that philosophy, but then I talked myself into a 365 blog project.

90-Day Challenge

At the start of every year, CFA encourages everyone to do a 90-Day Challenge. Last year it was a challenge to eat a strict paleo diet. This year, it was more of a "make your own goals that will be a challenge" type deal. So here it is...

My 90-Day Challenge
January 3, 2011 – April 2, 2011

• Eat a “paleo” diet, including lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, and oils that come from nuts and seeds (plus olive and coconut oil). No sugar, dairy, or grains. Plenty of water. Honey and organic peanut butter allowed.
• No TV (including Hulu and Netflix). Take time to work on goals/desires listed on my 101 in 1001 lists instead.
• No computer use after 8:30 p.m. Set a specific time to blog each day so that I am not crammed up against that deadline.
• Pray intentionally about using food and entertainment as coping devices and journey with God into the deeper heart issues at hand.
• Try not to be too crabby at Joshua as I go through the “detox” phase.
• Whenever I am tempted to eat or drink something I shouldn't, remember that it is not the last opportunity I’ll ever have to eat/drink ________.
• Enjoy an active lifestyle! Go to a class at CrossFit Asheville twice per week, start training walks for the 3-Day Walk in September, start running again, incorporate swimming into my fitness regimen, go hiking with Joshua and friends, explore new places and activities, do an “at home” WOD once per week on an off-CrossFit day.
• Let myself cry if I need to.
• Get at least eight hours of sleep per night. Use candles instead of man-made lights after sundown when possible.
• Spend quality time with my family.
• Spend quality time with my God.
  
  

I plan to keep this online journal as a record of my progress in the gym (by keeping track of my WODs and other fitness info) and also as a record of my progress mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as I journey on the walk of a transformed life. It is a transformation of my whole person—not just a body.

Today was Day One of the Challenge. It has not been as difficult as I might have imagined… perhaps because my mind is resolute this time around. This is what I want to do—and pizza and Coke and bread and ice cream will all be there on April 3 if I have the inclination to put them in my mouth again. Hopefully, my body will change and so will my mind, and I will prefer green foods to things made of flour and high fructose corn syrup.

We got a juicer last night, which is an amazing tool to have in this process.

The thing I am the most nervous about is having enough variety in my diet. I don’t want to get sick of eating the same things over and over again. Here’s to hoping that won’t be an issue…

The internet was down yesterday, it wasn't my fault

The holidays began and ended in the garage for me.

On December 23^rd at about 3:00 a.m., I opened the garage door to greet Kristie who had just arrived in her little silver compact (packed to the hilt) from Virginia. I had been up all night editing home videos to give as Christmas gifts anyway, and as I ran up our sloped driveway to wrap her in a welcoming bear hug, there was something magical about the combination of the hushed nighttime cold and the old-school Christmas lights glowing from our front porch and the stars twinkling in the sky from a thousand light years away. We were both nearly collapsing in our exhaustion, but as we twirled around in joy upon her arrival, I looked up at the inky black sky and memorized it for a moment.

The next ten days made up the best Christmas I have had in a long time. Christmas Eve was a cooking extravaganza for our Italian feast that night. When Joshua’s dad and step-mom arrived late in the day, antipasto was chilling in the fridge; meatballs had been rolled and were simmering in homemade marinara sauce; minestrone was bubbling away on the stovetop; eggplant parmesan was finding its way into the oven; the dough for our cannoli shells was just being prepped. We had planned a seven course meal for the six of us that night and everything was to die for. Course one – antipasto from Kristie’s family recipe. Cubes of Swiss cheese, slices of Genoa salami, olives of all shapes and sizes together in a vinegar dressing. Riesling paired with the first four courses. Two – homemade minestrone and warm, crusty bread with olive oil and Italian spices for dipping. Three – house salad and refills on the bread. Four – palette cleansing wild berry sorbet and fresh strawberries. Finish off the Riesling and switch to Lambrusco. Five – the most delicious eggplant parmesan I have ever tasted. Six – fresh spaghetti with meatballs. Seven – homemade cannoli and coffee. We sat around the table talking and sharing and laughing and crying for over three hours. It was the most fun that I might have ever had at a meal… and possibly the most food I’ve ever eaten in one sitting. By the seventh course we all felt like we might actually die if we had to go one more round.    

On Christmas I woke up and looked out the window and was greeted by one of my favorite things… the silence of snowfall. Within an hour the ground was blanketed in white and there was no sign of the weather letting up. My parents had managed to fly into Charlotte that morning but their connecting flight to Asheville was cancelled at the last minute. Thus the Geiger clan was faced with the indomitable task of finding a way to get my parents up through the mountains in the midst of what was turning into an unrelenting snowstorm. Ever brave and always throwing caution to the wind, the Geiger men determined to drive down the mountain on an unplowed highway to pick up my parents in Greenville, SC where they had managed to get a flight into the Greenville-Spartanburg airport after some finagling in Charlotte.

Christmas night was wonderful. There was feasting, feasting, and more feasting on a traditional holiday dinner (roasted turkey—thank you Alton Brown for the wonderful recipe—and dressing and cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes and honey baked ham and green bean casserole and sweet potatoes and corn pudding casserole and roasted potatoes… can you tell we like potatoes?) and plenty more laughter to go around. After dinner we settled into the living room to actually read the Christmas story (Joshua did a wonderful job leading this portion of the evening) and what I originally thought might be hokey turned into a tender spiritual experience for our entire family. We ended in a round of heartfelt prayers and then someone (who shall remain nameless, she writes sheepishly) yelled out, “Can we open presents now?” and we all moved again to the downstairs living room, where the peaceful aura surrounding our beautiful Frasier fir soon erupted into a frenzy of wrapping paper, hoots of delight, and general merriment. Add in a rousing group reading of Dr. Seuss’s “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” and it was a perfect night.

The rest of our time together flew by in a happy blur. There was sledding and snowball fights, movie watching and the passing of the holiday popcorn tin, a battle of the sexes game of Guesstures and a highly inappropriate and hilarious round of telephone that ended in a marriage proposal. (Can’t believe my sis-in-love is old enough to be getting married!) There was so much eating I think we all gained 15 pounds, and a trip to Grove Park Inn to see the gingerbread house display and eat overpriced hors d’eouvres in front of the mammoth stone fireplaces. There was the undertaking of decorating unintentionally flat Italian butter cookies with fabulously homemade meringue icing. There was spanakopita and champagne to ring in 2011 with Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest, and there was a day of resolution-making and open-hearted sharing.

It all ended yesterday, as Joshua and I stood in the garage and waved goodbye to Kristie as she drove up our sloped driveway and headed home to Virginia, little silver compact packed to the hilt. As we closed the garage door, a wave of sadness engulfed me and I felt my eyes getting misty. I wasn’t ready for it to end. The laughter, the cooking and eating, the community… it is wonderful. I wish I could live like that all the time. It makes me thankful that Joshua and I don’t live completely on our own, because even though the atmosphere at our house isn’t always as care-free and contagious as it was this Christmas, it is communal. Kristie left yesterday afternoon, but the Worthys rolled back into town at about 4:00 a.m., and it’s a new year with new promise. And I couldn’t have asked for a better way to say goodbye to 2010.